Far From Home
by Selfless-Touched-Storyteller
Summary: "Experience is a brutal teacher. But we learn-my god, do we learn." C.S. Lewis. The BAU must race to save a member of their team...before it's too late.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

"_Another day in this carnival of souls; another night settles in as quickly as it goes. The memories are shadows, ink on the page, and I can't seem to find my way home. And it's almost like your heaven's trying everything, your heaven's trying everything, to keep me out." ~**Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch**_

* * *

><p>She ran for her life, her feet thudding on the solid ground, eyes searching the dark for a way out. She couldn't breathe, her chest aching, her cuts and bruises and burns making every step agony.<em> He's coming for me, he's coming. RUN; you have to run! <em>A voice in the black, reaching out to her, calling her name with a gleeful lust. _He's here. Oh god, oh god, oh god. __KEEP RUNNING. MOVE. HE'S COMING TO KILL YOU. _Her vision fading, his footsteps closing in. _STAY AWAKE. STAY ALIVE. HE'S COMING. _She reached ahead, groping for the saviors she still believed would find her. _You have to come. Please come for me. HE'S HERE! NO! Save me from this hell..._

* * *

><p>"Damn it, Hotch! We can't just sit here while that mother fuc—"<p>

"Morgan!" Aaron Hotchner interrupted his agent, silencing the irate man with a glare. "I know you're frustrated, but I need you to calm down and _focus_." They'd been over this case again and again, and still, nothing. He knew it was frustrating - _my god, I know it _- but as leader of this team, he refused to let his emotions take over. The opposite could be said for Derek Morgan.

"Hotch," Morgan tried again, struggling to calm his voice. "We can only _assume_ what that bastard is doing to her! And-and-_damn it_!" He threw himself into the nearest chair, and buried his head in his hands. She'd be okay—she had to be okay. All he wanted was to catch this son-of-a-bitch, and that was the one thing he couldn't do. All he could do was sit. And do _nothing_. And it was frustrating as hell.

Spencer Reid paced back and forth, dimly aware of what was going on around him. _Think, Reid, think. She's probably already dead - no! Damn it. No. Just no. Not now. Now, he had to find a connection. Because that's what he did. He was genius Doctor Reid. He was Spence—oh god. _He took a shaky breath. _Find the connection; find the connection. _

David Rossi stood in sullen silence, away from the group. _Tap, tap. Tap, tap. _ The rhythmic beating of the rain reminded him of home. He used to lay awake in his bed for hours after his parents tucked him in, just listening to the sound of the rain tapping against his window. Now, it was all just a cruel joke. Now, the rain sounded like blood. _Her_ blood. Her life…slowly slipping away from them all as they stood here and did nothing. Oh, but he wanted to something—damn it, he wanted to help her!

He looked over to where the rest of the team resided. He knew what each of them was thinking. _Save her._ Because nothing else mattered. Nothing else could.

_Flip_. Nothing.

_Flip_. Nothing.

_Flip_. Still nothing.

DAMN IT. Emily Prentiss leaned forward against the wooden table and rested her head against her forearms. What had it been—26 hours? Too long. That's how long it had been since their agent had been taken. And now it was taking them too long to fit the pieces together. They needed to find her and soon. Before she turned up dead—_NO! Don't do that, Em. She needs us right now. Push back the anger, the guilt, the terrifying, paralyzing fear. Because we're going to find her. And she's going to be alive. She's going to be __**ALIVE**__._

* * *

><p>Far away, in a dungeon cell, their agent lay on a slab of metal, stripped of her jacket and weapon and lashed onto the table. Her breathing was slow as she slept, but it quickened as the cold and wet began to seep through to her skin. Slowly, she awoke<em>.<em> _Gasping_. Strapped down on this freezing table made of steel. _Can't move-can't breathe-just breathe; you have to wake up and breathe. _Her eyes adjusted slightly to the dark that enveloped her body and mind. _Where the hell am I? I CAN'T MOVE. WHERE AM I AND WHY CAN'T I MOVE. _But then she remembered where she was, where he'd put her. In a dimly-lit, musty room that smelled of dead things and burned flesh. And in the top corner of the wall far above her was one small, barred window_. _There was no light other than the single burning bright bulb swaying slowly, ever so slowly over the table on which she lay. _Crap. _Yes, she'd been here before. But something was missing. _WHERE IS HE. WHERE THE FUCK IS HE! I CAN'T MOVE AND HE'S COMING-_

"Hi, there, sweetheart."

A low, raspy voice came from the darkness, from the corner of the room. As the voice came closer, a shadowy figure to match it began to appear in her blurred vision. It was...who was it? She couldn't think straight. _NO_. Oh, god. It was _him_. And just like that, the memories of the previous nights flooded back. They hit her like a giant crushing wave of pain, fear, and despair. She remembered the cold knife, sliding across her stomach and her legs. Rivulets of her blood flowing...dripping down, down, _down_… The jolts of electricity shooting through her body - a fire in her veins. His teeth biting into her arm as she screamed for mercy again and again. But he'd shown her no mercy. The scalding heat from the steaming poker and burning stones which he'd used to close her wounds…to keep her alive so that he could continue his work. And she remembered the sounds she'd made against her will, the violent screams that came from her mouth. The begging, the pleading, and the crying for help. But none came. _They_ _never came_. _Why didn't they come…?_

"I didn't appreciate your attempt to escape." His voice came closer in the dark until it was right at her ear, his foul breath hot and wet. "You're going to _pay_ for that mistake, my love." He growled, seductively. _Dangerously_.

She gathered her strength and pushed away the pressing fear. "_Like_. _Hell_."

His breathing slowed to a stop. She couldn't hear him anymore, she couldn't feel him, she couldn't see him. _Damn it, where—_

_Sssssssssssssss._

_Oh god._ She knew that sound, she knew that sound. Her body recoiled, an automatic response to the pain she knew was coming. There was always more pain, and that was the first thing she learned down here. _NO! God_, _please-NO! _

"AGHHHHHHH!"

Her anguished screams penetrated the silence. _Burning, it's burning, GET IT OFF ME, IT HURTS, PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP!_

Funny how no one ever listened to her cries in the night.

And so she suffered by herself in the darkness as the man who had snatched her away from her home, from her team, and from her _family _covered her bare stomach with twisted fiery-hot pieces of metal, humming merrily to himself as he did so.

"That's it, my love. _Scream for me_. 'Cause no one can hear you. No one cares. They won't come for you. No one ever will."

She squeezed her eyes shut against the pain she felt, but it didn't help, not one bit, and he knew that.

_Think about something else. Think about the __team__. _

_Think about Hotch__. So serious, yet so passionate about everything he does. He's lost so much to this job, and yet he still wakes up every day ready and willing to beat the bad guys. And Morgan__. His strength, his teasing, his eagerness to save the victims no matter what the cost. Think about Rossi__. Always cutting himself off from those he loves, to protect them from what haunts him the Emily__. Compartmentalizing—whatever the hell that is—so concerned about others, yet never about herself. Prepared to give her life for this team, for this job. Then there's Garcia__. Silly, witty, crazy-awesome Garcia. Huddled up in her tech room, waving fuzzy pens, shielding herself from the evil in the world. Waiting every day for her babies to come home safe and sound… And __Spence__. Socially-awkward, boy-genius Doctor Spencer Reid. Pretending everything's alright when it's really at its worst. _

_Yes. Think about the team. It helps._

JJ cried out as another wave of pain hit her.

_Not really._

* * *

><p><em>And it's almost like your heaven's trying everything, your heaven's trying everything to bring me down. ~<strong>Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch<strong>  
><em>


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

_"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it." __**~Mark Twain**_

* * *

><p>"Alright, let's go over the case file again." Hotch grabbed the file from the desk and opened it. He waited until all eyes were on him before he began. "All the victims were kidnapped exactly one week before their bodies were found. All had identical lacerations spread out over their entire bodies, including the genital area—but they weren't sexually assaulted—and were continuously beaten, then strangled to death."<p>

"The cuts indicate our unsub feels a sexual attraction towards these women, but he can't perform the act that would give him sexual release. So, instead, he tortures them, and, finally, strangles them. This final act is what gives him release. He can feel their lives slipping away in his hands…he has the power," Reid interceded.

"So we're dealing with an unsub who's a sexual sadist AND a narcissist?" Morgan sighed, clearly frustrated. "Hotch, JJ was taken exactly 28 hours ago. Sure, she may have a week before the unsub even considers killing her, but—what makes you think he'll stick to his schedule? He's kidnapped, tortured, and killed eight women in the last 2 months. He went from two weeks before killing to one. At this rate of escalation…"

"Actually, he might keep JJ alive for over a week."

All heads turned to Reid.

"What?" Morgan spat. "How is that possible?"

"Well, for starters, she's an FBI agent. She's one of us, and he knows that by keeping her alive, he's torturing us—we know what he's doing to her—every detail—and he knows we know that. So, he's going to keep her as long as he can to prolong both our suffering and hers." Reid paused, took a deep breath, and continued. "Also, out of all the women he kidnapped, JJ is his first blonde; everyone else had dark-brown or black hair. He clearly only took her to hurt us, but since she's _his_ now, he's going to try to do to her what was done to his other victims. This means he's going to have to start over. He'll experiment, analyze, figure out which methods bring him the same release he got from his other victims."

Prentiss' eyes went wide. "So he'll keep her alive longer because he knows it'll take him longer to get what he needs from her…"

Reid nodded. "Precisely."

Morgan leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed tightly against his chest. "So we might have a chance of finding her alive."

"Actually…" Reid considered what Morgan had said. "Yes." He looked surprised as he answered, as if the thought had never occurred to him until just now. "We have a _good_ chance of finding her alive."

The tension in the room visibly abated.

Hotch glanced around at his team, catching each person's eye as he did so.

"Then let's get started. Morgan, Prentiss, you guys head over to the previous victims' houses. Try and find out as much as possible from the families: areas their daughters' frequented, typical daily schedules, anything that could help us figure out how the unsub took them. Reid, Rossi, and I will go to the original crime scenes and learn what we can."

He stood up, and gathered the case file from where Reid had tossed it onto the desk. "Let's meet back here at—" His watch said it was now 12:46. "3:30. Be careful, and good luck. Let's bring our girl home."

And with that, the BAU team, hopeful, at least, that they had more time to work, split up to search for clues—_anything_, really—to help them find JJ and bring her back safe and sound.

* * *

><p><em>Cold…too cold…<em>

JJ woke up shivering. She was still strapped to the table—which was now covered in her blood—and the room was definitely the same. She tried to turn her head to see where the cold was coming from—_ouch. _ Her whole body ached and burned. She looked down at her exposed body, and immediately regretted it. Scars crisscrossed her stomach; some were closed, others were half-open and raw, still leaking blood. There were blackened markings around her breasts, from where the unsub had placed the burning metal. Her pants, which he had miraculously left on—thank God—were ripped about halfway down. And below that—she squeezed her eyes shut.

_Don't look, don't think about it, just don't look. You're still alive; that's what matters the most. They're coming for you, just hold on. A little while longer, and Morgan's going to burst through that door, gun out, shouting your name. Prentiss will un-tie you from this god-awful table, take your hand, and tell you it's okay, everything's going to be alright. And you'll see Reid, Rossi, Garcia, Hotch…you'll wake up in a hospital room, surrounded by your team, your family…you'll be back at work, goofing off, flipping through cases… _

A single tear slid down her cheek. How had everything gotten so bad? She was with her team, she was _protected_—how had he taken her…?

*CLICK*

_Damn it. Here he comes…_

*BANG*

_Oh, the window was open… if I had shouted for them…could they have heard me..?_

And then his voice came, from somewhere behind her…

"How's my angel, today? I can't believe how nicely I slept. Like a baby…a hungry, angry baby…"

He laughed—_idiot_.

His face suddenly appeared in her field of vision.

"And you?"

She glared at him virulently.

_Hell no._

He chuckled to himself.

"No, I guess not."

_Lean closer, lean closer, come on…_

His face hovered over her, and he leaned down—to kiss her? Bite her? She didn't know. And wouldn't.

*SPIT*

"Aghhh!" He cried out as a wad of her spit flew into his eyes, his mouth, his nose. He growled as he angrily wiped his face on his sleeve. "You'll pay for that, bitch."

He brought his hand back to slap her—she flinched, prepared for the biting, stinging that would accompany the action…but it never came. She glanced over at him. He just stood there, looking at her—sizing her up? _What's he thinking..? _ _How to make it hurt the most, no doubt…_

"You know what?"

_No, you bastard. _

"I think I'll let that slide…"

_Of course, you—wait. What? _

She stared at him, surprised, shocked…terrified…

He grinned at her, met her eyes with his; she didn't like the evil glint she saw there.

"Mmmhmm. We'll pick this back up later…I've got something to do, places to be, items to buy."

_Items to buy..? _

"I'll be back, my love." He laughed. "Wouldn't miss this for the world…"

And he left her there, on that cold, blood-stained table. **Alone**.

_Thank God._


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

_"Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself." __**~James Anthony Froude**_

* * *

><p>"It's funny," Reid mused.<p>

"What's that?" Hotch glanced over at his agent, then looked back at Rossi, who shrugged his shoulders, as if to say, _Hell if I know what this kid is thinking…_

The three profilers were standing on a wooden bridge in a remote area of the woods, overlooking a muddy ditch.

"Well, the unsub obviously chose this location because it was inconspicuous. But he left the body uncovered…" Reid paused to scratch his chin. "He's also meticulous about how he leaves his victims. Their legs are always splayed, their arms always covering their breasts, their hair brushed out to the side, but only half of their face in plain sight. He wants them hidden, but he can't resist playing with the bodies. He puts his victims on _display_..."

He shuddered. _JJ… _

"Hotch, we profiled this guy as a sadistic narcissist, but I think he's something more. He toys with his victims, tortures them repeatedly, and then dumps them like trash. But what about his inability to perform sexual acts with them? We know he's cutting them to fulfill _some_ part of that need, but—"

"But he does more after his victims' deaths," Hotch finished. "He puts them in their most defenseless positions, out in the open, for everyone to see."

"So that family and friends remember them as vulnerable and innocent people, rather than strong, intelligent, and mature young women." Rossi looked down at the ditch, envisioning the original crime scene. "And if you notice how the unsub left only one side of his victims' face uncovered—"

Reid cut in. "I think that could be a reference to the Roman god _Janus_."

Hotch and Rossi looked at him, confusion evident on their faces.

"Janus represented the middle ground between barbarity and civilization. He is often depicted as having two sides to his head—one side was a symbol of good, happiness, life. The other side resembled chaos, evil, death… Our unsub may see his victims as evil creatures in life and innocent beings in death."

Rossi nodded. _Nice going, kid. We might just solve this case yet._

Hotch stepped away from the edge of the bridge. _If Reid's right—which he always is—we may be dealing with quite a lot more than we originally thought… Damn it. If he thinks he's freeing these women…if he believes that they must be punished in life… _ He squinted against the bright sun. _JJ might not have that much time left… _He turned back to where his fellow agents stood, watching him.

"Let's meet back up with the others. We need to figure out exactly what our unsub is thinking—and fast, because JJ's running out of time."

* * *

><p>*TAP TAP TAP*<p>

Morgan rapped his knuckles on the door of the third victim's house. Her name was Anna Martinez, age 29, brown-eyed brunette, law student at the University of Maryland. This was the last visit he and Prentiss would be able to make today—they'd already been to the first two victims' houses.

"This is just too much…"

Morgan glanced to his left, where his partner stood. She looked like she always did: calm, collected, and emotionally stable. But he could see through her façade…

"Morgan…" Emily began. "We've gotten basically nothing from the last two families. This isn't helping JJ! We need to be out there, looking for her, before—"

"Emily," Morgan said gently. "Right now, we need to be looking for clues to lead us to JJ. She's going to be _fine_—you heard Reid. And once we get what we need from this family, we're gonna put the pieces together and rescue our girl. Alright?"

Emily took a deep, shaky breath. "I know…it's just—"

The door flew open, and the mask was back on.

"Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Martinez," Emily said, making eye contact with the victim's parents. "I'm Agent Emily Prentiss, this is Agent Derek Morgan—we're from the FBI." She motioned to the man beside her. "I'm terribly sorry we had to come here, especially at a time like this, but we need your help. One of our agents has been kidnapped by the man who we believe took your daughter," she waited for this to sink in before she continued, "and we wanted to ask you some questions regarding your daughter's case."

The couple exchanged a worried glance and then turned back to the two agents.

"I guess that'd be okay…" Mr. Martinez mumbled. He opened the door wider, ushered Morgan and Prentiss inside, and led them into the next room, where he offered them drinks, which they politely refused.

His wife stood staring out the open door, tears sliding down her cheeks, staining them blood-red.

"Sure...come in…" She whispered.

* * *

><p>"Okay. No…right there. A little more to the left… <em>There<em>!"

Jayne Adams smiled up at the balding man, who was dressed in black jeans and a tie-dye _Welcome to BM's _shirt.

The man stepped down from the ladder he had previously been standing on, grimaced—_maybe that's a smile_—and handed Mr. Adams what appeared to be a two-foot-long cattle prod. In all actuality, it _was_ a two-foot-long cattle prod.

"Ah! Thank you, kind sir!"

The man huffed a "you're welcome," and slowly walked back down the empty aisle.

Mr. Adams watched him go, and then turned his attention back to the tool in his hands.

_This is really gonna make you scream, girl…you're gonna find yourself wishing you'd never gone and spit on me like that. Just you wait…_

He looked up.

_Now, where did he say that barbed wire was..?_

* * *

><p>JJ shivered, still stretched out along the blood-covered table.<p>

_What'd he mean..? Items to buy, items to buy…what items—_

*BANG*

_Shit._

"JJ, honey, I'm home!"

*CREAK*

"Ahhh…" He let out a long sigh—_of relief_, she thought. _Anticipation, maybe?_ "I needed some cold air—it's a damn _freezer_ in here!"

_Fuck you._

His face came out of nowhere, above her. He grinned; he looked pleasant enough.

"I've been missing you…"

_Yeah, right._

"I've got this new—what should I call it—_tool_, and I'm just _so _eager to try it out."

She visibly trembled, and his smile grew.

"Let me just plug it in here…"

She couldn't see him anymore. _ Where'd he go? Crap, crap, crap, this is bad…_

A tingle—a small, little buzz—ran up her leg.

_What the—_

A burst of fresh, burning, sizzling pain threw her body into a spasm. She clenched her teeth as her back arched off the table, timed almost perfectly with each wave of electricity. The smell of burning flesh—_my flesh_—filled the room.

JJ screamed.

The unsub—Jayne Adams—laughed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Hey, readers and reviewers! Thank you all so very much for the positive feedback! :) Just in case you don't know for sure, Jayne Adams (a.k.a. the unsub) is all mine. I'm really excited for this chapter-it flashes back to when JJ is not yet in the hands of our dreaded killer. And we see some Garcia! (thank God, I haven't been able to fit her into my storyline until now!) I know I'm ending this on a slight cliffhanger, but I want to make the next chapter worthy of your praise. Which it will be.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except for my creepy unsub. *nods head***

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 4<p>

"_Fantasy abandoned by reason produces impossible monsters." ~__**Francisco Goya**_

* * *

><p><strong>36 Hours Earlier<strong>

* * *

><p>JJ closed the case file she had been looking at. <em>Every day, I see something else, something no one should ever have to see…people ripped to pieces, children slaughtered in their beds…and I have to choose. Who to save and who to let go. It's an impossible choice…and I have to make it. <em>She leaned back in her chair and rubbed her eyes—_God, this guy's a sick bastard…taking women, burning them, strangling them, getting off on their pain…_ She stood up from her desk, but not before looking at the picture Garcia had taken a few months ago. It was of her and Henry, sitting on a BAU couch, laughing. _We don't get enough of that around here… _She smiled sadly at the picture, then turned and walked out of her office, case file in hand.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Reid!"<p>

The genius looked up from the book he was reading, just in time to catch a wad of paper—with his _face_.

His attacker snorted with laughter, almost falling out of his chair.

"Morgan!"

Reid glared at the muscular agent, who, having finished guffawing, raised his hands above his head, his face a mask of innocence.

"I don't know _what _you're going at, kid, but _I_ didn't do anything." He looked over at Emily Prentiss, who was grinning widely.

"Emily?" Reid asked in disbelief.

"Guess again, Doctor!"

Reid turned back to Morgan—_whack!_

"Dammit, Morgan!"

The indignant look on Reid's face sent Derek Morgan tumbling out of his chair, laughing.

Emily joined in, shaking with mirth.

Reid tried—and failed—to keep his expression serious—after a few seconds of watching his colleagues, he burst out into peals of uncontrollable laughter.

Neither agent noticed the blonde woman, her face grim, walk past them and enter their boss's office.

* * *

><p><em>Ohio, twelve murders, women in their late 30's, kidnapped within 4 days of each other, murdered and dumped within 2 days of each other…Kevin Thompson, captured 708, SOLVED. _

Aaron Hotchner closed the file, and moved on to another.

_Maine, two murders, bodies torn in half, dumped side-by-side…Julian Dobson, killed 7/13, SOLVED. _

And another.

_Wisconsin, twenty murders, varied victims, 13 found buried in unsub #1's backyard, 7 found in Cleaver Creek, 3 unsubs…John Hummus, Andrew Phelps, Phillip Xavier, 2 captured, one killed 7/18, SOLVED. _

And another.

_Maryland, eight murders, dark-brown/black-haired women in their late 20's/early 30's, burned, tortured, death by asphyxiation… UNSOLVED._

Hotch sighed. _It never ends…_

He leaned back in his chair and stretched, his eyes flickering over to where his team sat in the bullpen. His agents were laughing, and Reid just looked confused. He grinned. _They've really got to stop torturing him…_ He closed his eyes, the smile still visible on his face. _We take the moments we can get, and we do our best with them…_

A light knock on his door pulled him out of his reverie.

He glanced up at—"Hey, JJ."

"Hotch." The media liaison nodded a quick greeting, and then held up a case file.

"I take it you've read up on the latest unsolved case? Maryland, eight murders?"

Hotch studied her face. She looked pale, troubled. He brushed it off. _She should be troubled…this one's horrific…_

"Yeah."

"Are we taking it?"

He nodded, and she turned to leave.

"JJ?"

She stopped in the doorway, but paused before slowly turning around to face him.

Hotch met her eyes with his. She held his gaze evenly.

"Yes?"

_Something's definitely wrong…_

"I—_no, this isn't the time, talk with her later_—I need the team assembled in the conference room in less than 10 minutes."

She nodded.

"Of course, Hotch." She answered, then shifted her gaze downward.

"And JJ?"

She looked back up at him.

"Hmm?"

"Sooner would be better than later. It looks like Reid's in need of some rescuing…"

She followed his gaze out into the bullpen, where Reid was—once again—being pelted with paper balls. She grinned.

"Again?"

Hotch laughed. _Good to see that smile, girl. We need as much of it as we can get._

* * *

><p>Rossi was interrupted from his slumber—<em>how the hell did I fall asleep…damn it, this week's been rough…<em>—by loud laughter. _Where—who—the hell!_

He got up from his desk and stormed over to his door. He pulled it open forcefully—and was greeted by a happy sight.

Reid, Prentiss, and Morgan sat—well, Morgan was on the floor—in the bullpen, laughing hysterically. Every few seconds, the latter chucked a wad of paper at Reid, who was struggling to keep the grin off his face—he did give Morgan the occasional, well-deserved glare.

Rossi crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes, just listening. _I could get used to that sound…_

He opened his eyes just in time to see JJ walk out of Hotch's office. She looked stressed—_as she should_—but she was smiling. _That's something. _And then he noticed the case file tucked under her arm. _Damn it._

* * *

><p>Eight minutes later, the team sat around the large, round table in the BAU conference room.<p>

"What've we got?" Morgan looked up at JJ, who stood at the front of the room.

Four pairs of eyes joined his, all eager for the answer to his question.

JJ took a deep breath. _Death, blood, fire…what else..?_

"Eight victims, all dark-haired women in their late 20's or early 30's. Each woman was abducted in a public area, crowded with plenty of potential witnesses, within two weeks of each other. The unsub keeps his victim for that time, tortures her repeatedly, and, finally, strangles her to death with his bare hands."

Silence.

Then…

"He's obviously sadistic," Reid piped up, "why else would he keep a victim for so long…"

"Gotta agree with you there, kid." Morgan ran his hand over his head. _We haven't seen this level of torture since—in a while… _"But he's something else…he's—"

"Guys?"

A small voice came out of the computer screen. It was accompanied by the visual image of bright blonde hair, fuzzy pens, troll dolls, and radish earrings. The agents all turned to face Penelope Garcia, their expressions somewhat happier than they had been just moments before.

Morgan stopped midsentence as he turned to greet his favorite tech-wiz. "Baby girl!"

"Hey there, my sweet hunk of chocolate-caramel!"

JJ couldn't keep the smile off of her face. _Pen, only you can make light shine in the darkest of places…_

"Where's my Jayje? "

"Right here, Garcia." JJ waved at her best friend, who clapped her hands in delight before responding enthusiastically.

"Oh good! Well, sweet cheeks, this will teach you—all of you—to never again doubt my genius, amazingly-awesome abilities!"

"Since when have I—we—"

"Shhh!" Garcia cut JJ off. "It doesn't matter—_mmhmm, sure it doesn't_—but on with my awesomeness! Given what _little_—yes, I said little—" She gave JJ a knowing look, "information you gave me, I've been able to pinpoint the area our unsub lives in."

She waited for the collective gasps to die down before she continued.

"I've sent you all the information, downloaded the location, everything."

Hotch looked around at his team. Their faces had visibly relaxed—_what would we do without you, Garcia…_

"Thanks Garcia, you're a lifesaver." He gave her a small smile.

She nodded. "Don't you ever forget it, bossman."

She winked.

Prentiss groaned.

"Call me if you need me!" She paused. "Or if your name is Derek Morgan."

Smiling at his laugh, she finished with, "Garcia out!"

And with that, the screen went black.

* * *

><p>Emily glanced around at the other members of the BAU unit. Her eyes fell on JJ. She took in the tired eyes, the grim expression that was cleverly hidden, but was still so clear on her friend's face. <em>Damn, Jayje. <em>She made a mental note to ask the media liaison what was on her mind.

"Emily?"

She turned to Morgan, who had been telling her…something.

"What?" She mentally berated herself. _Now he's gonna think something's wrong with me, too. _She looked at him apologetically. "Sorry."

"It's alright…" Morgan said, concerned. _What's her problem..? _"I was just—nevermind."

They both turned their attention over to Hotch, who had started speaking.

"At this point, I think it's best that we wait for Garcia to get back to us with more specific information before we go knocking on doors. Reid, I'd like you to try to figure out where exactly our unsub is hiding. The rest of us are going to help you with that. JJ," She met his eyes, "I want you to hold a press conference. We need to alert the media to our intentions—we've taken this case, we've gotten a lead, we're almost positive we've found the guy." She nodded. "I know this information won't completely placate the media, but we need our unsub to think we're onto him. So far, all we really know is the area he _might _be residing in. Which is not enough. But, for now, it'll have to be…so improvise."

JJ nodded once and stood up, ignoring the curious glances she got from her team members. _God, I hate working with profilers... _ She grabbed the case file, glanced once more at the group…and met Emily's eyes. Hers were the most concerned out of the groups'. _I'm okay, Em. Just tired…sick of all this…hopeful we'll catch this sick bastard before he hurts anyone else…_ Tearing her eyes away from her friend's, she walked out of the conference room.

* * *

><p>All heads turned to Hotch as soon as JJ left the room.<p>

Already aware of the questions in their heads, Hotch told them what they so badly needed to hear.

"She's fine, guys. Just tired…she's had a long week, and she's just having trouble dealing with this particular case." _Translation: she's not fine, she's exhausted—aren't we all…she's reached her limit…the cases we deal with are horrible, most deal with women, and she has to choose which is worse, which people to save out of thousands…it's tearing her up inside, and there's nothing any of us can do but watch her fall apart…and it's frustrating as hell._

Morgan shook his head. _Translation: after the month we've had, this case is just one too many…she's desperate to save the victims, and she's beating herself up because she can't save them all…_

Emily sighed. _Translation: she can't stop wondering if she picked the wrong case, if she could have saved more lives by choosing a different one…but she wants to get this guy, she's sickened by what he's done to those poor women, and she's frustrated because once we get this guy, there'll be another…and another…she wants to be strong, but she needs to break down…before she's completely consumed…or becomes jaded…_

Rossi leaned back in his chair. _Translation: she's giving this case her all, trying to save—well—everyone, and no matter how hard she tries, she can't save them all…and it's killing her…_

Reid blinked tiredly. _Translation: she has to sit at her desk every day and sift through piles of case files just like this one…and every day she has to choose who lives and who dies…all she wants is to laugh, to smile, and she can't because she's forgotten how…all that she remembers are the cases, the victims, the psychopaths…and it's scaring her because she wants so desperately to feel again…_

The team sat in thoughtful silence, waiting for their girl to come back.

* * *

><p><strong>37 Hours Earlier (before the team arrives)<strong>

* * *

><p>Jayne Adams waited.<p>

He knew the FBI had been called in—_about time_—but he was fully confident in his abilities. _Try all they want to figure me out, they ain't gonna. Even if they do, I'll be plenty of steps ahead of 'em._ He grinned. _They'll be too busy with their own problems…_ He twisted in his seat and looked out the rear window of his '96 Honda Accord. _Oh! There they are…right on time…_ He watched as two black SUVs—BAU-licensed vehicles—pulled up outside the police station. Five agents walked up the steps, but only one caught his practiced eye. _Jennifer "JJ" Jareau…media liaison for the BAU…young, beautiful…ahh, but you'd look better with scars…_ He chuckled darkly, and then looked down at his watch. _Almost time. _

An hour later, he was ready. News vans had completely blocked his view of the station, but he could still hear reporters' voices.

"We're going live in six minutes!"

Smiling contently, he leaned across to the passenger seat of his car and grabbed two dark objects. A taser…and a gun. _Time's up, Agent Jareau._ He stepped out of his car, hid the weapons in his jacket pocket, and walked across the street to join the media.

"Two minutes!"

He pushed his way to the front of the crowd. _This is it!_ He was trembling with excitement. _This move will get everyone's attention. I'll be famous...forever…_

"20 seconds!"

He closed his eyes.

"9 seconds!"

He breathed in the sweet smell of summer air.

"Live!"

A hush fell over the crowd. _Tap, tap, tap, tap._ A woman walked up to the podium, took a deep breath and spoke. But Jayne Adams didn't hear a word of what she said. He had opened his eyes. And he was entranced. _Hello, Ms. Jareau. _He curled his fingers around the gun in his pocket, and reached in with his free hand to grab the taser. _Time for some thrilling heroics. _Smiling at the irony in that, he stepped to the side, until he was out of the agent's sight. And then he lunged forward, his plan in motion, a thousand volts of electricity at his disposal, and an oblivious BAU team—_the best of the FBI, yeah right_—a couple hundred feet and a few doors to his left.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Hey, guys! I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed this story so far...I'm trying to appeal to all of you, so please let me know what you'd like to see in future chapters (ideas of torture, situations involving the team...etc.). :) By the way, this chapter will end where the first chapter begins, so we'll be all caught up, and I can move ahead with the main plot. Enjoy, and remember, reviews keep JJ alive! *wink***

**P.S. The song that the unsub is humming is "Bad Company" (the remake) by Five Finger Death Punch.**

**P.S.S. The unsub hints at what's the come when he says "we're going LIVE." ...Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Want a hint? Think like Garcia would. ;)**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 5<p>

_"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." __**~Eleanor Roosevelt**_

* * *

><p>Jayne Adams hoisted his latest victim onto the cold, metal table. Careful<em>… <em>He groaned as her weight was lifted off his shoulders. _She's heavier than the others...must be those muscles…finely-toned, FBI muscles… _He grinned. _She's all mine. All mine… _The woman moaned in her sleep.

"Shhh…" Jayne laid his finger on her lips. _Look how she desires, even in sleep…two-faced devil. Your subconscious is a greater part of you than you know…_

He hummed merrily to himself as he strapped Jennifer Jareau to the table. _"I was born, a shotgun in my hands…bad, bad company, until the day I die…"_

* * *

><p><em>Ugh…can't breathe…chest…hurts…reporters …man in black…burning flesh…pain…can't move…can't see…<em>

JJ's eyes flew open. She winced—_damn light…wait. Light..? Where the hell am I..? _Her eyes gradually grew accustomed to the bright light that hung above her, and she glanced around at her surroundings. _Shelves…covered with…tools. A desk? A table…obviously…_ She struggled against her bindings. _No good. Look for a way out…there's got to be a way out of here… _She couldn't see anything behind her. _That's where it'd be…_

*BANG*

Her breath hitched. _Crap…crap, crap, crap… _

She clenched her fists, attempted to slow her erratic heartbeat, tried to stay calm… _Remember the profile. With that, I can beat him. He's just another case. Profile him, buy myself some time…_ Images flashed through her mind: innocent women, tortured, beaten to within inches of their lives, and then strangled to death…_victims_. _No. _She squeezed her eyes shut. _You're not a victim._

"Hello, Agent Jareau. It's nice to finally make your acquaintance."

…_Not yet._

* * *

><p><strong>2 Hours Later<strong>

_Stay awake…stay awake…keep…eyes…open…-  
><em>

JJ's head lolled to the side. Her captor snarled. _Damn it! Two hours of torture, and nothing! _He threw the knife he'd be using on the agent aside. _Maybe if I made things more interesting… electrocution? …I'll have to get more supplies…already used them up on the last girl. _He grimaced. _No, too cliché. I kidnapped an FBI agent in front of her own team and an army of police officers and reporters. That's too ballsy for electrocution... _He paused, rubbing his forehead in exhaustion. _Two whole hours. Nothing. I've got knives; I've got hot metal. But if I added electrocution __**and**__ the team...but how—that's it! _He jumped up. _This'll work. _He laughed, grinning widely.

JJ whimpered in her restless sleep. Jayne looked down at her. _That's right…sleep, my love. 'Cause when you wake up, you'll be in for the surprise of your life._

He looked down at his wristwatch. _Still got time…_

He glanced once more at his victim, who he had tied to the metal table, before he grabbed his keys, cell phone, and wallet and raced upstairs. He had one thing on his mind—one thing **only**: _we're going LIVE._

* * *

><p><strong>FBI Headquarters. Quantico, VA. Behavioral Analysis Unit.<strong>

"Play it again, Hotch." Morgan paced in front of the TV screen, his arms crossed over his chest, his fingers clenched.

Emily, Rossi, Reid, and Hotch were clustered around the round table, fear and anger plain on their faces. Garcia sat with them, her hands white from gripping the edge of her seat.

Hotch pressed play—for what seemed like the twelfth time since they'd gotten the tape.

On the screen, JJ stood at the podium in front of the police station. She was speaking—_something about the unsub…what I told her to say_—and suddenly, a hooded man lunged at her from the left. He had something in his hand—_taser_. JJ's body spasmed and her eyes rolled back in her head as electricity shot through her body. She collapsed in the unsub's arms. _JJ…_ The man took out a dark object—_that's a gun_—and held it to the unconscious blonde's head.

"Nobody move, or I'll kill her!"

Nobody did move. And nobody called for help. Nobody.

Hotch sighed in frustration. _If one single person had __**attempted**__ to call us—cell phone, pager, whatever—we might've been able to save her…_

On the screen, the unsub laughed. By now, he'd dragged JJ off the steps of the station and across the street, to a black car—_'96 Honda Accord…but no license plate or tags…he's good_—where he shoved her into the back seat. He then brandished his weapon toward the press, who had been tailing him.

"It's been a pleasure doing business with you." He bowed. "Enjoy the rest of your day."

And with that, he stepped into his car and drove off. With an FBI agent in his backseat. …With _JJ_ in his backseat.

The tape ended, and the screen went to black.

Hotch glanced around at his agents.

_No one knows what to say…no one wants to say what's all on their minds._

"We have a new victim."

The other agents looked over at him, startled…and scared.

"Hotch—" Morgan began.

"Morgan," the older agent interrupted. "We don't know how long he's planning on keeping JJ. We don't know _nearly_ enough about him to know what his M.O. his. And we don't have any time to waste."

He met each of his agent's eyes.

Morgan's were angry—but Hotch could see the fear he was trying so hard to disguise.

Emily's were wide with horror—he could see the tears threatening to fall, but the agent's resolve was enough to hold back the flood.

Reid's were terrified—he'd been in a similar situation with Tobias Hankel…and JJ was his best friend…

Garcia's were squeezed shut—tears ran down her cheeks in torrents. He knew that behind those closed eyelids, she was back in her den, surrounded by computers and colorful troll dolls, where everything was safe and normal, and nothing like _this_ could ever happen.

And Rossi's were distant and hazy—Hotch could see the anger brewing, but, right now, the facts hadn't seemed to have fully sunk in.

_JJ's been taken._

The team sat in silence as their minds dared to take in all that had happened in the past couple of hours.

* * *

><p>JJ opened her eyes. <em>Hazy…shapes…dark…can't see…<em> She knew where she was, and she knew what she'd been through. Red, puffy scars lined her abdomen to prove it. She winced as she remembered what he'd done to her…for two long hours…The knife slicing open her skin, blood pouring out—and stopping just as soon as it began…because _he_ laid burning pieces of metal on each cut so it would close up…so she'd be alive…so she could withstand the torture…the _pain…_

She pulled against her restraints, hoping, hoping…hoping…

*SNAP*

_Oh my god. _

She looked down in wonder as she pulled her bloodied wrists out of the worn leather straps.

_It worked. I'm free. It worked…_

She sat up slowly. _Now if I can just—AHHHHHHH! _Pain flared up and down her body, a thousand knives, a thousand cuts, a thousand brands… As it died down, she breathed shakily. _Slowly…move __**slowly**__…_ Aware that any sudden movements could rekindle the pain of those last two hours, she carefully untied the bonds around her ankles. She lifted herself off the table and stood on the icy-cold floor, swaying…shaking…

_I did it._

She commanded her eyes to stay alert, to stay open, the pain to stay down, to leave her _the hell_ alone.

_Now, where's the damn door._

She searched the dimly-lit room…_there!_

She limped to the metal door that stood exactly where she'd predicted it to be. _Let it be open…please let it be open…_

To her utter amazement, the door creaked open at her gentle, hesitant touch.

And she spent no more time wondering, hoping…

She ran—limped and stumbled—through the door, up the stairs, through the house—_don't stop, don't stop_—out the front door, down the porch steps—_it's behind me, I'm free_—and into the street, where she stopped and breathed in deep. _I did it. I'm free._

She laughed out loud, then immediately regretted it. _Gotta find a hospital…where the hell am I?_

Suddenly, she heard the sound of a truck. _Shit, shit, shit!_

She turned and ran, blindly.

She didn't stop. Not for the voice that yelled her name. Not to see where she was going. Not for the world.

But then, she stumbled over a tree branch. She crashed into the wet ground—_must've been raining_—and couldn't get back up. _Move, damn it! Move!_

Her limbs failed her. So she laid there, on the cold, wet, _soft_ ground—_nice reprieve_—as the man she'd just escaped from, the man who had tortured her for _hours_, the man who had taken her from her team—her _family_—caught up with her.

She gave way to unconsciousness.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

_"When a good man is hurt, all who would be called good must suffer with him." __**~Euripides**_

* * *

><p><strong>Present Time<strong>

JJ sobbed, trembling as blood ran down her legs. Cuts crisscrossed her skin, transforming her once pale, unscathed body into a bloodied mess. _Make it stop, please. God...make it stop._

"I can't seem to get this right!" Her captor sat to her left, a bloody knife clutched in his hand, frustration etched plainly across his face. He glanced at the agent, who met his gaze evenly.

_Bastard._

"Ms. Jareau, my love, I just don't understand."

_Understand __**what**__?_

"It just doesn't feel the _same_…" He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe if I try something else…"

JJ bit her lip to keep from crying out as he laid his blade on her thigh—its edge threatened to deepen existing cuts. _It hurts…_ She turned her tear-stained face away from her captor, who stood up and moved out of her field of vision. _What's he doing..?_

Her eyes drifted shut.

"Oh no, babe. That won't do."

His reappearance startled her. She jerked awake, and immediately regretted pulling at her bindings. Her wild, pain-filled gasps made him smile.

He motioned to a dark object set in the corner of the room.

"This, on the other hand, will do just fine."

_The hell is that?_

He pressed a button—_a remote?_—and a red light appeared out of the dim. It blinked slowly, hypnotizing… And, suddenly, she knew what it was. _No. No, no, no! They can't…he can't let them see me like this! No! _Her silent screams gave way to voiced ones as the unsub picked the knife off her body and dragged its serrated edge across her exposed flesh.

In the corner, the red light continued its incessant blinking.

* * *

><p><strong>Quantico, VA. FBI Headquarters. Behavioral Analysis Unit.<strong>

Hotch stared at the letter in his hands. It was attached to a remote.

_Agent Hotchner,_

_Press play._

He met the eyes of his colleagues. _Do it. We already know what's on it—just do it._

He turned to the television screen, lifted the remote, and pressed play.

The agents waited, trepidation creasing their usually calm features.

The black screen vanished.

_JJ…_

* * *

><p><em>Don't give in; don't give in, be strong, stay alert, stay awake…<em>

JJ struggled to keep her eyes open. Her hair was plastered to her face, her lips cold and pale. Her stomach was bloody and burned—an assortment of her captor's favorite fantasies played out on her helpless body. And she could _still_ feel it all. The slice of his blade, the seemingly never-ending electric shocks, the icy-hot burning of each cauterizing stone. She had tried to keep her screams low, her sobs to a minimum. Because her team was watching. Every second, every minute of torture—they had seen it _all_. _I never wanted them to see me…not like this…_ But at least her tormentor was gone. No explanation for his departure, no witty goodbye; he'd just left her strapped to the blood-stained table, alone. _They're still watching me. _She painfully twisted her neck to look at the camera.

"Hotch, Dave, Derek, Spence, Em, Pen…" She coughed—her throat was parched, her voice hoarse. "If you're there and you can hear me, just know this: I'm okay, I can deal with this—just find me. Please. And hurry. I love you all like you were my own family, and I thank God every day that you're with me, standing by my side. With everything we see on a daily basis, all the pain, the horror, the cruelty, you guys are the reason I can keep living out my life, with Will…and Henry…. You're the reason I still have this job, because it'd be too much of a burden to do it alone. And I know you're probably thinking, "She's going to die, that's why she's telling us this." Well, you're wrong. I'm not going to die. What I'm saying right now isn't goodbye. You hear me? _This isn't goodbye._ You're the best damn profilers in the country—no, in the _world_—and you _will_ find me. _Alive._"

A tear rolled down her cheek.

"But damn it, if you don't find me in time, I—I—I'll _kill_ you!"

She laughed humorlessly, and her chuckles turned into sobs.

"_Please._ He's coming back—I don't know when—but when he does, it's going to start again. And I don't want you watching. I don't want you to see me like this. I don't know where I am, but I tried to escape before, and I think it's a small house near the woods. There's nothing around us, but he did leave once to go shopping, and he made it back in around 20 minutes. So, use that information, trace this signal, do _something_ to get me back home."

Her breath caught and she started coughing, choking. She leaned her head back against the table and struggled to breathe. _Calm down, calm down._ As the fit subsided, she turned her face towards the open window. _I'm going to make it. They're coming for me. _Her eyes closed, and she slipped into a restless slumber.

* * *

><p><strong>Quantico, VA. FBI Headquarters. Behavioral Analysis Unit.<strong>

The video screen went black, and silence filled the conference room.

…

Hotch fell back into his chair and threw the remote on the table. He'd pressed stop. He'd listened to her. He'd do whatever she wanted. Because that's all he _could _do. _I've failed her. _He put his head in his hands and just sat there, motionless, silent.

Morgan was visibly shaking with fury. _I'm going to kill that son-of-a-bitch. Kill, kill, kill, kill…. _He slammed his fist into the wall—paint specks erupted on impact.

Rossi closed his eyes. _Stay calm, stay calm, think about what she said, how to find her—we have to find her. _He slowly clenched and unclenched his fists, rhythmically, therapeutically.

Emily couldn't breathe. _No. No, no, no, no, no…she's going to die, this is real; she's going to die. _She furiously wiped her eyes. _But we're not going to let that happen. No crying, no breaking down, not when she needs us, not after—_the tears were falling quickly now, rolling down her cheeks in a relentless torrent. _Breathe, just breathe…_

Reid was still, pale, barely breathing. Time had stopped. _JJ. Hurt. Pain. Screaming. Choking. Sobbing. Where are we? Why aren't we there? Why can't we find her, why can't we save her? When she needs us the most, why are we here? When we so desperately need to be there? _He bit his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. _She's dying, and we're nowhere to be found… We've let her down. _A single tear rolled down his cheek. _ How did I let this happen..? My fault, my fault, should've seen this coming, can't do anything about it, so helpless. JJ. Why..? Please, why? _He didn't bother to wipe away the tears—he just sat there, frozen.

Garcia stared at the picture in her hands. It was of her, JJ, and Emily. The three of them were laughing, smiling, joking around… They were at the local bar, hanging out after a long day of work. _Jayje…oh, my sweet girl… _She hugged the picture to her chest and rocked back and forth in her seat. _We're coming for you, hold on, we're going to bring you back home. _She glanced around the room. _No one's giving up on you! Don't you even think for a second we've given up! So—so you stay alive! 'Cause we're coming! _A hand rested on her shoulder—_Derek_. She grabbed at it, desperate for the comfort of another's touch.

"Hotch," Rossi began, his voice breaking the awful silence. "You heard what she said. We have to find her…before—"

"Before what, Rossi?" Morgan interrupted. "Before he strangles her to death? Before he dumps her body on the side of a road for us to find? Before he tortures her and makes her scream, and we can't do anything to help, and—and—_DAMN IT!_" He threw himself into an empty chair.

The other agents simply stared. He was right. They _knew_ he was right. They'd just seen a live video feed of their partner, their _friend_ being tortured. And they could do absolutely nothing to help her. To stop the knife. To cut the wire. To cool the burns. _Nothing_.

"Morgan." Hotch raised his head from his hands and looked directly at the black agent. "All of you." He met the eyes of each of his agents. "What we've just seen is probably etched into each and every one of your minds—and it will be there forever. You're all feeling hopeless, scared, and angry. Because some psychopath has JJ. And we can't do anything to stop him from hurting her. We can't protect her. And it's killing you—it's killing _me_." He took a deep breath. "I know the last thing you want is to fail. To find her too late. To find her…dead…" He looked down at his hands, then back up at the agents. "So, we're not going to fail. We're not going to let her die. She deserves that from us. From _all _of us. She gave us information; let's use it. Garcia?"

"S—sir?"

"You know what to do."

"Yes, sir." The analyst hurried from the room, her head down, the picture still clutched in her hands.

Hotch watched her departure, and then turned to the rest of his team.

"We need to go over _every, single bit_ of information we picked up from the victims' families, from the crime scene, from the press conference video, from the torture feed. There's _something_ there that will tell us where she is. Got it?"

The agents nodded, their faces a mixture of fury, sadness, terror, and anxiety.

They needed a miracle.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

_"Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together." ~__**Eugene Ionesco**_

* * *

><p>Hotch sat at his desk, staring off into space. <em>This is my fault. She was right there. Right in front of me! And I let him TAKE her. I let him HURT her…it's my fault, all my fault.<em>

"Hotch?"

The senior agent jerked out of his stupor. He looked up and met the eyes of his oldest friend.

"Rossi," Hotch nodded a greeting to his partner. "Any leads?"

"None so far…" Rossi's face was sullen and his eyes tired, the bags under them more apparent. "But I think Reid's on to something. And with Garcia's new information on the unsub's possible location, we might actually have enough to find her…"

"You know that's not _nearly _good enough."

"I know."

There was a pause, an empty silence that engulfed the room. Then…

"I miss her." Hotch's voice broke as he struggled to maintain the hard exterior that encased his emotions. "And I—I don't know what to do, how to save her. I mean, we _always_ find a way to save the victims. We never _truly_ fail in the end of it all. But this is different. I can't risk losing her. Not when who she is and what she does for this team matters so much. Without her, we'd fall apart at the seams. Every single day, this job takes another part of what makes us human. Our love, our faith, our family and friends... We do everything we can to patch up the holes in our lives, but sometimes, we just can't. We _can't_, Rossi. And if JJ dies, I—I don't know…I just don't know."

He bowed his head. _I've failed her. She put her faith in me, and I let her down. I'm sorry, JJ. I'm so sorry._ Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He glanced up at his friend, who gave him a weak smile.

"It's just—"

"Hotch," Rossi said gently, "I _know_."

* * *

><p>Emily looked over at Reid, who was standing in front of the drawing board, mumbling to himself. Then, she looked down at her watch—<em>damn it, we're taking too long to figure this thing out! <em>

"Reid?"

The renowned genius said nothing, did nothing; in fact, he didn't appear to have heard her speak at all.

"_Reid_!"

He started, then whirled around to face his colleague. "Emily, _what_?"

"We're running out of time…" She gave him a meaningful look. "Anything you have right now would be helpful. _Anything_."

He grimaced. _She's right; it's been two hours since we watched that—that video… Come on, Spencer, focus. This unsub is self-aggrandizing, egotistical, bastardly, a sexual sadist…he dumps his victims unceremoniously, yet he takes the time to adjust their bodies just so…face upward, begging forgiveness, repentance for past sins, looking to the past, not the future…live feed of the torture, an audience…death by asphyxiation…he always has power, control…only wants to get it right…so why JJ; why not keep to the pattern? Brunettes…long hair, beautiful…quick change to blondes…special agent with the BAU…communications liaison…strong, feminine figure…captured in front of police station, in front of officers, agents, the media…dark room to keep hostages…basement…small house, in a heavily wooded area in Maryland…remote, yet about 20 minutes from civilization—thanks to Garcia, we can say Western Maryland— and the burial site has to be relatively close to where he keeps his victims, near their families… _Reid turned back to the board, where a map of Maryland was hung. _Right HERE is the original dump site. _He placed a red marker on the spot. _Now, that's in the western region of the state… _With a marker, he boxed in Western Maryland, and then pinpointed heavily-wooded, loosely-populated areas in that region. Once finished, the agent stood back to check his handiwork. _There are only three viable places he could be keeping her: Garrett State Forest, Swallow Falls, or Deep Creek Lake. It can't be Garrett—there's no source of water. So it's either Swallow or Deep Creek. _Reid bit his lip, his brow furrowing in concentration. _ Swallow has rivers, one lake…it's remote, but…if I had to guess, I'd say he's got a small place in Deep Creek. He's probably got a place off the edge of the lake, yet still deep enough in the forest where he stays hidden. Yeah. That's it._

"Deep Creek Lake. That's where she is; that's where he has her."

He met Prentiss' eyes. They were hard and angry—_she's focused, compartmentalizing, putting everything she has into this case, but she's slowly breaking to pieces inside, desperately trying to hold herself together…for JJ._

"Are you sure?"

He shot her a look.

"Right…" She ducked her head, breaking contact with the younger agent. She whipped out her cell phone and hit speed dial.

"Agent Hotchner."

"Hotch, the unsub's keeping JJ somewhere in the Deep Creek Lake area."

She heard her boss' deep intake of breath, the pause he took to regain control, to keep his emotions in check.

"We—we're leaving in 5."

"Yes, sir."

She snapped the phone shut, then looked at Reid. He was staring solemnly at the floor, shifting from one foot to the other, deep in his own thoughts. Watching him there, lost, confused, and terrified, sent a startling, yet entirely truthful notion through her mind: _if JJ doesn't make it out of this alive…this team is going to fall apart._

* * *

><p>Jayne Adams liked—no, <em>loved<em>—his prize. The _special agent_. The strikingly beautiful, fierce young woman who had pitted him against one of the most distinguished teams of federal agents in the _world_. He sat in the living room of his house, sipping a large cup of black coffee. He set the cup down on a nearby table, and then leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes, remembering the glorious events of the past few hours. _Her body…so perfect, so right…the smooth cuts, dark red stains...which blade, which blade? Has to be sharp, delicate, curved…like her…ooh, that one there…look into her eyes…black, white, blue…scared, so scared…all mine…mine to hold, to maim, to love, to kill…make her scream, eyes rolled back, mouth wide open, face stretched thin…so thin…pale, white, icy-cold…please make it stop; that's what she says…please, PLEASE…make her say it…teach her how to feel…teach her what's acceptable, what's right, what's wrong…give her what she deserves…SCREAM…_

A gentle sobbing from beneath him shook him out of his reverie. When he opened his eyes, he saw red. _Stop…no, don't start...don't do it…make it stop, make HER stop… _He clenched his fists, gritted his teeth, bit his lip to make the red appear. _No power, she can't take it away, can't do anything right! Help me, no…help you? Blonde, black, blue, red, white, brown…mix it up, make it stop, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP! _He jumped up, his body visibly shaking with tremors. He stomped over to the door—_the dungeon door_—and flung it open, forcefully, so that it slammed into the wall, sending splinters of wood flying, drifting down, down, down onto the cold, unforgiving floor. _She's crying…hasn't learned anything…hasn't learned enough…make her pay, make her stop…turn the sobs to screams…make her pay for her sins… _He took the stairs two at a time, until he reached the bottom, where an enormous, steel-iron door lay in wait…for his touch, for his word…_say the magic word! _

He pushed open the door; it creaked, slowly, steadily, _a warning for Ms. Jareau_.

"You should stop…" The agent's tear-stained face lifted to meet his own. Her eyes were wide, terrified, paralyzed with fear. She had ceased crying, yet the cursed noise was still ringing in his ears. He gripped his head. _MAKE IT STOP!_

"You should _really_ stop…"

She gave him a confused look—_am I not being clear? Am I not telling her what I want? I said—_

"MAKE IT STOP!"

Suddenly, he was at her side, on top of her, gripping her neck with thick, meaty, strong hands. She screamed and screamed and screamed until nothing came out. She screamed until her shrieks died off into gurgling gasps. _Stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP!_

A heavy silence filled the house.

* * *

><p><strong>400 miles away<strong>, a government jet streaked across the fading horizon. Its passengers were on a mission: to save Jennifer Jareau. To save their partner. A mother. Sister. Daughter. _Friend._


	8. Chapter 8

**Dear readers/reviewers, this chapter is so important that it only needed 179 words. It is, in fact, so important a chapter that it is written abstractly, to make you really _read_ it. To make you feel what poor JJ is feeling. To put you in her head; to make you think her confused, dizzy, spiraling thoughts.** **So please, enjoy the insanity that is my writing. And remember, reviews are the equivalent of chocolate cake. Which I absolutely LOVE. :D**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 8<p>

_"But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep…" ~__**Robert Frost**_

* * *

><p><strong>(in another world perhaps, another time, another day, a pause, a sneeze, a leap)<strong>

* * *

><p>The sun touched the approaching dark, hesitating. The night would come, as it always did, but why now? Why not wait…for a minute…for a second..? <em>Fight against the black<em>, she thought to herself. _Push to keep whatever light is left out of dark's reach. Don't let the darkness win._ The sun left streaks of gold and red and orange, painting the sky. But the blue and blonde were all she had left to hold. Because the black had taken everything else. He'd mixed the red into everything. _Keep fighting. _But now the sun could feel it. JJ could feel it. Her life—the sun's life—slipping, taking the colors with it, ridding the sky of all its light. _Her_ life, falling faster, fast—away. From her team, her son, from the world she knew, feared, protected, and loved. Taking her far… FAR FROM HOME.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

_"To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable." ~__**Erich Fromm**_

* * *

><p>Jayne Adams released his grip on the agent's neck. He glanced down at her still form, lying beneath him, twisted and broken, bloodied and bruised…<p>

_She's not moving. What did you do? _

_No…no, no, no…she's damaged…too far gone…save her…bring her back…I need her back!_

He clambered off her body. Her eyes were slightly glazed, her mouth wide open in a silent scream. He shook his head in despair.

"No…"

A single tear drifted down his cheek. He furiously wiped it away.

_This can't be happening…not again!_

"No!"

He let out a feral roar and placed his hands on her chest. He pushed down as hard as he could, over and over again, trying to bring her life back.

"Please, please, PLEASE…don't leave me…you promised; don't you remember? Come back to me…please!"

As he knelt by the woman's side, frantically attempting to restart her heart, he flashed back to his first, so many years ago…

_*He loved her, wanted her to love him, too…tried to teach her a lesson, make her good…show her how to be better…got so angry…made him mad…make her stop, make her stop, MAKE IT STOP. Warm skin, wrapped between his thick fingers…squeeze so tight; she has to PAY. Harder, harder, HARDER…until she learns… … …Silence. No more thrashing…her nails ripped and torn, skin ashen-grey, lips blue …eyes wide open…cold, breathless…gone. She left him alone…need to get another…happened again… NEED another, and another; why do they keep leaving me? WHY?*_

Jayne sobbed as he worked over the dead agent's body.

_Keep pushing…don't stop…help her._

_BRING HER BACK._

_One, two, three._

_One, two, three._

_One, two—_

* * *

><p><em>THREE.<em>

Jennifer Jareau gasped. Her chest lifted off the hard ground and slammed back down, emitting a loud *CRACK* as it impacted. _My ribs…_

Tears streamed down her face, mixing with bloody sweat as she struggled to breathe. She choked.

_Can't breathe, somebody…help… _She took a few quick, short, intensely painful breaths.

_C'mon…breathe, JJ—just stay calm, and BREATHE. _

She squeezed her eyes shut, concentrating on her heart rate.

_Focus; breathe...c'mon—_

She breathed in deep, flinching as the burning oxygen rushed through her cracked chest. Blood flushed her once pallid skin, and her face lit up with renewed color.

She opened her eyes, slowly…cautiously. _He's still here._

The terrified agent found herself staring into the black, strangely concerned eyes of her captor.

The man let out a sigh of relief and gave her a distorted grin.

"Thank God, you're back."

_I'm…back? I wasn't gone—_

Her eyes went wide.

_I was…dead. He—he killed me._

He laughed and took her in his arms, lifting her up and onto the metal table.

"Don't you _ever_ leave me again; you hear me? _Never_ _again_."

He didn't bother to strap her down._ She's too weak…needs time to recover._

He leaned down and gently brushed his lips against her clammy forehead.

JJ cringed from the unsolicited contact.

_What the hell?_

He stared at her, drinking her in…

She met his gaze with her own, daring him to touch her again. She was still numb—the blood hadn't spread to her lower body yet, so she couldn't feel the pain that she knew was coming. The cuts, bruises, shattered bones…her burned, broken flesh… soon, she'd be able to feel it _all_.

_Please…just leave me alone…let me break…_

_It's easy to break when you're not here…_

She bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood; the fresh pain kept the tears from falling…it helped her stay strong in front of her—

—her _killer_.

_..._

_Please…_

As if he'd heard her silent plea, he broke away from her stare and turned to face the door.

"I'll be back. Stay here—

_Bastard; where could I possibly go_—

—and rest…you'll need your strength back for what I've got planned for you…"

He chuckled deeply and, without another word, walked out of the dark room.

* * *

><p>…<p>

_Well, damn._

JJ lay on the metal table, staring up at the tiny, moving light above her head. _Déjà vu…_

She moaned as the pain flared up; it was coming back, slowly and steadily. Everything that had happened to her in the past two days resurfaced, and she struggled to hold herself together.

_They're still coming for me…my team is coming… _

Her eyes glistened with unfallen tears. _And I know what I'm going to do when I see them._

She sobbed now, gritting her teeth against the resulting twinge of pain.

_I'm going to hug Will and let him hold me close and never let go…_

_I'm going to hold my baby boy in my arms and rock him to sleep…_

_I'm going to welcome Garcia's momma-bear hug…_

_I'm going to grip Em's trembling hand with my own…_

_I'm going to kick Morgan's ass in darts and prove to him that nothing's changed…_

_I'm going to ask Spence about something—anything to keep him talking—and I'll actually listen…_

_I'm finally going to play chess with Rossi; I'll even let him show off his infamous culinary skills…_

_I'm going to give Hotch a real smile and tell him he did the right thing…he came for me…they all did. _

_I'm going home._

* * *

><p>Her captor's boots thudded above her, heavy and ominous, making the ceiling rumble and shake.<p>

A sudden chill flooded through her body, and a terrifying realization entered her mind.

_They're not going to make it in time._


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

_"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love." ~__**Washington Irving**_

* * *

><p>"<em>Spence…please…help me…he's coming back…he's going to kill me; HELP!" <em>

"_JJ?"_

"_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—"_

…

"_JJ..?"_

_Silence._

" _JJ!"_

_Run. Faster, faster…turn the corner…THERE. _

_Someone on the ground. A woman…_

_*TAP TAP TAP* _

_Blood dripping…staining her hair, forming a widening pool around her still form, broken form. Limbs twisted, splintered…bite marks and bruises. Deep cuts covering her whole body...charred skin, flesh ripped, torn off…strewn around her…mixed in with the blood…_

_Damn._

_But who is she?_

_She's face down. _

_She who?_

_Flip her over. _

_Stare. _

_Lean over…hands on knees, breathe in…deep, slowly…no…it's coming up…can't stop it, can't—_

—_vomit…throat burning…retched smell…chunks of puke splatter the blood-covered floor._

_It's __**her**__._

_The clear blue eyes, recognizable even when cloudy and __**dead**__. The shape of her nose, slanted and perfect—now a shattered mess. Her lips, pale and pink…dry and cracked. Her hair, wild and stringy…red with her blood, brown with dirt, a complete mix of colors…everything except for its natural color…but still, one can just tell these things. Her __**cold, lifeless body**__. Her mouth wide open, her face forever distorted with pain, loss, longing...dead hope…dreams dashed, life torn away by a monster with the face of a man…_

_It's HER._

_JJ…_

…

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—"_

* * *

><p>"Reid!"<p>

The young agent jerked awake, mid-scream, and almost fell out of his seat. Sweat poured down his face; his hair was plastered to his forehead.

He found himself staring into a set of dark, concerned, terrified eyes. A pair of hands was clutching his shoulders—_shook me awake…_

"Morgan?"

Agent Derek Morgan nodded, peering into his friend's face. _What's going on in that brilliant mind of yours..? For once, though, I don't really want to know…_

Reid glanced around the inner cabin of the government jet, fear written all over his ashen face. His gaze fell on the rest of the team, who were all asleep in their assorted positions.

"What happened? Why—" The notorious genius uncharacteristically stumbled to form a coherent sentence.

Morgan gently interrupted the agent, careful not to startle him. "You were dreaming."

Reid rubbed his tired eyes. "More like having a _nightmare_."

"You remember what it was about?"

"Yeah…" He visibly flinched as he flashed back to his horrific dream. "JJ…"

Morgan sighed and released his grip on the man's tensed shoulders.

"I figured as much…" He leaned back in his leather seat and crossed his arms, a look of pure determination on his exhausted face. "That's why I'm not going to get even a second of sleep until we find our girl."

"Morgan, you can't—"

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do." He met Reid's troubled expression with an adamant one of his own.

After a few impossibly long seconds of matching the other man's gaze, Reid let his eyes drop to the carpeted floor.

"You're right."

Morgan groaned, irritated at himself for lashing out at his friend. _Crap…_

_Reid…if you think I'm mad at __**you**__..._

"Hey, man, I'm sorry about that…c'mon, look at me."

Reid lifted his head.

"I want her back, okay? I just—" Morgan paused, his features twisted with grief. "I can't _deal_ with this. With her being gone…hurt, tortured…and in pain…"

The agent shuddered as he recalled the horrifying video, her desperate screams…crying for help…

"Reid…"

The younger agent looked into his friend's eyes. They were hard and angry, on the verge of spilling furious, helpless tears…seeking solace, trying to find faith in whatever might help them all get through this.

_If _they got through this.

Morgan continued, his tone bitter. "I just want to find her and bring her home, and the fact that this _bastard _is fucking with us just makes things worse, and I just can't—"

"—sit here and wait while he's hurting her…I know…I want her back too."

Reid's voice trembled. _Keep it together, man…_

"And sometimes, when I close my eyes, I—I see her face, lit up and happy…like when she calls me 'Spence'…" He broke off, the tears flowing freely now.

"All I want is to see her again, _alive_. I want to see her beautiful smile. I want to hold her in my arms, and tell her she's my—my best friend. That I used to have a schoolboy crush on her, way back when. That she's an amazing woman and an incredible mother. That I love being Henry's godfather. That her not being here is worse than anything I've _ever_—" He took a long, shuddering breath. "I want to tell her that no one in the world could fill the void she'd make if she were to die and leave me alone…if she left me to suffer in this god-awful, lonely, hellish place that we live in, that we call home."

He stopped speaking and sat in his seat, silent and unmoving, while the tears he'd been struggling so hard to contain for the last two days streamed down his face in an endless flood of salt and sweat.

_Reid…_

Morgan grabbed his friend's shaking hand, as if it were a lifeline…for both of them.

_I don't know what to say to that…and even if I did, I don't think I ever could._

He looked at his temporary family, scattered throughout the large plane, no doubt each deep in the thralls of his or her own special hell.

_We're at the end of the ropes here…I just hope she still trusts us enough to forgive us for taking so long…for not being there by her side while she experienced the worst moments in her life. _

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back.

_Damn it, girl. Hold on with all you've got left. We're still coming for you._

* * *

><p>*CLICK*<p>

"Guys?"

_Huh…no answer. They're probably asleep. But I need them __**awake**__ to hear this…_

"Hello?"

The tech impatiently rapped her fingers against the table in her colorful office. In one hand, she held a fuzzy, pink-headed troll pen, and in the other, she gripped a lovely silver necklace, adorned with a tiny heart. She'd been planning to give it to JJ…

_Guys?_

_If you want to hear the urgent news, you have to wake up!_

A few more seconds went by with no answer on their end.

_Well, thankfully, I'm not one to give up._

She dialed her boss' number.

_Pick up, pick up, please…Hotch?_

"Garcia?" Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner's weary voice was sweet music to her ears.

"Hey, boss-man! So, I've got some news on our girl's possible whereabouts. Care to wake the angels up?"

Hotch's sounded somewhat less solemn as he answered her. "Hold on."

Garcia heard some movements on his end of the phone, a few quiet mumbles…

_C'mon…_

"Alright, Garcia; you're on speaker. What've you got for us?"

"Listen up, boys and girls. Thanks to Doctor Reid's _genius_ deductions, I've been able to pinpoint an area in Deep Creek that fits our unsub's likely hiding place."

_And now, for the details._

"I've sent a map of the region to each of your phones. When you land, you'll need to drive a few miles northwest until you reach the park's main entrance. I should be able to guide you from there. "

She leaned back in her swivel chair and smiled, happier than she had been an hour ago. _We're going to get her back..!_

"Garcia?" She sat up. _I know that voice: Rossi._

"Sir?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a lifesaver?"

"Not until right now, sir."

She heard a loud chuckle... _Well, hello there, my dark prince._

"That wouldn't be my Morgan laughing at me, now would it?"

"Not even a little bit, baby girl."

_Liar, liar._

"Mmmhmm…whatever you say." She paused as a sudden thought crossed her mind.

"Um, Hotch?"

"Yes, Garcia?"

"May I speak to Emily? Preferably alone, please?"

After a few moments of frantic shuffling, a short *BEEP*sounded…

"I'm here, Garcia."

"Em…I need you to do something for me when you find Jayje."

On the other end of the line, Emily Prentiss gripped the edge of her seat. _I'll do __**anything**__. Anything at all; please…so I can do __**something **__to help her._

"Just name it."

"I need you to—"

* * *

><p>Rossi watched Emily as she exchanged silent whispers with Garcia over the phone.<p>

_They must be talking about JJ…_

He turned his head and found himself staring out into the night. Billowing clouds spread throughout the gray-black-blue that colored the sky…thick clouds, patterned, swirling, dancing in the wind… _It really is a beautiful world…up __**here**__. Far from the desolate expanse of flat earth below, invaded and crawling with millions of people, good and evil. In the empty space of the sky, nothing truly dies…stars wink out and fade into the black, but they always exist, born again and again to shine in the darkness. Like tiny points of hope in a world full of death and destruction._

He leaned against the cold window, and closed his eyes.

_I hope JJ can see the stars from where she is right now…_


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey, guys. Sorry it took so long for me to put this up. But I promise you, this chapter is EPIC. Seriously. :) (Well, I hope you agree.) Enjoy, and please review! **

**P.S. Did you all see the promo pictures of 7x14? OMG, finally. .com/ (Scroll down for "Closing Time.")** ** ^_^**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 11<p>

"_Nothing is easier than denouncing the evildoer. Nothing more difficult than understanding him." ~__**Dostoyevsky**_

* * *

><p>The BAU jet skimmed above the landing strip. Its wheels gently touched the pavement below, and its tires squealed as it skidded to a complete stop.<p>

*WHOOSH*

The jets' doors opened slowly, and five people emerged into the cold Maryland air.

Agent Aaron Hotchner led his team of federal agents. His brow was deeply furrowed, and a permanent frown was etched upon his face—_this is it. Our moment. To prove that we truly are the best of the FBI. That good __**can**__ triumph over evil. That we __**can**__ save a friend against impossible odds. That we __**are**__ a family. _

Agent David Rossi followed, his eyes blazing with set determination—_we've gotten this far; it's time to bring JJ home, back where she belongs. _He glanced behind him, where the rest of the team was trailing out of the plane. _Here we are, each of us with our own problems, our own reasons to do __**this**__ job each and every day of our lives. But no matter what our personal struggles are and have been, we have __**never**__ given up on each other._

Behind him, Agent Derek Morgan strode forward, his fists clenched, his teeth bared as he pictured JJ at the hands of that _bastard_ who was holding her captive. _You hold on, girl. We've got your back—always have. And now we know where you are. This son-of-a-fucking-__**bitch**__ is going to pay for what he's done to you. Hell, JJ. He's put you through fucking __**hell**__._

Agent Emily Prentiss flanked her partner—_Jayje, please. Stay alive; stay alive. We're almost there, so you just need to hold on a little bit longer. For __**seven years**__, you've kept this team strong. We owe you. So, when we crash that door down, you better still be alive. 'Cause I would give my life for you. Damn it, we all would. And you __**need**__ to know that. …Please know that._

Doctor Spencer Reid stumbled after his teammates_. _This wasn't just _some case_. This wasn't just _another victim_. This was _Jennifer Jareau_. His mind flashed back repeatedly to his nightmare. _I won't let that happen to you. Not __**you**__. Please, JJ. I need to hear your voice again. I need to see those beautiful, reassuring blue eyes. What am I going to do without my best friend? _He swallowed back thick tears. _Jennifer Jareau. Jennifer. JJ. Please. __**Don't let him take you away.**_

* * *

><p>Two black sedans were parked alongside the track. Each agent silently donned a bulletproof FBI vest and wire and filed into the government vehicles. Hotch, Rossi, and Reid in one, Morgan and Prentiss in another. The entire team had been briefed, thanks to Garcia. She had discovered the empty cabin in the woods and the man who owned it. <em>Jayne Adams.<em> Priors for assault, robbery, and persistent aggravation. _He_ was the man who was responsible for the murders here. _He_ was the man who had taken one of their own. And now they knew where he had her.

"Hotch?" Morgan spoke into his earpiece. "Garcia just sent you the coordinates."

Hotch adjusted his seat and transitioned from "Park" to "Drive."

"I've got them. Trail us for now, but be ready for when I tell you to split up. I'm going to need you and Prentiss to find a back entrance in case the unsub tries to flee the scene."

"Yes, sir."

"And Morgan?"

"Yeah, Hotch?"

"We all need to be prepared for what we might find."

Morgan glanced over at Emily, who met his eyes with her own. _She's terrified, too._

"I know. I'll have an ambulance on stand-by."

Without another word, Hotch pressed down on the gas pedal. The car lurched forward, and both vehicles sped off into the night. _Let's go to work._

* * *

><p><strong>The Unsub's Cabin. Deep Creek Lake.<strong>

The moon rose above the trees, casting long shadows onto the earth below. The lake glistened with silver light, and tiny ripples spread across its glassy surface as a soft rain began to fall, its pace quickening as the moon reached its climax. A gentle breeze flicked droplets of water over the land and into a desolate clearing where a small cabin stood. *SMACK*—against a barred window. A slim beam of light contrasted with the small beads of rain, making them flicker and shine in the night. A crack in the window. Drip, drip, drip. Water trailed down the wall, onto the metal floor, where it mixed with red. A dim light hung from the ceiling, illuminating the horrific scene below. Rain, blood, cold, and sweat. _Everywhere_.

Jennifer Jareau sobbed as her captor stood over her.

And somewhere in the trees, out in the long distance, a lonely wolf howled for its pack.

* * *

><p>Inside the house, Jayne Adams stared at his beautiful prize. The blonde hair, tear-streaked face, black and blue and red. <em>Bitch. Too bad you won't change. For me. For us. If only—<em>

"Y-you won't g-get a-away with t-this, you sick—"

He slapped her. Once, twice, a third time to make her shut up.

She did.

Her head lolled to the side, her lips parted open ever so slightly, her cheeks flushed a brilliant, bloody red.

_That's better._

He tilted his head back and let out a pleasant sigh. It had been two hours since he'd revived the young agent. Two hours of additional torture. And this time, he found himself completely satisfied with the results of his work. _Extra time. That's all I needed. _He laughed out loud, relishing in the feeling of victory. _I am __**invincible**__. Even the __**FBI**__ couldn't beat __**me**__ in the end. I've won. _He chuckled deeply before wiping his nose with the back of his hand. _This is it. The time has come._

He grabbed his favorite knife from the tool table on his left. He brought it up to his face and sniffed the glistening blade. _Ahhh… _He smiled and ran his tongue along its serrated edge. _Solid steel, three inches thick, silver hilt. Hello, old friend._ Jayne reached out with his free hand and brushed a single finger against his victim's cheek. She was colder than he'd like. _Do it __**now**__. _

He raised the knife above his head, and prepared himself for what was to come. He could feel it already. The plunge of the blade into soft, silky skin. Penetrating the flesh with solid strokes. Hot blood spilling from each cut, pooling at the base of his hilt. Her pained gasps as his release sends him tumbling into a spiral cloud of ecstasy. _**Yes**__. FEEL IT. _Jayne closed his eyes and counted down slowly, his breath quickening in his chest, lighting his nerve endings on fire. He could barely contain himself anymore.

_One._

The knife rose higher into the air.

_Two._

It paused suddenly, suspended in his vice-like grip.

_Thr—_

*BOOM*

Jayne jerked out of his trance, the knife loosening in his hands.

_What was that?_

Still clutching the knife in his hands, he sprinted to the window and looked outside. _There. _Two black vehicles were parked outside the cabin, their headlights dimmed. _They're here._

He cursed.

* * *

><p>JJ groaned as she came to her senses—<em>again.<em> The pain she'd felt hours ago was _nothing _compared to the agony she felt now. She carefully shifted her body. _Shit. _ Her inflamed wrists and ankles slid against the leather restraints, reopening multiple cuts. Blood trickled down her legs, and she hissed in pain as each movement caused her burned skin to flare up, the pus-filled blisters that lined her body leaking white fluid. _Aw, hell… _She opened her eyes and turned her head. Blue met dark brown, and she recoiled from the unsub's putrid breath.

The _bastard_ held one finger to his mouth. "Shhh…"

_What? Why—_

"FBI!"

_Oh my god._

They were here. They'd arrived. _They came for me. _

_I'm saved…_

Suddenly, she found herself on her feet. The unsub had ripped her off the table—_ouch—_and was now holding her in front of him as a shield. She bared her teeth against the searing pain as his strong hands gripped her shoulders. _Get off me! _She fought him, desperately trying to escape. _Hotch! I'm here, please! I'm in he— S_he felt something cold press against her neck. _Crap. _The sharp blade bit into her skin, and she ceased her struggling.

"Jayne Adams, we know you're in here!"

_Hotch…_

Her captor tightened his hold on her as he backed away from the door. She felt his hot breath on her skin, his tongue tasting the blood that covered her whole body.

"Don't you dare try anything stupid, girl. There's only one way out of this mess."

_That's what __**you **__think._

"Hotch! There's a basement!"

_Morgan… Yes, c'mon. Almost there... Please…_

She cried out as the unsub pulled her back farther. The blade cut deeper, sending tiny red droplets splattering the dirt-covered floor. Tears stung her eyes. _God, this __**hurts**__._ She blinked rapidly. _**No**__. Don't think about the pain. They're here; they're going to make everything better. Trust your team. Stay still, keep calm, and just __**listen**__. _She closed her eyes and strained her ears.

A muted thud, quiet steps, a sudden creak.

_There._

Someone was coming down the stairs…

*BANG*

The door shook on impact, dust rising up from floor.

*BANG*

JJ could just make out the muffled voices from outside the room.

"Prentiss, help me!"

*BANG*

*BANG*

_C'mon, guys…_

*CRASH*

The door fell in a heap of splintered wood and metal.

_Yes._

The dust settled, and JJ found herself staring into the eyes of her friends.

* * *

><p><strong>30 Seconds Earlier.<strong>

Morgan slammed his shoulder into the door, one more time for good measure.

"Prentiss, help me!"

Emily was immediately at his side.

He looked into her eyes, a sort of understanding passing between them.

_One._

Together, they kicked the door. It shuddered but didn't give.

_Two._

Now it began to budge, slowly caving inward.

_Three._

With a tremendous *CRASH* the wooden door fell.

* * *

><p>The sight that met the two agents' eyes would forever haunt them. The unsub had his back to the far corner of the room, and he was holding something—<em>someone—<em>in front of him…_like a shield_…

In one glance, Emily took in her friend's pale face, the dripping blood and sweat that seemed to coat every inch of her body. Her clothes were ripped and torn, revealing purple-black bruises and blisters. The sickening smell of burned flesh hung in the air. The metal table in the middle of the room was covered with slick red—_blood_—and off to the side, a small table held an array of tools. Knives, pliers, lead sprinklers, thumbscrews, a cattle prod… _Holy hell. _Emily tore her eyes away from the weapons and met JJ's blue eyes, which were clouded over in pain. She was swaying in the unsub's arms, barely conscious.

"JJ!"

_Hey, Em._

Emily seemed utterly horrified by JJ's appearance. Morgan just looked angry. Both their guns were trained on the man who was holding the blonde agent against his chest.

"I am never letting her go! Do you hear me? NEVER! She's mine, and I won't let you take her from me!" Jayne screamed at the agents.

Morgan glared at him. _I swear to god I will make you—_

"We know." A shaky voice interrupted his vicious thoughts.

_What?_

Morgan was shocked to see Emily slowly lower her weapon and place it on the ground in front of them.

"Prentiss?"

She held up her hand and threw him a quick glance.

"I've got this, Derek."

"Yeah, _Derek_. Leave it to Emily to get you out of this mess." The unsub sneered.

_Shut up, you sick son-of-a-bitch._

"D-Derek…" Morgan was startled to hear JJ's voice. He refused to turn his gaze away from the unsub, but from what he could hear, she was in a considerable amount of pain. Her voice was shaky, strained, and hoarse, barely above a whisper. "P-please. L-let…let her—"

She screamed suddenly, her anguished cries causing both Emily and Morgan to flinch. The unsub had twisted her arm sharply to the side. And that's when they noticed the blade he held tightly to her neck. Every twist of her body pushed it deeper…

"Stop it!" Emily yelled. JJ was thrashing in the unsub's grip, and blood poured from old wounds._ She can't take much more of this… _

Jayne only laughed. "But she likes it _so _much…"

JJ sobbed, her head falling forward against her chest. _Make it stop…just make it __**stop**__…_

"Jayne Adams."

_A new voice._

Jayne lifted his head and glared at the man who had just appeared behind the two agents. _Hmm…could it be?_

"Agent Hotchner." Jayne nodded his greeting.

The older agent stepped into the light, now flanked by his entire team. Each agent reacted differently to JJ's appearance. Rossi gritted his teeth and trained his gun on the unsub. Reid stood in shocked horror, unable to concentrate on the situation. He tore his eyes away from his friend and glared at Jayne, who grinned back mercilessly. Only Hotch remained still, but Jayne could see the hateful fire that churned deep below the glassy surface of his dark eyes.

_Rossi, Reid, Prentiss, Morgan, Hotch. _The unsub smirked. _Welcome to my __**evil**__ lair. _

"Jayne, I know what you want."

"Oh, is that right?" _Like hell you do._

"Yes."

Jayne stared into Hotch's eyes, daring him to continue.

"She's impure. She's evil. She needs to die."

A flicker of surprise. A twitch of his lower lip. _That's right…_

"It started with one woman. One, single woman who left you all alone. Who abandoned you. And all your life, you couldn't understand _why_. Why she did that to you. Why she would leave you. And so you took your anger out on other women. Women who fit her exact profile. You wanted to make _her_ pay, and so you did. You made them _all_ pay for _her_ mistake."

The grin was fading now. _Shut up._

"You had all the power. You would take these women, torture them for hours, and then strangle them to death. And it just felt _so good_, didn't it? _Finally_, you were proving her wrong. She shouldn't have left you, and now you were taking your revenge. She was evil, and you would make her conform. But they could never _truly _change in your eyes; am I right? Because of _her_, you've spent your entire life in a pointless cycle. Killing, killing, killing. No change. Only death. And you didn't _really _want them to die. But you couldn't bring them back. Each time they left you _again and again_, and that was _infuriating_. Why did they want to leave? Why couldn't you make them stay? Was it you? No. It was _them_."

Jayne felt the wall behind him as he moved farther back, still dragging the blonde agent. _Shut up; I'm warning you. _

"And you realized that if she left you, you'd have to leave them. No more abandonment. No more pain. You wanted it all to end, and now you knew how to make that happen. If you just killed yourself, you'd be abandoning _them_. You would _win_. Against her, and against them. But you wanted just one more victim. Someone important. Someone who would make you go out with a bang. So you watched and waited, hoping for that someone. And you found her. One day, you were sitting at home, wondering if it was worth the wait, or maybe the time was now. Suddenly, a person caught your eye. She was blonde—not your usual M.O.—but she was beautiful. Stunningly gorgeous. She was Jennifer Jareau, Agent and Communications Liaison for the BAU. The elite group of the FBI. And you realized how easy it would be to take her. To torment her team—the team that would sooner or later catch you. To make another woman pay. You made everyone see you. _This_ was your grand finale."

"Shut up!" Jayne screamed at the man in front of him. "SHUT UP!" The agent in his arms gasped as he grabbed her tighter against his body. _Hotch…_

_How do you know this? How did you—_

Hotch continued. "So you took her. But you made one fatal mistake. You targeted her family. You made them watch as she suffered. And _that_ is why you won't get your revenge. _That _ is why you will not die today. You will let Agent Jareau go, and you will go to jail. No one in this room will put a bullet in your skull. _No one._"

Jayne looked at each of the agents, at their expressions, their eyes. For any signs, anything to prove their leader wrong. _No… _Not one of them moved. A broken silence filled the dank room. The only sound was JJ's faint breathing, the steady gasps triggered by her captor's jerky movements.

_No!_

Jayne growled. "I will _kill _her." He tilted JJ's head back to reveal the pale underside of her chin. He placed the knife above her jugular. "I will _slit _her_ throat_." The blonde agent whimpered in fear.

The other agents barely flinched—only Agent Hotchner took a small step forward.

"No. You won't."

_A challenge? _Jayne threw back his head and laughed. _Oh, sir, you amuse me._

"So sure, are you?" He pressed the blade down, slowly. A beaded line of blood appeared against the pallid skin.

"Go ahead." Hotch stood there, his face smooth, his expression deadly calm.

_The fuck?_

Jayne hesitated. _Why—maybe—are they right? _Suddenly, a revelation hit him. _There's only one way out. Only one way to exact my revenge. _He glanced down at the petrified agent in his grasps. _Sorry, Agent Jareau. I wanted this to end better for both of us._

Across from the unsub, Hotch held his breath in anticipation. _C'mon… __**Do it. **__You know it's for the best. You know it's your only available option…_

His heart beat quickly in his chest as he struggled to control himself. _Hold on, JJ. _Her cries were tearing him apart, and he didn't know how much more of it he could take. _C'mon, Jayne…_

The unsub looked back over to the team, where each agent stood, seemingly calm and reserved. _How—why don't they care? I thought they cared… Damn it! If they don't kill me…_

Hotch knew the truth, though. Inside, Morgan was a turmoil of emotions. Anger, mostly. His hands gripped his gun with such ferocity, his knuckles were turning white. Rossi was only focused on the unsub, his hands on JJ, and the knife on her throat. He was seething with rage, his nostrils flaring. Reid was pale, his lips pursed, his forehead crinkled in concentration. He had his eyes on JJ and his gun trained on the man who held her. Emily was a mess, but she was struggling to compartmentalize this nightmare of a situation. Hotch could see the fear in her eyes and the blind fury that fueled the intensity of her gaze on the unsub. JJ was her best friend. JJ _needed_ to get through this. So, not reacting to the bastard's threats? Hotch knew it was hurting them _all_. But the trick was to not let _him _see their pain. To let _him _think they were done. That they didn't care enough about the woman in his arms to put him out of his misery. No. He would have to do that for himself. And that was what Hotch was waiting for. _Come on, you son-of-a-bitch. This is what you want. Just get it over with. 'Cause we sure as hell aren't going to do it for you._

Jayne Adams was cornered.

_Shit. _

The knife trembled in his hands.

_Only one way out. _

He looked back down at the agent in his arms and then again to her team. Back and forth.

_One way. _

He looked out the small window in the corner of the room, out into the night sky, which was spotted with millions of stars, bright and blazing against the Black. _This is the world we live in…ain't all gone to pieces… _

He closed his eyes.

An immediate calm washed over him.

_Well, folks…_

A gentle breeze bathed his grimy face, sending a spray of raindrops across his cheeks. He breathed in deep.

_It was one __**hell **__of a show. _

He spun Jennifer Jareau up and slashed his prized blade sideways.

The sharp edge ripped into soft skin, sending out a brilliant spray of red liquid. Hot, gurgling blood splattered the ground, and a body hit the hard floor with a hollow *THUD*.

_JJ._

* * *

><p><strong>TO BE CONTINUED.<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

_"These violent delights have violent ends." ~__**William Shakespeare**_

* * *

><p>He spun Jennifer Jareau up and slashed his prized blade sideways.<p>

The sharp edge ripped into soft skin, sending out a brilliant spray of red liquid. Hot, gurgling blood splattered the ground, and a body hit the hard floor with a hollow *THUD*.

_**JJ.**_

* * *

><p><em>*FLASH*<em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>[Jayne...?]<strong>_

…

_**[Jayne?]**_

_Huh? That __voice__..._

_**[Jayne…]**_

_Oh my god…_

_C—Caroline?_

_**[That's right, babe. I've been waiting for you... Remember what you did to me?]**_

_Shit__…_

_Aw, come on. No hard feelings, right?_

_**[Oh, sure… You just **__**murdered**__** me. Now why the **__**hell**__** would I still be pissed at you for **__**that**__**? Unfortunately for you, though, I don't think these other women agree with me…]**_

_Other women? Who—_

_**[Jayne.]**_ _Beth…_

_**[Jayne.]**_ _Jill…_

_**[Jayne.]**_ _Amanda…_

_**[Jayne.]**_ _Elizabeth…_

_**[JAYNE!]**_

_No!__ Too many voices; make them stop, make it __STOP__!_

_**[Why, Jayne?]**_

_**[Was it fun?]**_

_**[I had three kids, Jayne.]**_

_**[Jayne, why?]**_

_**[Jayne.]**_

_**[Jayne.]**_

_**[JAYNE.]**_

_LEAVE ME __ALONE__!_

_**[**__**No**__**, Jayne. You've made your choice. You loved us, killed us, and humiliated us. All our years, wasted away…and for what? To end so slowly, so painfully by your soiled hands? Did we mean so little to you? …oh, Jayne. Dear boy, it's time for you to pay for your **__**sins**__**. Jayne... It's time to **__**DIE**__**.]**_

_No. I don't want this anymore! Take me back! I want my life back!_

_**[It's too late, Jayne. Too late for you—too late for us.]**_

_NO! Please!_

_**[That's what we all said. We **__**begged**__** for our lives, for your forgiveness, for your **__**mercy**__**. And you defiled us. You spit in our faces, and you tortured our souls. Because of you, we are doomed forever. Because of you, our lives mean nothing, and we are forced to spend eternity in hell. You are **__**worthless**__**. And you will **__**suffer**__**.]**_

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
><em>

_—!_

* * *

><p>*FLASH*<p>

* * *

><p>Arterial blood sprayed out in all directions, painting the room and its occupants with a brilliant splash of ruby-red.<p>

"JJ!"

Emily screamed out her friend's name as JJ was thrown aside, her body connecting violently with the hard ground, blood splattering the floor beneath her. _So much blood…_

Not one person acknowledged the still-warm body slumped down against the back wall as they all rushed to the aid of their fallen agent.

* * *

><p>JJ flew forward, twisting through the air before crashing to the ground with a pained cry. Blood trickled from the fresh wound in her neck, the narrow slash from the wicked knife that sent fresh pain coursing through her body. She heard a soft gurgling sound coming from behind her, a low *THUMP* as someone fell…<p>

_The unsub?_

Hot blood pooled beneath her—_I can't even tell if it's mine or his…_

And in the distance—all around her—was complete chaos, a mix of jumbled voices, frightened cries, screams of horror.

"Get me a medic!"

"Where's the ambulance?"

"She needs help, _NOW_!"

JJ struggled to keep her eyes open. _Don't…fall…asleep... Need to stay awake… Just for a little while—_

"JJ! Come on, stay with me!"

_Can't you see that I'm trying..?_

"Please, Jayje!"

_It's getting so hard…_

"_**MEDIC!**_"

She tried to lift her head. She needed to give her team some sign that she was okay. That they had made it. That everything was going to be better—now.

_Slowly…careful, JJ—_

_AGHHHHHHHH! _

She squeezed her eyes shut against the crippling pain. Everything hurt—_so bad… _

The violent fall had pulverized her right arm, causing bone fragments to splinter and protrude from her skin. She'd smashed her head against the floor—a stabbing headache, the dizziness worsening as warm blood dripped from a large cut directly above her hairline. More of it oozed from her arms and legs and trickled out of her nose and into her mouth. She spit out a congealed red blob, her teeth and tongue coated with the vile fluid. Burned flaps of skin threatened to tear completely off, hanging loosely to reveal an under layer of white pus and crinkled flesh. Her torn clothes barely covered her body, cut off in such a way as to expose her legs, arms, and stomach. Her shirt was ripped, burnt, and coated in a thick layer of crimson-wet.

Unable to reign in her silence any longer, JJ let out a bloodcurdling scream of pure, unadulterated anguish. _OH GOD—HURTS…SO MUCH…_

Suddenly, she became aware of someone at her side, kneeling down and cradling her head with gentle hands.

"Shhh… Jayje, it's okay! It's going to be okay. He's dead—he's **gone**. He can't hurt you anymore."

_Emily?_

Another person, to her right.

"The ambulance is still fourteen minutes away!"

_Morgan?_

"We need to get her a blanket, something to stop the bleeding and keep her warm."

_Spence?_

JJ forced her eyes open. _I need to see them…need to see their faces. _

…_I need to know that they're __**really**__ here._

She called _his_ name first. "S—Spence..?"

His face appeared in her hazy vision, distorted and fuzzy, but still…

_Spence…_

He said something, but she couldn't make out the words as they tumbled from his lips. _I'm just happy you're here…_ She smiled tiredly, as if to placate him. His eyebrows knit together in response and he stopped talking—_he knows I can't hear what he's saying…_

She breathed in, flinching as her body ached and protested her every move. She steadily became more and more aware of warmth above her and all around her, cradling her cold body and holding her close.

Emily's hands were still stroking her hair, gently pulling the sweaty, blood-covered strands out of JJ's face. JJ met the watery brown eyes of her friend. A moment passed between them, silent and yet so full of meaning, of unequivocal compassion, companionship, and complete understanding.

_Em… _JJ's face broke into a wide grin. _Thank you._

Emily swallowed, thick tears streaming down her face as she struggled to smile back. _Always._

* * *

><p>And then, it came again.<p>

Mind-numbing, heart-wrenching, _fucking_ _**pain**_.

JJ closed her eyes against the sudden onslaught, biting her lower lip in a futile attempt to hold back the new scream as her skin boiled, bones shifted, and nerve spasms tore her inside and out.

Emily felt utterly helpless as she held her friend, praying that the pain would lessen, that the ambulance would hurry up, that the world would right itself and make sense again.

Because it _had_ to.

* * *

><p>JJ shuddered as the pain continued to course through her veins. She gritted her teeth. <em>Let it end. Please… I just want it to <em>_**end**__._

A hand rubbed the back of her palm in slow, careful circles. _Morgan._

"JJ, I need you to keep _breathing_. Do you hear me? I need you to hold on just a little while longer. The paramedics are almost here. _Please_… Just _hold on_."

Morgan tore his eyes away from JJ's pale, shaking form and found himself looking into Emily's tortured gaze. He grimaced back, his own eyes brimming with unshed tears. _I know what you're feeling, I know what this looks like, and I know she can do this. We need to keep her here. You and me, Em. We need to be her __**anchor**__._

* * *

><p>Hotch stood above Rossi, who knelt beside the unsub. The older agent touched two fingers to the man's neck.<p>

"Dead."

Hotch breathed out a sigh of relief at the confirmation. _It's finally over. _

He cast a worried glance over at JJ, who lay in a still, unmoving heap on the floor. A small puddle of blood was beginning to form beneath the fallen agent, and from his viewpoint he could see the horrendous state she was in. _God, JJ. _

He averted his eyes and looked out into the night. _Still no sirens. DAMN IT—where are they? _

He glanced back down at the bloody scene. _Hold on, JJ…the ambulance is coming._

Emily was cradling the blonde agent's head in her lap, silently stroking her friend's hair, swallowing every few seconds to hold back soft sobs. Morgan was crouching beside the two women, clutching JJ's hand tightly in his own, whispering something—_a prayer? _Reid sat a few steps away from the group, visibly shaking and clearly struggling to hold himself together.

Hotch closed his eyes and breathed in deep. _If she __**dies**__, not one of us is ever going to leave this room. This hellhole will be etched into our souls so long as we all shall live._

Suddenly, a noise—in the distance. _Is it—?_

_Yes._

Sirens.

Far away but gradually drifting closer and closer.

_Please **hurry**._

* * *

><p>JJ shuddered and wept as she lay on the hard ground, no longer trying to hide her pain from her team—from her <em>family<em>.

It was getting harder for her to breathe… _So cold…_

She shivered involuntarily, whimpering when her body protested in response to her movements.

_Oh…_

_…_

She stared into Emily's eyes above her, not seeing.

"Jayje?" Emily froze when she saw the agent's empty gaze, felt her body go slack.

…

"JJ!"

Suddenly, JJ started seizing. Her back arched as some invisible force pulled her up by her chest. Spit dribbled down her chin as her eyes rolled back in her head.

Reid yelled out, something about keeping her still…

"We need to keep her from aggravating her injuries-but whatever you do, _don't _hold her down! It'll just make things worse."

_Hold on, hold on JJ! Please, stay with me!_

Emily placed her hand under her friend's head as she convulsed, trying to keep her safe as the team crowded around them, each doing his or her own part to stabilize the injured agent.

_...Please?_

And as soon as the convulsions had begun, they slowed, and JJ choked out a hollow scream as she regained consciousness.

The pain had returned—_how can it be worse than before?_

But she knew one thing, something to keep her from letting go completely: _my team…they're here for me…_

_Stay with them…_

_**I don't know how much longer I can hold on.**_

…

* * *

><p>Off in the distance, the ambulance sped down the dirt road, its lights flashing and its sirens wailing. The FBI team had sent out its coordinates…with an urgent message to hurry—<em><strong>agent down, she's fading fast.<strong>_

And she was.

Deep in the forest, in the dark cabin by the lake, she lay. She screamed, she sobbed, and she struggled, and the ambulance couldn't have been farther away.

All around her was chaos.

To save a life—_her _life.

But it was all too much.

Lost to the black waves of unconsciousness, falling deeper and deeper into an endless sleep, she drifted.

…


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Hey there, you awesome people! FYI: this chapter is dedicated to JJ's family (a.k.a. Will/Henry). I know some of you "hate" Will and prefer that JJ be a single woman, but I personally like the man she's currently with! And because she's actually with Will in the show, I think he and Henry need to be involved in this story. As for this chapter, I like it-I believe it's necessary to the dynamic of the story and portrays more of JJ's home life-so please read, review, and enjoy. :) And don't fret-I'm working on the next chapter, which will center back on JJ's dire situation. ^_^**

**P.S. Reviews are the cherry to my Garcia. (Blech, that ice cream flavor is disgusting...but my brother likes it for some reason...**** *shakes head*) ;P**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 13<p>

_"A simple child. That lightly draws its breath. And feels its life in every limb. What should it know of death?" ~__**Wordsworth**_

* * *

><p><strong>Earlier That Day (Before JJ's Rescue). At the Jareau-LaMontagne Household.<strong>

* * *

><p>"Henry, it's time for dinner!"<p>

The five-year-old boy shifted beneath the warm, soft comforter. _Don't wanna wake up... _

He grumbled and curled in a tight ball. _Not until Mommy comes home! _

A few seconds passed.

…

Henry yawned as sleep once again began to take its hold upon him. _So_ t_ired—_

"Henry, if you're not down here in two minutes, I'm coming upstairs to get you!"

_But Daddy..._

The boy responded by sinking even deeper into the confines of his bed, pulling the covers up and over his body.

* * *

><p><strong>2 Minutes Later.<strong>

* * *

><p>"Alright, Henry, that's it; I'm coming up!"<p>

Henry held his breath as his dad walked into the small room, the floor creaking in opposition to the newly-added weight.

As Will entered the room, he couldn't help but grin as he recognized the large dent in the covers, the small lump that was his son. _Aha... _

_Might as well just play along._

"Oh, no! Henry? Henry? Where are you?"

The lump giggled—_haha!_

Will stomped over to the dresser. "Are you in here?" He yanked open the top drawer. "No?"

A slight shake of the bed, the smallest movement of a tiny person shaking with mirth—_no, Daddy; I'm here!_

Will sighed and sat on the edge of his son's bed. "Oh, Henry. If only you were here...I could give you a _big_ hug and read you a _story_!"

The lump twitched—_a __**story**__?_

Will stretched out on the narrow bed, purposefully avoiding the space where his son resided. "Oh, well! Now I get this _huge_ bed all to myself!"

Henry couldn't take it anymore. He leapt out from his hiding place, giggling as his father feigned surprise. "Daddy, I'm right here!"

"What? Not the whole time?"

Henry nodded frantically. "Mmhmm! I was there the _whole_ time!"

Will laughed and hugged the small boy tight against his chest, brushing his lips to the top of his blonde head. "Well, you fooled _me_!"

Henry smiled widely and wrapped his arms around his father. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Henry."

Suddenly, the phone rang from downstairs, a shrill keening sound that vibrated throughout the house.

Will looked down at his son. _Must be JJ. _

He grinned. _About time! _

"I'll be right back, little man."

"Mmkay." Henry let go of his father and watched as the older man exited the room. Once the room was clear, he pulled out a book from beneath the covers—"Baby Star"—and flipped open the first page. He traced over the pictures with his little finger and whispered to himself the words he'd heard a hundred times before, "No matter where you go, no matter where you are, no matter how big you grow and even if you stray far, I love you forever, because you'll always be my baby star."

_**I miss you, Mommy.**_

...

* * *

><p>Will lifted the phone off its hook on the wall and pressed the device to his ear.<p>

"JJ?"

A slight cough from the other end, a hesitant pause.

"No, Will. This is Aaron Hotchner."

_Huh? Weird..._

"Um, hey, Hotch. What's up?"

And that's when he realized that the question he'd meant to ask was: _why is this you and not JJ?_

Silence from the other end…

"Will, we have a situation."

_A __**situation**__..?_

_..._

_..._

And then—

_NO._

The realization hit Will like a brutal slap to the face. He blinked, not registering the other man's words, only picking up bits and pieces of what the agent was actually saying.

"JJ—the unsub—taken—but we've found a location—almost there—you and Henry—come—meet us—hospital."

_JJ…_

…

"Will?"

He choked out the words: "Y—Yeah. We—we're leaving the house n—now."

_..._

_..._

"Will?"

"What?" He practically spat into the phone.

"We _will _bring her home safe."

_..._

_Really..? Because __**that**__ is the question, sir. Her life is all that matters._

…

_How could you let something like this happen in the first place?_

_**DAMN IT!**_

But he didn't answer the agent.

Instead, he smashed the phone into the wall, his fists clenching as he took in what Hotch had just told him.

_Aren't you FUCKING __**FBI AGENTS**__?_

_If you can't keep each other safe, then why are you even doing any of **this?**_

_**SON-OF-A-MOTHER-FUCKING-BITCH.**_

He gritted his teeth in an effort to contain his dark thoughts—_Henry shouldn't have to know..._

…

_JJ…_

"Daddy?"

Will glanced up and met the bright eyes of his son, who had just stepped into the kitchen.

Henry looked concerned, as if he could personally feel his father's pain, his mother's suffering.

"Daddy, I want Mommy to come home."

"Henry—"

"—where's Mommy?"

The child's lower lip trembled and his eyes watered with fresh tears, his expression not unlike his father's in that very moment.

He didn't know what was going on, what was wrong, what was happening to his mother. But he knew deep down inside that she wasn't okay. From the look on his Daddy's face. From the broken phone pieces that littered the linoleum floor.

_Mommy..? _

Will lifted his son into his arms and buried his bearded face into the boy's silky-soft hair.

"Shhh…it's going to be okay, little man."

_B—but where—_

"Mommy's going to be okay."

_..._

"Promise?"

Will squeezed his eyes shut. _Stay calm...he doesn't know; he doesn't know._

_**He shouldn't ever know.**_

"I promise."

And he regretted the words as soon as they tumbled from his mouth.

_God, how can I promise him something like that? What if she doesn't—__**no**__._

_She'll be okay—she __**has**__ to be okay._

_That's what I just told him—she's going to be __**fine**__._

_..._

_Right?_

* * *

><p>And Will stood there, holding his five-year-old son in the corner of the cramped kitchen, his mind flashing back on the woman he loved and the memories they shared.<p>

And miles away, that same woman, the person who had stolen his heart so many years ago, collapsed in the waiting arms of her team and fell into a dreamless sleep, falling deeper into the darkness and farther from the light that represented all that she called home.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

_"Family is a haven in a heartless world." __**~ Cristopher Lasch**_

* * *

><p>Flashes of scattered consciousness.<p>

Jumbled voices, a chaotic mix of screams and shouts.

Red-rimmed visions of blurry-faced medics and members of her team.

Blood and grime, filling the musty room with a putrid odor and covering her from head to toe in a violent mess of colors.

But most importantly, the **pain**.

That horrid sensation that filled her every limb, an endless barrage of pure anguish. Hands, touching her—_please…stop, it hurts…_

The sudden warmth as a blanket is gently placed on her cold and broken body.

And soft sounds that filtered through her crowded, damaged eardrums and into her temporal lobe, where her auditory cortex picked out bits and pieces from the disarray of rushed mumblings.

First, she heard Emily's horrified cries: "Please, help her; she needs help, _NOW_!" _C'mon, Jayje. You need to stay with us. Help is here, we __**will**__ save you! Please… You're my best friend and the heart of this team. If you—you just can't—__**I can't lose you.**_

Then, Spencer's urgent pleas: "Stay calm, JJ. I promise the pain will end. Please, Jennifer!" _All I want is to lift you up, hold you close, carry you through, and never let you go. JJ, please. Keep holding on. For me. For all of us…_

Derek's gentle begging: "JJ, stay with me. I know you're hurting and that it'd be easier to give in rather than endure. But please, keep breathing." _This isn't happening. This __**can't **__be happening. Please, just squeeze my hand. JJ…I need you to stay here, with us__**. Please. **__Just stay for a while longer._

Rossi's desperate shouts: "I don't give a damn about protocol—just save her! She needs to be okay." _**This **__**agent needs to be okay**__. Jennifer Jareau, communications liaison. Cherished member of the BAU team. Mother and friend. God, help her through this. Or we are going to fall apart completely._

And Hotch's fierce words: "Leave that _bastard_ alone! She is the only thing that matters. She is _my_ agent, we are _her_ team, and she is _dying_. And if you let her die—" _**You can't die.**__ JJ, you always tell me to be strong, to keep pushing through the pain that this job brings. Well, it's your time now. And you can't leave us here. With everything we do, the horrors we witness on a daily basis…you make it all better. Somehow. So, you can't go. Not yet, not now, __**not **__**ever**__. We need you to stay with us. __**Please.**_

And JJ knew.

She knew she had to fight.

She knew she _had_ to stay alive, because her team needed her to be okay.

They needed their heart back, well and whole, because without it, the unsub would win.

Without JJ, they'd all fall to pieces.

…

* * *

><p>In the dark dungeon, the medics moved, scattering throughout the room, entering and exiting in a frantic race against the clock. Each tick was another second lost in the desperate rush to save a life.<p>

To save _her_ life.

And JJ was struggling.

_It's getting harder and harder…to breathe…_

"Agent Jareau?"

The EMT knelt between the agents, who surrounded their friend in a protective circle. The blonde woman lay in the shadow of her team, shivering uncontrollably and covered in thick blood that matted her hair and stained the hands of the people who loved her. Her eyes were swollen shut and a fresh wound poured warm fluid down her exposed neck. Her clothes were ripped and torn, revealing burnt flesh and more liquid-life.

_Oh my __**god**__._

…

_No—God has __**nothing**__ to do with this._

The EMT tore his gaze away from the horrific sight.

"I need a C-collar, a backboard, and an IV bag, _STAT_!"

As he bellowed out orders, the injured agent moaned suddenly and a tremor shot through her spine, causing her fists to clench tight.

The EMT reached over her broken form and lifted one eyelid. Glazed-over blue and hollow black stared back at him, seeing everything and nothing at once.

_Shit._

"She's going into shock! _Damn it_, where are my supplies?!"

"Right here, sir!" An intern appeared at his left and placed a large board on the floor beside the agent. He cautioned the other members of her team to scatter—"What's coming next ain't gonna be so pretty."

The profilers adamantly refused but stood a few steps back to observe.

But they were prepared to offer any assistance necessary to ensure the welfare of their girl.

The two medics rushed to prepare Agent Jareau for the next step—she needed to be moved onto the board and transported safely into the ambulance that waited just outside the house. A C-collar was strapped around her neck in a strictly protective fashion, and an IV needle was inserted into her skin.

_It's time._

"Alright, let's do this."

* * *

><p>Reid held his breath as he watched the medics hover over JJ. <em>Don't put that there—okay, good—make sure you—got it—lift her <em>_**gently**__—her head!—careful not to—that's it. _

…

_Stay calm, JJ. Let them do what they've been trained to do best. _

_I'm here…I'm right here._

A sudden gasp, the slightest roll of her neck as the C-collar was put on. A frightened breath as she was transferred from the floor to the backboard. Her blonde hair splayed across her face, smearing blood and gore and sweat.

_**We're here for you.**_

Each member of the team stood by, anxious and ready for the moment when they would be needed to help the wounded agent.

When she would fall back into the realm of unconsciousness.

When she would give up.

…

* * *

><p>Reid's lip trembled and he blinked back salty tears as he remembered better times.<p>

*FLASH*

It was Reid's 24th birthday, and the team was celebrating in the BAU bullpen.

Back then, the "team" consisted of Derek Morgan, Jason Gideon, Elle Greenaway, Aaron Hotchner, Penelope Garcia, Spencer Reid, and Jennifer Jareau.

Everyone was cheering and celebrating the good time, but Spencer wasn't buying any of it. He couldn't escape without risking detection, so he soon found himself lurking in the corner, talking quietly with Gideon and attempting to keep a low profile.

"You havin' fun?" The experienced profiler took in the boy's tired eyes, how they darted to the exit every ten seconds, and the giant hat on his head, the hat JJ was forcing him to wear in honor of the momentous occasion.

"Yes." Reid sighed inwardly. _Not exactly. _"Definitely. I'm definitely having fun."

Gideon's lip twitched in a slight smile at the other man's sarcasm. "Make a wish?"

"Can I take this hat off?"

"I wouldn't."

Reid groaned.

Suddenly, a voice from the center of the bullpen—

"Hey, Spence! First piece for the birthday boy!"

Reid turned and stared into the mischievous, twinkling eyes of the new agent.

The most beautiful woman he'd ever met.

_JJ._

Ignoring the sudden burning in his slowly reddening cheeks, Reid looked back at Gideon.

"Do you know she's the only person in the whole world who calls me _Spence_?"

The older agent said nothing in response—he only watched as the two younger members of his team continued their silent exchange.

Reid grinned to himself before walking back to the center of the room, where his family gathered, their faces lit up with brilliant smiles and their mouths full of delicious cake. _His _cake.

And as he joined the others, he met JJ's eyes in a meaningful glance.

_Happy birthday, Spence._

…

* * *

><p>"Reid!"<p>

*FLASH*

Spencer Reid jumped as a voice shattered his vivid daydream.

_What?_

He glanced around the dank basement. The walls were dripping with red and the unsub lay sprawled in a corner, his neck a gory mess, the gaping slit in his throat leaking thick blood that stained the floor around his cold, dead body.

_You __**son-of-a-bitch**__. I hope you __**rot**__ in __**hell**__._

Another cursory glance—_wait._

Something was missing.

_Where's—_

A flood of memories filled with pain, hurt, love, comfort, hate, life, and death. Someone was here. Crying his name, speaking to him in a hollow voice, telling him that it's all going to be okay…

_JJ._

_Oh god…__**Jennifer**__._

He tried to forget. But he couldn't. _No more. Please…don't make me see her like that anymore._

He became aware of the tugging at his shirt sleeve, the callused hands around his arm, pulling him forward…

"Reid, we need to go. C'mon, they just took JJ up. I think they're about to load her into the ambulance."

He blinked back wet tears and followed Morgan blindly through the room, up the stairs—_just follow the blood_—and out of the nightmarish cabin to where the rest of the team stood in the dark, watching as the EMTs loaded JJ into the ambulance.

* * *

><p>Emily glanced over at Reid as he and Morgan stepped out of the house. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked like he'd been crying. Morgan was barely hanging onto his calm. He was gripping Reid's shoulder so tightly that his knuckles were pale-white and his eyes watered as flashes of anger and hopelessness threatened to tear him down completely.<p>

_I can relate._

A small whimper from her left spun her attention back to JJ. The blonde agent was currently being lifted up into the confines of the waiting ambulance. EMTs swarmed around her, monitoring her every move and scrambling to keep her stable as they stationed her inside the vehicle.

A cold hand touched Emily's forearm—she jumped, startled, as she looked up into the sullen face of her boss. _Hotch?_

"I want you to go with her. She needs—_someone_."

Emily nodded. _Good. I can be that someone. I can take care of her, Hotch._

Hotch moved his lips to form a smile, but his eyes kept their icy-coldness.

_He knows._

_We __**all**__ know._

There was a chance that JJ would die on the way to the hospital.

There was a chance that she would die in the emergency room.

There was a chance that she would never make it off the table.

But those were all chances Hotch had to be willing and able to take as team leader.

Because every second they spent here, deep in these godforsaken woods, was another second lost to save JJ.

_Tick._

_Tock._

_Tick._

_Tock._

Jayne Adams was _gone_.

The nightmare was over and the healing process could now begin.

Jayne Adams was _dead_…

And there was no way in hell that he would take Jennifer Jareau with him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Hey, guys! I can't believe I've published yet another chapter so soon after the last one! So, please read and REVIEW this chapter. It was so much fun to write this, especially since I was able to incorporate that one scene in 2x15 Revelations. :D I honestly think this chapter is one of my best, and on that note, I hope you let me know what you think of it.** **Don't be afraid of that review button. ****Although, I do agree that it's been staring at me lately...and drooling...either that, or I'm just crazy. Take your pick.**

**P.S. Thanks to everyone who's been following this story! You're all wonderful and I want to say beforehand how sorry I am to leave you hanging... *evil laugh***

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 15<p>

_"Without a family, man, alone in the world, trembles with the cold." ~__**André Maurois**_

* * *

><p>*FLASH*<p>

_Can't see…too dark. What is this place?_

Suddenly, a shuffle from the far corner of the dusty barn caught her attention.

_Reid?_

Another sound—soft steps, the slight padding of feet on dry ground—_someone's here_.

_Please, Reid. If that's you, and you're messing with me, it's not funny._

She scanned the room again, searching…

_Oh god._

Her gaze landed on a pile in the center of the room. A steaming, bloody mess of hair, bones, and skin. And the smell—_oh_ _my __**god**_. The rancid odor made her eyes water and her insides churn. _That poor woman. _

She was looking at the remains of his last victim, Helen Douglas. _That evil __**son-of-a-bitch**__._ What had he called her? An "adulterer?" And this is what she got for it…. This is what he thought she deserved.

She took a few steps back, trying to escape the horrific scene. _Gotta get out of here. Need to find Reid, and tell him. Tobias Hankel is definitely our unsub._

And that's when she heard it.

The feral growl that only a beast could make. _No._

She spun to her left, her gun pointed at the intruder.

And she saw it.

The _dog_.

Its lips were curled up, showing its glistening teeth, where thin strands of human meat still dangled, left over from its afternoon meal. A large glob of drool slipped down from its grinning maw, coating the hay below with copious amounts of fresh saliva.

_**No.**_

Another growl—_growls?_—to her right this time.

She turned slowly. The brilliant beam of her flashlight exposed two more dogs, their expressions similar to that of their partner.

_Hell to the fucking __**NO**__._

She backed up quickly, shaking with utter terror as the beasts lunged forward, easily covering the few steps she'd just taken.

She screamed as they jumped, their faces contorted with primeval rage, their eyes conveying total madness and lustful hunger for just a small taste of her succulent flesh.

_REID!_

She closed her eyes as she shot blindly into the dark, praying she'd hit the beasts before they reached her.

*BAM*

A ripping sound, a small tear of her shirt, the sharp pain that followed.

*BAM*

*BAM*

…

Silence.

_Did I—am I—_

JJ glanced up from her position on the cold ground. Three dead dogs lay around her in a circle, their once-crazed eyes now glassy and still. A single gunshot wound in each animal, blood pouring out of their bodies and staining the hay beneath—_I did it._

But there was absolutely no time for celebration.

She half-crawled, half-ran, to hide. Before Tobias found her out. Before he would send some more of those _demons_ to eat her alive. As she lay in the dark corner, her gun practically molded to her hand, her breathing hard and her eyes wide with fear, she became dimly aware of the blood flowing from a jagged bite mark in her arm. It stung, but it didn't look too bad. All she knew was that she was still alive.

_I'm still alive._

…

…

She didn't know how long she sat there like that. Just waiting for someone to enter the barn. For the unsub to come in and kill her.

She didn't know where Reid was; all she knew was that he wasn't with her—_why aren't you here with me? Why didn't you come when I screamed? Where are you, Spence?_

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying with all her might to make the nightmares go away. But every time she closed her eyes, the dogs would reappear. They'd snap their giant teeth and growl ferociously. And then, they'd jump at her, their faces contorted with a mad rage. They'd claw at her body, tear at her face, and eat her skin away.

_Someone…please help me._

…

…

The slight creak of the barn door sliding open. The careful footsteps of people that flooded the room with light and sound.

JJ opened her eyes... _He came for me._

She breathed in deep... _Well, JJ, it's now or never._

And she threw herself up off the ground, her gun pointed at the intruders, her hair whipping across her face at the movement, her body trembling as she struggled to remain calm.

"FBI! _Don't move_!"

A hollow voice that just barely grazed her conscious: "JJ?"

"Don't move!" She screamed again at the blurred man in front of her. _Don't you dare move!_

But the man moved again, holding his hands up in front of him.

"JJ, it's Morgan and Emily!"

JJ barely flinched in response to Morgan's words. He tried again, desperately attempting to break through to her.

"Don't shoot!"

She lowered the gun slightly. _Morgan..? Emily..?_

The voice spoke again. "It's okay."

JJ's vision began to clear and she finally recognized the features of the man she'd confused for Tobias Hankel. _Oh, god. _She dropped her weapon and stepped back quickly, guilt plain on her face.

Seeing that she was lucid, Morgan spoke again. "Are you hurt?" His eyes fell to her left arm, where her white sleeve was ripped, revealing a nasty gash that bled freely.

Emily had obviously noticed the same thing and reached for JJ's arm, holding it gently in her own hand as she evaluated the severity of the wound. _Thank god it's nothing worse._

The detective who had been flanking the two agents when they'd first run into the barn spoke up as he left the room. "I'm calling an ambulance."

Morgan nodded, his eyes still plastered to the shivering form of their Communications Liaison.

"Tobias Hankel is the unsub." JJ spit out the words, her voice bitter and breaking.

"Yeah, we know."

"Well, _we_ just thought he was a witness." She noted how his gaze dropped down to linger on the three dead dogs. "I had to kill them."

_**We. **_Morgan's heart clenched in his throat JJ's words registered in his mind. He looked around the barn. _Where the hell is Reid? _He turned his attention back to JJ, who stood in the corner, shaking and strangely fragile.

"JJ, where's Reid?"

She didn't hear him. She just kept talking. "They just completely tore her apart. There's nothing even left—"

Suddenly, Emily's steady voice at her ear. "JJ, look at me."

No response.

"_Look at me_." JJ's frantic eyes met her friend's, and Emily was startled to see the depth of her terror. Even though she was new to this team, Emily knew enough about the other woman to know that as an agent, JJ rarely showed her true feelings. She was usually calm and collected, a stable rock to lean on when the job became too much for any one person to bear. _Jayje…_

"JJ, where's Reid." The raven-haired agent over-enunciated each word, hoping JJ would understand through the shock-induced haze.

A flicker of recognition at her partner's name. "We split up. He said he was going around back."

_Shit! _Morgan sprinted out of the barn, leaving Emily alone with the terrified woman.

"JJ, come on. Let's get you checked out."

And JJ said nothing as she let Emily drag her from the barn. She only clutched the other agent's hand as she struggled to deal with her conflicting emotions. Pain at the dog's knife-like teeth piercing her pale skin. Fear as her life flashed before her eyes as the beasts attacked. Guilt at her close call with Morgan and Prentiss. _I almost __**shot**__ them…_

But the worst feeling was not knowing where Reid was. _Please be okay… _

She leaned into Emily's arms. _They came for __**me**__. _And w_e'll come for __**you**__, Spence. We'll save you, too._

…

…

And once they found him, crouching over the body of their unsub, she hugged him close and whispered in his ear, "I am so sorry." Because she was. _I never meant to leave you. It was my fault you got taken by that monster. It was my fault. All of it—my fault._

And he'd whispered right back, "It's okay; it wasn't your fault."

_Yes, it was._

…

…

As the years passed and the team moved on from that hell, she realized that she knew exactly what she had, what had saved them all during the Hankel case. She knew, without a doubt, that her team would always be there for her and each other. She knew that she had six people she could trust with her life. And she knew that if anything were ever to happen to her, those six agents would stop at nothing to find her and bring her back home. Because that's what families do. They love and cherish and hold close everything they call dear.

_In such a dark world, family is what keeps us together. Family means everything. Without that, we have nothing to hold onto, no one to carry us through and help us fight our battles. Without family and friends, we are empty and cold, lost in the world, so alone and slowly fading away, until nothing remains of us but a dim soul and a sullen bag of flesh and bones._

* * *

><p>*FLASH*<p>

JJ squinted as a bright light pierced her blue eyes. Everything hurt, but it was okay now. She was safe. The man who'd taken her was dead, and her family was here with her.

She shuddered as the EMTs pushed her stretcher down the steps of the cabin and towards the waiting ambulance. Each jarring movement irritated old and new wounds, and she cried out as one of her legs scraped against the other, reopening the cuts that lined that area of her body. The medics were trying so hard to keep her stable, but the uneven ground fought to make the slow journey from the house to the ambulance as painful as possible. The collar around her neck kept her from searching for her team, but she knew they were standing just a few feet away, watching her and making sure she made it out of this hellhole alive.

Suddenly, the light moved away as the medics left her side to move her into the ambulance. They lifted her up carefully, maintaining the even weight and adjusting to ensure that she wouldn't shift—_at least they know how to do __**this**__ right_.

As she was settled down inside the dark vehicle, she closed her eyes. She breathed in slowly, ignoring the pain in her lungs as fresh air spiraled down her raw throat. _I'm free. He's dead, and I made it. I'm still alive._

The doors of the ambulance banged shut and the engine sputtered to life with a quiet groan. _I'm going to the hospital. _And she remembered what Hotch had told her as they waited for the medics to arrive. He said that he'd called her house, and her fiancé and son were on their way and would meet them at the hospital. _I'm going to see Will and Henry. _She'd given him as warm a smile as she could in her condition and gripped his hand tightly in her own. He'd brushed his lips lightly against her forehead, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. _I'm going to go home._

JJ felt a tap on her stretcher, a quick apology at any pain that may have been caused by the sudden movement, and a warm hand on hers. _Who—_

"I'm here, Jayje."

_Emily. _JJ bared her teeth in what she hoped would pass for a grin.

It worked.

The other woman chuckled quietly and applied slight pressure to the fragile hand she held.

"JJ, Garcia…she wanted me to tell you something."

JJ blinked. "What d—did she—? "

"Relax, Jayje. I'll tell you. But you need to be still, now. Okay?"

JJ blinked again.

Emily recognized the motion and nodded. _Blinking means yes. Got it._

"She wanted me to tell you that she loves you more than anything in this cruel, cruel world. She said that if you heard this, but you didn't survive, she would spoil Henry to the extreme. He's the best godson she could have ever dreamed of having, and she would have told him every single day what an amazing, singular woman his mother was. He would grow up remembering you and loving you. He would _not _become a serial killer, and he would definitely go to Yale. She wanted me to promise you that no matter what happens, you are her _angelfish_, and the bastard who did this to you will pay dearly for his sins."

Emily's voice cracked, tears streaming down her face as she remembered the exact words she was saying coming out of the tech-analyst's mouth.

"We failed you. All of us. We knew the risks, we wanted to keep you safe, but we just couldn't. A—and nothing can _ever_ make that better. _Nothing ever will._"

A small sob escaped Emily's lips as she struggled to continue.

"So, I'm sorry. I am _so_ sorry you had to go through all of that. And I'm sorry we weren't able to find you before. All I know is that we _will_ find you now. We will find you _in time_. He _will_ _not _kill you. Do you understand? God, Jayje, you are my best friend and the most fantastic person in the entire world, with a hot fiancé and a rockin' son, and you will _not _die. They will not let you die. Not today. Not _ever_. So, if you do understand, and Emily is telling you these words right now, please…_come home_. But if you're still in that dark place and you think that it'd be easier to let go and give up, you're wrong! We are in that dark place with you; we are waving flashlights and calling your name. S—so you stay alive. Because we're coming! Your family is waiting. And we need another lifetime with you to show you how much we truly care."

Emily hung her head, shaking with tears that ran down her cheeks in a steady torrent. _We love you, JJ. Please know that. We couldn't go on without you here with us._

She glanced down at the blonde agent. JJ's face was streaked with blood and grime and sweat, but Emily was sure she could see tears. Fresh, clean tears washing away the filth. Droplets of water that swept away the pain and horror they had all felt down in that basement. Sacred tears that signified pure love, loss, and longing for a family of agents who stood for everything she knew and cherished in this dangerous and frightening world. A world where good was buried deep under a cover of darkness and children laughed and screamed this way and that. Where hope remained locked up tight in Pandora's Box after everything evil had escaped and enveloped humanity in a bloodthirsty trap.

_I knew you felt it, too… _Emily buried her face into JJ's side, careful not to aggravate the other woman's injuries. _You won't leave us because we won't leave you. And I can deal with whatever comes after that. All that matters is that you're safe. Everything next will only strengthen the love we already have. This team—you're family—will stop at nothing to bring you back home._

And JJ forced her weak hand off the hard stretcher, placing it on Emily's head in a comforting gesture. She knew exactly what the other agent was thinking.

And she agreed _completely_.

_Emily, Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, Spence, and Garcia; I owe you guys my life._

She looked up at the ceiling above her, painted red—_some of it's mine—_and closed her eyes. A serene calm washed over her as the bloody body she called her own relaxed.

Medics still hovered over the two agents, checking the IV bag, watching just in case something was to happen suddenly and violently. A gush of blood from her mouth, perhaps? A single beeping tone from the monitors as her organs began to shut down?

Whatever they were waiting for, JJ didn't care.

Because she was safe.

She was _loved_.

Warm, finished, _complete_.

Her family had rescued her from the very depths of hell.

Whatever happened, no matter what, she trusted that the team would never stop fighting for her life.

And that was good enough for her.

…

*BEEP*

*BEEP*

…

A single tone emitted from the monitor as the light dimmed around her, flashing lights and colors mixed in with the pale and red and blue. Her eyes fluttered and her mouth fell open as her breath came no more.

She fell into the waiting dark amid panicked cries and loud sobs.

_I'm going home..._


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: Hey, my favorite people in the whole world-yes, that means YOU! ;P Before you read, know that this chapter is short and sweet. You'll probably end up thinking, 'OMG, I wish she'd done more with this; I wish she'd made it longer, etc.' Well, I am currently writing the next chapter, which will incorporate more Henry/Will (yay!), and it will be long AND amazing. So, yes, this chapter isn't my best. BUT it is necessary to the storyline, has some Emily/JJ and Hotch/JJ/Morgan friendship, and has awesome quotes at the beginning AND end of it. ;) That said, please read, review, and enjoy. XOXO.**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 16<p>

"_Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? And what about my team? How many more times will they be able to look into the abyss? How many more times before they won't ever recover the pieces of themselves that this job takes? Like I said, sometimes there are no words or clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day." ~__**SSA Aaron Hotchner**_

* * *

><p>The monitor let out a distinct, long, hollow pitch that filled the ambulance.<p>

_**NO.**_

Emily watched in horror as her friend's eyes rolled back in her head and her entire body went slack.

"NO!"

The brunette screamed for someone—_anyone_.

_No, no, no, no, __**NO**__! JJ, __**please**__! Don't you dare do this! Don't you __**DARE**__._

And in that moment, everything went still. No voices around, no frantic movements of the medics, no sound at all. Just a single face that stood out in the room, unique, pure, and untouched by the blurred-out people who pushed and ran and worked so hard to save her friend's life..._again_.

* * *

><p>*FLASH*<p>

Emily walked aboard the BAU jet. After a grueling case, she was completely exhausted. Their unsub was dead, and it was finally time to go home. Rubbing her tired eyes with one hand, Emily stopped at the coffee machine. _I need __**something**__ to keep me going…_

As the coffee slowly dribbled from its filter, Emily glanced over to where the group was sitting. JJ was clutching a robe around her body. Her bloodied shirt was laid out neatly on the nearby table. Reid sat across from her, his brow furrowed as he noticed her shivering form. JJ absolutely _refused_ to speak with him about the recent incident.

"I'm fine, really, Spence."

"JJ—"

"I'm _okay_."

They'd all heard what had happened outside of that courthouse. The Senator had taken a bullet to the chest, and JJ, who'd been standing directly behind him at the time of the shooting, had been sprayed with his blood. She and Rossi had phoned in, frantically calling for back-up. But they'd been too late. The Senator was dead.

JJ appeared to be dealing with it, but Reid could see the shock in her wide eyes. They'd all seen it.

Because it'd been too close of a call. Her life had been at risk, and she knew it.

Emily finished making the second cup of coffee and carefully stepped across the aisle to sit down beside the blonde agent. She placed one cup in front of JJ, who shot her a grateful glance in response. Emily reached over and patted JJ's knee with her free hand. The two sat in thoughtful silence, both women contemplating past events and appreciating the little moments that were best spent with family.

* * *

><p>*FLASH*<p>

And just like that, the sound returned. The movements became real, and the sounds were now thunderous cries mixed into a single tone where one voice couldn't be picked from the group.

"Push two of—pass me that—don't put that there!—keep pressure—one more time—got it!"

…

"Agent Prentiss?"

…

"_Agent Prentiss_!"

_What?_

Emily jumped as she suddenly found herself face-to-face with an EMT. The man stared deep into her eyes as if to assess her condition as well as JJ's. Seemingly reassured by her now-coherent gaze, he spoke quickly.

"Agent Jareau crashed, but we were able to revive her. However, the state she's in appears to be deteriorating at a steady rate. She's having difficulty breathing, so we've inserted a special apparatus to keep her stable. The hospital is less than ten minutes away. She's unconscious for now, but I need you to continue to watch over her. It'll be better for all of us if she knows you're still with her. "

Emily stood still, shock written across her face as she absorbed his words. _Unconscious? Revived?_

She looked over at her friend to ensure that she was indeed still alive.

JJ lay on the long gurney, her eyes swollen shut, her arms hung limp at her side, her mouth forced open by a clear tube. _Difficulty breathing…_

Emily swallowed and closed her eyes as if doing so could somehow erase the images she'd just witnessed, the same pictures that would be burned into her visual cortex until the end of time.

_God, Jayje…_

She longed for simpler times, like before. When everything made sense. Not like this, this _show_ of sorts, where suspense hung as a tangible force in midair, just waiting for the wrong moment to drop upon its vulnerable prey.

One moment. That was all it took. For her life to be snatched away. For all of their lives to come crashing down in a solid, immovable heap.

_Jayne Adams, you **bastard**._

* * *

><p>…<p>

*RING*

*RING*

Still somewhat dazed, Emily reached down and unhooked her phone from its clip at her belt. She lifted the device up to her ear.

"Prentiss…"

"Emily?"

"Hotch."

"Is everything alright? I just thought I'd check in…"

"She's fine. They brought her back…"

…

"Brought her—_back_?"

Emily struggled to speak as the tears flooded her cheeks. _Yes, Hotch…we had to bring her __**back **__to us._

"It was touch-and-go for a few moments. She crashed, but the EMTs were able to revive her... We should be arriving at the hospital in about eight minutes."

...

"We'll be there."

In reply, Emily snapped the phone shut.

She just couldn't deal with this mess.

In the past, she'd simply compartmentalized. But this was different.

This was _JJ_.

Emily sat next to the wounded agent. Blinking back salty tears, she traced one pale thumb across the other woman's cheek and was shocked by the new contrast in their complexions. JJ's face was completely colorless and speckled with bloodied flakes, pieces of flesh torn off in various places. Bruises littered the exposed area, coloring her skin black, blue, purple, yellow, and green. A ghastly picture ripped from the pages of a horror novel, yet it was somehow so real that it had become the familiar look, something they'd all seen before and been prepared to see again. The paradigm vision of a victim.

…

They'd let JJ become the _victim_.

_We came too late, didn't we?_

_After everything…we still came too late._

* * *

><p>Hotch lowered his phone as he heard the gentle *CLICK* from the other end.<p>

Emily had hung up.

"Hotch?"

He glanced to his left, where Morgan sat in the driver's seat of the black SUV.

"Is everything okay?"

_He deserves to know the truth…_

"JJ crashed in the ambulance—"

Morgan's mouth dropped. "What?"

"—but she's _fine_. The EMTs were able to revive her. Emily said they're about eight minutes away from the hospital right now."

Morgan tore his gaze away from the road for a split second, his eyes meeting Hotch's own. Fear, pain, guilt, anger, confusion, and relief crossed the black agent's face in a simultaneous flash of emotion.

Hotch grimaced.

_He's thinking what we all are, what we've all been thinking since this whole thing started: **how much longer can she hold on?**_

Hotch reached over and gripped Morgan's shoulder tightly.

_As long as she knows she's still got something to live for._

…_and that's where __**we**__ come in._

_It's our job to keep her alive._

_**Our job.**_

_**We **__are what she has to live for._

_And we __**will**__ make sure she knows that, no matter what._

* * *

><p>"<em>We all have people in our lives. Some of them are good. Some of them are bad. But they shape us." ~<em>_**SSA Derek Morgan**_


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: Okay, readers/reviewers. Hopefully, this chapter will more than make up for the last one AND stand up to your expectations. Enjoy! :D  
><strong>

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 17<p>

_"Within the core of each of us is the child we once were. This child constitutes the foundation of what we have become, who we are, and what we will be." ~__**Neuroscientist Dr. R. Joseph**_

* * *

><p>Henry squirmed in the itchy seat, his short legs dangling in midair. On his lap was a pad of paper and markers. The little boy held a yellow marker clutched tight in one hand, his fingers colored with brown and green and black and blue.<p>

His father sat beside him, his arms crossed against his broad chest, a grimace etched deep into his features.

_We're coming, JJ._

Will looked over at his son. Henry, seeing his father's sudden movement, scrambled to cover up his work-in-progress.

"Daddy, no looking!"

Will chuckled at the expression on Henry's face, which was somewhere between adamant and pleading. _Alright, little man. Whatever you say..._

He turned away, but he kept his peripheral vision focused on the boy, who, now positive that his father wasn't "looking," had resumed his frantic scribbling.

Drawn out on the top sheet of paper was a small red house. To the left of the house stood a tall man, his face almost completely obscured by his jet-black beard. Holding this man's hand was a woman, her blonde hair long and luscious, sweeping past her shoulders and falling to her waist in thin, yellow strands. Between the couple stood a young boy, his face gleeful, his short blonde hair wild, and his hands gripping a tiny blue flower.

_This one's for you, Mommy. _

Suddenly, as Henry moved to color the inside of his flower, the plane shifted, pushing his arm to the right. _Oh no! _Now, there was an angry yellow mark in the sky. _I messed it up… _He stared at the ruined artwork, his expression contemplative as he tried to see what he could make of the new yellow splotch.

Suddenly, he knew what that mark could be, what it _should _be.

_A sun! My picture needs a sun! _

And the angry yellow mark became a brilliant, hot sun with yellow rays of light that stood out against the thick blue and white contrast of clouds and sky.

Now fully satisfied with the finished picture, Henry set his marker down. _Done!_

He picked up the drawing and turned to face his father.

"Daddy, I'm finished! Look!"

Will took one glance at the picture his son had drawn. _Oh, Henry…_

Wet-hot tears filled his eyes, and he struggled to keep himself together. _It's so beautiful… _

His voice caught in his throat as he spoke.

"I—I love it."

"Really?" The boy's face broke out into a wide grin.

"Yes, Henry. That right there might be the best drawing I have _ever _seen."

Will reached down and hugged his son, who giggled and squirmed in his father's fierce grip that was so full of affection, yet seemingly desperate, as if not holding on meant forever letting go.

_I love you so much, little man. And Mommy does too. __**Please**__, just remember that, Henry. No matter what happens, we will __**never**__ stop loving you._

Henry reached over and placed the colored paper on his father's lap. _Keep it 'til Mommy comes home._

As he burrowed into Will's warm embrace, a sudden calmness washed over him. _Mommy…_

In his mind, he saw the drawing, but this time, it was real. He, his dad, and his mom were all together again, standing outside of their house, laughing and smiling and playing as they once did.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"When's Mommy coming home?"

No answer from his father, just a slight tightening of strong arms around his small body.

"Soon, little man."

_Soon? _Henry frowned. _How soon is __**soon**__? _

He closed his eyes. _Hopefully, soon means tonight, 'cause I don't wanna wait any longer… _

_**I miss you so much, Mommy…**_

Will kissed the top of his son's head.

Only now, when he was sure Henry couldn't see his face, did he let the tears fall.

_Oh, god…_

He looked out of the plane's side window. Down, down, down. He could see mountains, hills, and valleys, lining the earth with green. He could see lakes, rivers, and streams, crossing through the green with blue. And he could see clouds, shrouding the green and blue with a thick coat of white.

_If I can see all of __**this**__, why can't I see __**you**__, JJ? Why aren't you here with me, with __**us**__? Why can't you hear me calling your name..? God, woman. I would trade everything I see down there for just __**one**__ more moment with you… I would move heaven and earth just to see you again… Don't you get that? All I want is a life with you and Henry… Please… Henry doesn't know the details, but he knows you're not here with us right now. He knows you're gone and that I don't know where you are. And he's scared you're not okay. We both are… But, darlin', he wants you back. We __**both**__ want you back. Hotchner said they've found you. He said you're safe. He said to meet at the hospital. But, JJ? What will we find when we get there? Will we find you? Or a hollowed-out, broken-down shell that used to be you… _

As Will watched the scene below, a large, ominous storm cloud covered the earth with black, hiding the bright colors in a shadowy haze of nothingness.

_Whatever I find, no matter what happens in the end, just know that I'll be with you through it all. _

_Henry and I will do __**whatever it takes**__ to save you. Whatever it takes to get you back…_

…

_We want you home. _

_**We want you to come back home…**_

* * *

><p><strong>20 Minutes Earlier. Location: Unknown.<strong>

* * *

><p>JJ opened her eyes, lifting her hand to shield her face as a ray of white light shattered the suffocating darkness. Her eyesight gradually becoming clearer, she glanced between her fingers. Her jaw dropped, her lips forming a silent 'o' as she took in the scene before her.<p>

_W—Where am I..?_

She was standing in a green meadow, with flaky earth littered with flowers of all colors and types. She stepped carefully, placing one bare foot forward. The ground was soft and warm, and her feet were soon coated with brown dirt. The sun was motionless in the cerulean sky, and powder-like clouds floated by aimlessly.

_Is this—?_

—_No._

_No, it can't be._

_I can't be dea—_

*BEEP*

_Huh?_

She paused, the dew-covered grass bending and shifting around her still form.

Hearing nothing more, she continued on. But as she walked, the sun seemed to grow, its rays becoming brighter and _brighter_…

*BEEP*

_Where is that coming from?_

*BEEP*

_Hello?_

…

…

_Anyone—?_

—*BEEP!*

JJ cried out in shock as a sudden jolt pulled her chest up, sending her sprawling to the now-cold, now-hard ground.

_**What's happening?**_

She screamed as another electrical impulse surged through her body, her teeth clenching as her mind recognized and remembered pain.

*BEEP*

Voices, now. Urgent shouts and murmurs, calling her name, bringing her back.

_NO!_

Tears streamed down her face as she clawed at the earth, pleading with the forces to leave her alone.

_No, please! You can't just take me away! __**Please**__!_

Her nails became black with dirt, and then red with blood.

_I didn't do anything wrong! Please, don't make me go back! I feel safe here; what did I do wrong?_

But her pleas were to no avail. Her fingers slipped, her body was lifted by some invisible force, and—

*BAM*

…

…

_No…_

"She's back."

The voices belonged to medical staff. The quiet murmurs came from Emily.

_...No…_

"We've got her back."

* * *

><p><strong>Actual Time. At the Hospital.<strong>

* * *

><p>The sliding-glass doors slid open with a *WHOOSH*, and suddenly, the ER became a vacuum of sounds. Shouts from the EMTs as they rolled the victim in on a bright red gurney. Responses from the doctors who crowded around the new entry, observing her current condition, the pallor of her face, her arms, her stomach, her legs, the stringy mess of hair, the blood that seemed to cover every inch of her broken body.<p>

But silence from Emily, who stood in the middle of the chaos.

She couldn't speak. She couldn't _breathe_.

Because that victim…that was _JJ_.

And she was fading away.

_Help her, someone…__**please**__._

A slight spasm, a twitch of her arm, the ever-so-slight fluttering of her eyes…

"Page Doctor Hunt, and book O.R.-1 STAT!"

Movements, a spastic nod…

The act was done, and the doctors were transporting JJ to the ER.

And it was all happening too quickly—_no time to say goodbye._

"Wait! I need to see her; please! One more time—she's my best friend—a special agent—"

"—_I can't just let her go_!"

Light pressure on her arm, hands pulling her back, a gentle whisper in her ear, fingers on her cheeks, holding her closer, making her _see_.

"Emily…"

_Hotch?_

"Let them do what they do best. There's nothing we can do for her now…nothing we haven't done already…"

_No…I have to do __**something**__. I need to make sure she's okay…_

"But—"

"Emily."

_Rossi._

"He's right; we've done all we can do. It's up to her, now. And them."

The two agents watched as Emily's eyes slowly re-focused, her breathing became steady, and her pupils contracted.

As the shock of the recent trauma hit, she recoiled in Hotch's grip, only to fall limp in his arms a few moments later.

She sighed, her face torn with pain, fear, doubt, and guilt. "I should be there for her…when I wasn't there before…"

"Emily, you _were_ there for her. How do you think she was able to survive for so long? She was tortured for _hours_ on end, and she never gave up. Why? Because she knew her team was coming for her. She knew her family would stop at _nothing_ to save her." Hotch tucked a stray piece of brunette hair behind her ear. "Emily, _trust me_ when I tell you that you are _not_ the only person in this room that feels responsible for JJ's predicament."

Emily met his eyes with her own, her bottom lip trembling, and her eyes wide with fresh tears.

"_**Hotch**__…_ I—I _know_, but I _can't make it __**stop**_. I can't stop feeling this—this guilt, this hurt, this _pain_. This _damn_ _pain_ that won't let me be! I _know_ I'm not to blame. I _know_ I couldn't have done anything more to help her… But I still feel like—"

"_Emily_." Rossi cut in, his voice gentle.

"We _know_."

And the three agents stood together in the middle of the hallway. Hotch kept his grip on Emily, who laid her head upon his shoulder, sniffing back tears as if she could force herself to compartmentalize. As if she could return to her former self: the hard-ass Agent Prentiss who could take anything from anyone, no problem.

But the truth was she _couldn't_.

There was absolutely _no_ _way_ to turn her emotions off. And she didn't want to, anyway.

_I just need to know that I can be __**human**__…_

Rossi stood to her right, offering his hand for her to hold onto.

"Morgan and Reid are in the waiting room. Come on, we all need to be prepared to tell Will and Henry what's happened…they're on their way now."

Only silence from the female agent.

"Emily, it's okay to feel _something_."

At the sound of her name, Emily looked up at her colleagues.

And suddenly, it hit her.

She understood _everything_.

_I know why you held on, Jayje. And now I'm sure that if it had been me, I would've held onto that too. Those memories we have as a __**team**__, as a __**family**__. He kept you captive, he beat you, he strangled you, he made you __**scream**__, and I know how you managed to stay alive through it all. Hotch, Will, Henry, Morgan, Rossi, Reid, Garcia…and me. __**You never let us go.**_

She smiled as the revelation dawned upon her.

And she made a promise to herself, to her team, and to JJ.

_We will __**never**__ let you go. Do you hear me? __**I will never let you go.**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: My dear readers, I must apologize for the lateness of this chapter. My senior year is one hectic mess, but I've found time today to write. (Yay!) So please, sit down, read this, and review to your hearts' desire. Because I almost have 100 reviews, and I love hearing what you have to say. :) Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 18<p>

_"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are." ~__**Arthur Golden**_

* * *

><p>The room was <em>so<em> clean. White clean. _Too_ clean. A white room with white chairs and white walls. Sterile and spotless. No pain, no blood, no screams to reveal the truth. Inside this white room, the waiting was all that mattered. Nothing else.

Beyond the great white doors, _was_ the truth. No waiting. But everything there was all too real. Blood, pain, and screaming. Shouts, cries, and tears.

And beyond _that_ room was where it got better. Or worse. No screams. Blood, yes. But no more screams. No more pain. This room was God. Here, the victims were sedated, and doctors worked with god-like power to save their lives. To give life and take it away. To keep a heart beating. To save a _life_.

This room was _God_.

And JJ was in God's hands now. _Some_ god, at least. _Somewhere_. Whatever belief—even _no_ belief—JJ was in those hands. And her team knew it. They had no power here. Out there, in the world, in the dark cabin in the woods, they had power. Power to kill, to protect, to serve, to save. But here, they could do nothing. Nothing to help. **Nothing at all.**

All they could do was sit and wait. And pray to that _something_ out there to give JJ the power to live. To keep her heart beating. Because she _had_ to survive.

There were no other options. And this room she was in...

**This room was GOD.**

* * *

><p>Morgan paced up and down the hallway, his fists clenched, his brow furrowed, his eyes dark with fury. He and Reid were waiting, waiting, <em>waiting<em>. Emily, Hotch, and Rossi were still nowhere to be found. Garcia was on her way, and Will and Henry had yet to arrive at the hospital. It was a waiting game. For everyone and everything. It had been twenty minutes since they'd brought her inside. Bloodied and bruised and broken. And still, no news. No one seemed to know about the FBI agent who'd been tortured and saved. No one seemed to care.

_**I**__ care. __**We**__ care. Damn it, JJ! I need to help you, but I can't, and I __**need**__ to…but I __**can't**__, and I just—_

He slammed his hand against the wall, struggling to control himself and his emotions.

_I don't know what to do anymore. How to act, what to say. The __**hell**__ with this __**shit**__. I did NOT just go through all of that __**fucking **__**hell**__ to bring you back in pieces. You WILL live. __There is no other way out._

* * *

><p>Reid watched as Morgan punched the far wall, his face contorted with a helpless rage. The black agent turned away to face his friend, who stared at him, careful not to invoke the anger he'd just witnessed. They were all hurt. Consumed by fear, worry, and hatred. With the knowledge that they were all powerless to help her.<p>

_JJ… _

Sure, they'd all done everything they could to save her. But this was it. It wasn't in their hands anymore. Her fate would be made in this hospital, in that dark operating room. By doctors and nurses. By something bigger than that.

_God, someone, whoever. __**Please**__. I need her to be okay. She __**needs**__ to be okay. And I don't believe…not completely. Sometimes, maybe. But today, I know I do. Today, I need you to watch over her and let her live. Because she doesn't deserve this hell. I don't want the last thing she sees to be that bastard's face over her. Smiling and telling her that he won—in the end of it all. __**No**__. I need you to bring her back to us. To her team. To her son and her fiancé. To the people she loves the most, and to those who care so much for her that we'd sacrifice everything we have just to find her and bring her back home. _

_We found her in time. _

_Please…tell me it's true. _

_We found her in time…_

_Didn't we?_

Reid closed his eyes. A hand touched his own, and he grabbed on for dear life.

For _her _life.

* * *

><p>"Nurse, have there been any updates on an 'Agent Jennifer Jareau'?"<p>

The woman behind the counter looked up to meet dark eyes. Black eyes where deep in their recesses swirled death and pain. Evil things seen and done. She was momentarily taken aback, but she quickly recovered her composure.

"I'm sorry, sir. And you are?"

A flash of something—anger? No. More pain. But not directed toward her. Not for _her_.

"Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner with the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit."

_Oh…_

"Now tell me what you have on my agent."

"Sir, I can't do that. I have strict orders from my supervisor that a patient's records are to be kept sealed unless requested by his or her doctor."

She flinched as the man leaned forward, his eyes narrowing.

"Ma'am, I don't want to have to do this, but if you don't get me those records as soon as possible, I will personally give my tech-analyst permission to hack your network, re-route your mainframe, and send your _supervisor_ a message that will not only get you fired from your job, but it will also bury you so deep that you won't be able to find another job so long as you shall live. Do you understand me?"

She was visibly shaking now.

"S—sir, yes, sir."

Her fingers flew across the keyboard as she hurried to oblige to the agent's orders.

"Agent Jareau is currently in O.R. - 1 undergoing multiple surgeries to repair damage to—"

Her eyes widened as she read the file.

"—what seems to be her entire body, including electrical burns, lacerations, and crushed ribs. Doctor Hunt is working on her right now…and so far, there have been no updates."

"Ma'am—"

"—but she _is_ stable."

Hotch let go of the breath he hadn't even known he was holding. He grabbed the nurse's trembling hand.

"_Thank you_."

Then, without saying another word to the women behind the counter, he walked back to where his team sat. Where they waited in white chairs, leaned back against white walls, where white-framed pictures hung.

The nurse watched warily as the other agents listened to the man's words and sank back into their initial positions. Waiting for more than what she gave them. Waiting and hoping that Jennifer Jareau was, in fact, stable. That she wouldn't die on that O.R. table. That at any minute, Doctor Hunt would come in and tell them that she'd made it, and they could go to her.

She'd seen it all before.

_Please, God. Help that girl._

She recalled the look in Agent Hotchner's eyes. The emptiness she'd seen there. The fury she'd recoiled from, and the pain she'd never forget.

_Help them __**all**__._

* * *

><p><strong>1 Hour Later.<strong>

"Daddy? Why are we in the hospital? Where's Mommy?"

Will picked up his son, holding him close. He stared deep into Henry's teary eyes, which were wide with confusion and fear for his mother.

"Daddy?"

"Shhh…it's okay, little man. Mommy's fine. She's here in this hospital, okay?"

More confusion. _Mommy's in the __**hospital**__?_

"I—Is she okay?"

No answer. Just a squeeze from his father, a light peck on the forehead. _That's not an answer!_

"Daddy?"

Will closed his eyes, struggling to calm his breathing. _He can't know…_

He looked back down at his son.

"We're going to find out, little man. That's why we're here. Okay?"

_Okay..?_

A few more silent steps, then a quick turn around the corner into a white room. A nurse at the counter, the team sitting across from her.

_The team._

Henry saw them first. He squirmed in his father's grip, eager to reach his extended family. The people his mother worked with. The people he knew and trusted and loved.

The commotion from the father and son caught the attention of the nurse.

"Oh! Can I help you?"

And her voice alerted the team to their presence. Emily, Dave, Aaron, Derek, and Spencer stood to greet the new arrivals.

Will, with Henry still held tight in his arms, walked over to meet the team.

A heavy silence filled the room. Unsaid questions, accusations, and answers. All of which were responsible for the pain they all felt.

Only one question needed to be asked and known: "Where is she?"

"Surgery."

Hotch met the other man's eyes, knowing all too well what he would find there. Anger, of course. Directed towards him. Because _he _was supposed to keep her safe. And he had failed to carry out that single duty. And Will blamed him for that. _As he should… _

One glance, and Hotch's thoughts were confirmed as Will grimaced and turned away from the Unit Chief. The distraught man spit out the next words, barely containing the fury he felt inside.

"And is she—"

"—she's fine. For now."

Rossi cut in, not liking the resentment he saw in Will's eyes as he and Hotch faced off.

Will nodded. He set Henry down, and the young boy ran to burrow himself in Emily's arms, seeking her warmth.

"Hey, Henry!" Emily smiled at her best friend's son as he looked up at her.

"Where's my Mommy?"

The smile vanished from her face as she found herself blinking back a sudden onslaught of tears.

"H—Henry, your Mommy is with some doctors right now. She got into an accident, but she's being fixed, okay? You can't see her quite yet, but _soon_."

She watched as Henry's bottom lip trembled. "B—but I want to see her _now_."

"I know, Henry. But right now, all we can do is wait."

She hugged the boy closer, clutching him against her chest in an effort to erase the fear she felt for his mother. _Oh, Jayje…you can't die. You just—you __**can't**__! You can't leave Henry alone in this world. He needs you—__**he needs his **__**mother**__. I know it's hard to hold on, and I know you think it'd be easier to let go, but you __**can't**__ do that. Please, JJ. I'm asking you… As your friend. For Henry, for Will, for all of us. Come back and see your son._

* * *

><p>Morgan watched the exchange between his partner and his friend's son. The little boy was crying for his mother. And Emily was crying for her best friend.<p>

_How did it go so wrong, so soon?_

A few days earlier, they'd all been sitting around the BAU table in the conference room in Quantico, Virginia, discussing a case. Going over the horrific details of unsolved homicides. Building up the sick profile of a serial killer. Repulsed by the work, yet content with their own lives and the safety they felt in that singular moment. Allowing themselves to empathize with those dead women, but never getting too close. Because it wasn't happening to them. It happened in the news, where the word "Homicide" was stretched thin across a small piece of paper. Where murder was everyday and everywhere. The news that people who weren't familiar with the place or person involved just didn't care about. 'Oh, it's a serial killer,' they'd say. And then, they'd flip the paper over in search of the comic strips. Because why bother focusing on the pain in the world when it's not happening directly to you? Why even bother feeling that when it doesn't exist for you? When it's out of sight and, thus, out of mind.

_How did this happen?_

_How did this happen to us?_

_Our job is to find evil, to seek it out. Our job is to save the victims and capture killers. It isn't this. This incessant waiting. Waiting for an answer. Waiting to see if she's dead or alive. No. This isn't our job. This is hell in __**itself**__. Knowing what she's been through and what we didn't do to stop it? I get that. But not knowing if she'll come out of this alive…and knowing that her death will tear us apart..? __**This is hell.**_

_And this is __**not**__ what we do._

* * *

><p><strong>Two Hours Later.<strong>

Garcia slammed the car door shut. She paused suddenly, and looked up at the building in front of her.

_JJ's in there. She's in there right now… _

She swallowed, her palms sweaty, her hands trembling at her side. _I'm coming, girl._

And she marched into the confines of the hospital, making her way to the rest of her team. To where she would join the waiting game. For three hours, they'd sat in that white room, hearing nothing from the doctors who held her best friend's life in their hands. For three hours, they comforted each other, yet Garcia knew they each blamed themselves for what had happened to JJ. She knew that, because she could relate. She blamed herself, and she hadn't even been with them. _But I should have been. Oh, Jayje, I should've been there to keep that sick bastard from taking you away. God, I should have seen it coming. Should've helped. Should've done something—anything—to stop it…_

The tears ran down her cheeks in a rushing torrent.

_There's so much I should've done…_

She didn't even realize it when she finally reached the waiting room. She felt something warm wrap her up. Strong arms around her, holding on as she wept for the woman she had known and loved so dearly for the past years. The woman who'd been there with her through everything. The woman who'd shot and killed the man who'd threatened her life, who'd put his bullet in her stomach. The woman who would do anything to keep her team safe. Who would do absolutely _anything_ to protect her family.

_We're right here with you, Jayje. And we're not going anywhere. You come back to us. Do you hear me? You come back, so we can tell you everything we're thinking. That we love you. That we didn't mean to let you go. That this world is better and brighter with you in it._

The arms tightening, hugging her closer, keeping her from falling too far apart.

_Derek..?_

"Shhh, baby girl. It's going to be alright. Just breathe."

_Don't let me go…_

_Don't let us go._

_JJ?_

_**Don't let us go.**_

* * *

><p><em>"There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy." ~<em>_**Dante**_


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: Hey, guys! So I FINALLY finished high school. *dance of joy* Yup, and now, I FINALLY have time to write. I must apologize for the long breaks that I've had between chapters. School has been a hectic nightmare, but now, since it's over for the summer, I'll be updating more frequently. And that, my dear friends, is cause for celebration! ;D **

**Anywho, so about this chapter: this is a predecessor-hence the "TBC" at the end of it-so yes, this will become more epic with its "Part 2," so to say. But ENJOY, because I think you'll like this "Part 1." And yes, I'm sorry I like cliffhanger-y things. But if it's any consolation, I hate reading them...but writing them is so much fun. ;P**

**~Selfless-Touched-Storyteller  
><strong>

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><p>CHAPTER 19<p>

"_Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all." ~__**Emily Dickinson**_

* * *

><p>Time passed in a painful, monotonous manner, slowly ticking away as JJ's life ebbed from her body, even as doctors worked and worked and worked to stabilize her—in the room that was God.<p>

In this room, blood splattered the floor with violent red and shouts filled the air, screaming at others and themselves to save her life.

"I need more blood!"

"Sir, she's losing it faster than we can give it to her!"

"Nurse, page Doctor Altman!"

"Scalpel!"

"She's coding, Doctor!"

"Clear!"

"Shit, she's going into cardiac arrest; Nurse, give me a shot of Epinephrine, NOW!"

And the blood continued to flow, covering surgical staff and doctors alike with the thick fluid, a seemingly never-ending supply of life-blood.

And in the white room, where her team sat waiting for _some_ news, seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into what seemed like _days_…

* * *

><p>Spencer Reid hadn't moved more than a few inches in the last hour. The younger agent was stoic, his face concentrated on a distant point on the far wall, his teeth forever clenched on his bottom lip. No thoughts, no words were needed to know what he felt—<em>how<em> he felt. It was a battle in his mind, an endless struggle with the unknown. A simple prayer wasn't enough, and over and over, he would plead and fight and scream for her life. For her strength and her heart. For everything she was to remain intact and good in the presence of this bitter evil that threatened to tear each and every one of them apart.

Morgan stood in the corner of the room, his head and hands pressed to the white walls, his body shaking with conflicted emotions that only seemed to build. Although his face was hidden from the rest of the team, they all knew from past experience that Morgan's eyes were shut tight, his face contorted with pain, anger, grief, and a fleeting hope that some good may still come of this…_situation._

Emily sat against the same wall, her mouth drawn into a fixed grimace, her eyes glazed over with memories once made, words once said, and times that would never be the same again. Leaning against her body, his head burrowed under her right arm, his little hand clutching her own with a vice-like grip, was Henry. Her best friend's child hadn't left her side since he'd been carried into the room by his father. As she watched the boy sleep, she'd felt a sudden urge to protect him, no matter what the cost. Because that's what JJ would have done. That's what JJ would be doing right now, in these same circumstances. And that's what she—Emily Prentiss—would have to do.

_For JJ…and for Henry._

Will sat on the other side of his son, his hands trembling as he rocked himself back and forth, back and forth. _She has to be okay, she has to be okay, she has to be okay, she needs to be okay. God, she NEEDS TO BE OKAY. _He couldn't see, couldn't feel, couldn't hear, couldn't feel—anything but her. And what it would be like if she wasn't—

—_she has to be okay, she has to be okay, she has to be okay, she has to be—_

Garcia sat across from Reid, her head in her hands. She'd lost the will to cry long ago, and, through her red-rimmed eyes, she could only see thin shadows, outlines of her family—minus one member. JJ was _still _in surgery…

_No. I won't give you up—I won't give up. There's still hope, Jayje. __**There is still hope.**_

A smoldering hope that JJ was alive, that she would still be alive after all of this…

Hotch and Rossi sat on either side of her, their arms crossed, their expressions similar, although Hotch's face was more angry, his eyes reflecting unshed tears in the deep recesses of their burning centers. Rossi's face was calmer; he was as livid as Hotch, but instead of a buried, heated anger, he was consumed by a saddened, lonely hatred.

_If she doesn't get through this..—_

—_she __**has**__ to get through this!_

…_but if she doesn't get through this…_

And silence flooded the white room, spreading fear and doubt and anger. Threatening to overwhelm hope with all its might.

And—*BANG!*

Suddenly, the doors to the white room, the same doors that led to the room that was God, flew open.

A man in white and blue and red—_so much __**red**_—walked through the doors, his expression unreadable.

"Family of Jennifer Jareau?"

Seven people jumped to their feet, swaying slightly out of exhaustion. As she joined the rest, Emily was careful not to wake Henry.

"Yes?" A chorus of seven met the doctor's ears, and he responded in turn.

"My name is Doctor Hunt. I personally performed the procedures on Ms. Jareau. Before you know the results of the surgery, you should take in account that your friend received both major and minor injuries during and after her ordeal. But we _were_ able to repair most of her injuries—lacerations that covered her entire body from head to toe, broken limbs, fractured ribs, a punctured lung, layered and assorted burns...—but Ms. Jareau lost a substantial amount of blood before and during the surgery. Her body was unable to sustain the enormity of her wounds, and she—"

"—oh God, no—" Garcia choked out as she collapsed against Morgan's side.

"—fell into a comatose state. Currently, she's not breathing on her own, but since we've repaired any and all internal damage, I am confident that she will wake up sometime over the next twenty-four hours. Her body is struggling to heal itself, and that said, we've done everything we can to help her. It's all up to her now."

Silence.

"So she's going to be okay?" Hotch couldn't dare to believe this good news, that JJ was alive, that she would _stay_ alive.

"Yes, Agent. She's going to be just fine."

…

A mass sigh of relief.

Tears that fell, mouths that formed unsaid words and sounds, and for a single moment, a world that was at peace.

And then, a small voice from behind them.

"Can I see Mommy?"

"Little man!" Will picked up his son and hugged him tight against his chest. _You've done it, JJ. You're still alive. So keep holding on. 'Cause we're coming to you._

"Can you see Mommy?" He glanced at the doctor, who nodded his head in response.

And every person in the white room let out a breath as the realization that this woman—Agent Jennifer Jareau with the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit—would live to see her son grow up. She'd live to grow old with her soon-to-be husband. And she'd live to be with her team once again, but this time, they would never let her go. She'd be safe in the world.

In that second, Hotch wished Jack was with him. _Is this how I would have felt if your mom had survived? _

_**YES.**_

_Haley would've been so proud of you, Jack. She would've loved and laughed and lived with us. If she was here right now to see this. But she isn't, and JJ is. _

_And that's okay. _

A single tear drifted down his cheek, leaving a trace of wet as it moved on.

_That's okay…_

And he heard Will's voice: "Yeah, little man…let's go see your Mommy."

And it was okay.

_It's okay…_

* * *

><p>The doctor led them into a wide hallway—the path to the recovery rooms, they presumed. As they walked, they tried to picture JJ as she was and as she had been before the kidnapping…before the <em>torture<em>. But they knew that it wouldn't make it better. It wouldn't make seeing her…_broken_…any more bearable. If anything, to remember made it worse. But it was still best. To remember her whole and undamaged. To hope that someday she would resume that form, in heart, body, and mind. Because hope was all they had to hold onto.

In this situation, hope was _everything_.

As they neared the recovery ward, the doctor stopped, the team almost running into him in their haste to get to JJ.

"Agents, before you see her, I need to warn you that she's going to be extremely weak, her state fragile, and—"

"—Doctor Hunt, no offense, but we really don't _care_." Spencer interjected, his voice calm, his taut lips and widened eyes the only visible sign of his irritation. "It's completely reasonable for us to assume that our friend and fellow _FBI_ _agent_ is not in her best condition, and we are fully aware of any and all emotional stress that seeing her will cause us. So if we can please carry on!"

The doctor paused for a moment, and then he nodded. "Of course." He motioned to the doorway at the end of the hall. "Follow me."

* * *

><p>Doctor Hunt left the team standing alone in front of a single room. Inside, they could see the outline of a bed, but curtains obscured whomever lay there. Of course, they knew it was JJ. But illusion still held; JJ wasn't yet a still, pale form in a hospital bed. Right now, as they stood in front of the dreaded room, their hands clutched tight together in an effort to stop the shaking of fear and pain deep inside, she was a strong, capable, whole and beautiful agent, friend, and mother. And she always would be just that, they agreed.<p>

Emily stared off into the room, her eyes never leaving the bed, but she found that she couldn't move. _This is it. Jayje, we've made it this far. Even through everything that's happened, I need you to keep fighting. Please…for us, for your family, for your son. You need to wake up._

Garcia held Morgan close, and he did the same. _We love you, girl. Nobody's going to get you now; you're finally safe. So we're going to need you to fight. Just a little bit more…until you're ready to come back to us._

Reid hugged himself in an attempt to stop the silent spasms that wracked his body. _You're here, JJ. And you're still alive. You are still alive. Jayje, please…don't give up. Not after we've come this far. JJ, I love you. Not like that. As family, yes. You are my best friend and my sister and my godchild's mother. So please, JJ. Please wake up._

Hotch and Rossi had no thoughts, nothing to say in light of what was happening and what was to come. They were scared and shocked and hurt, and they felt as the rest of their team members did, but they were unaware of these thoughts. Instead, they displayed their emotions through body language. Hotch kept shifting his weight, his arms crossed protectively over his chest, his lips sealed tight, his jaw clenched. Rossi's left hand was in his pocket, his right hand reached up to stroke his thin beard. His eyes betrayed nothing; in fact, they were completely void of emotion, although if one were to stare straight into his eyes, they would see traces of a deep-seated pain for the one they all loved and fury for the one who caused her so much anguish.

Henry stood by his father's side, his head down, as if in prayer. He didn't know exactly what was going on, but he could see that it was a moment of silence. All he wanted was to see his mother. And he had a funny feeling that she was right behind those curtains…

Will said nothing, nor did he think full thoughts. Fragments of memory and mind filled his brain, making him remember and see and feel all that he had felt for this woman, for the woman he loved, since he had first met her so long ago in New Orleans. Everything he'd experienced with her, everything he felt he'd lost when he'd gotten Hotch's phone call that told him his fiancé had been taken by the unsub they were profiling. And at last, one complete thought forced its way out of the chaos: _JJ, you are…my everything._ _And I will always love you. Forever._

Eight separate voices. Eight silent thoughts. All speaking the name of that one woman. Speaking her name with love.

_Jayje…_

_JJ…_

_Angelfish…_

_JJ…_

_JJ…_

_JJ…_

_Mommy…_

_JJ…_

And the team stood like that for a while, not speaking, not moving, only thinking or not thinking of the woman in that bed. Of Jennifer Jareau, mother and friend.

In the end, it was Rossi who finally broke the silence.

He touched a hand to Will's shoulder, and inclined his head at the doorway. "You should be first, Will."

Will looked over at the bed with tear-filled eyes. He grabbed Henry's hand in his own and nodded once.

The team watched as the two of them made their way over to the bed and disappeared behind the curtain.

* * *

><p>Minutes passed...<p>

And they watched and waited and listened…

...and started forward as someone screamed...

_JJ!_

* * *

><p><strong>TO BE CONTINUED…<strong>

* * *

><p><em>"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered." ~ <em>_**Tom Stoppard**_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: In case you were curious, the answer to your unspoken question is YES; in "Part 2," of course I will show you what happened in the time between the team watching Will and Henry disappear behind the curtain and the scream. Of course... don't lose your faith in me, yet. ;)  
><strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: Wow, guys. Just...wow. I started writing this chapter at 10:30 this morning, and after a few short breaks and a whole LOT of writing, I've finally finished this "Part 2"... And wow. Please love this. 'Cause I sure as hell do. ;) **

**I just wanted to say "thank you" to everyone who's reviewed my story so far. Because of you awesome people, I've now got over 100 reviews on this story. It's nice to see my work is appreciated. ^_^  
><strong>

**Have fun reading this. Enjoy, and I'll try to write more next week. But for now, I am SPENT. *snores***

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><p>CHAPTER 20<p>

_"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win." ~__**Stephen King**_

* * *

><p>Will looked over at the bed with tear-filled eyes. He grabbed Henry's hand in his own and nodded once.<p>

The team watched as the two of them made their way over to the bed and disappeared behind the curtain.

Minutes passed…

And they watched and waited and listened…

…and started forward as someone screamed…

_JJ?_

* * *

><p><strong>Seven Minutes Earlier.<strong>

Will paused as he reached the curtain. Beyond this barrier lay the woman he loved. Beyond this point…was JJ. _C'mon, girl. We've come this far; don't give up on me now. I got a long life to live, and your son and I need you to be a part of that life. So when I turn back this curtain, I want you to be…__**you**__. I want __**you**__. Only you, JJ. Only you._

Suddenly, he felt a sudden, noticeable pressure on his hand, a slight tremor of sorts. Glancing down, he wasn't surprised to see Henry straining against his grip in an effort to see his mother.

"Daddy?" The young boy didn't even look up to see if his father heard his voice; all of his concentration was on his mother, who he knew was lying in that small bed behind that huge white curtain.

"Daddy, c'mon!" More pressure on his father's hand. _She's right there; Mommy's right in there! Why can't we go see her; I want to go see her!_

"Hold on, little man—"

"—No, Daddy! I want to see her NOW!"

"Henry, I know what you want. And I know you want to see your Mommy—so do I."

At last, Henry met his father's eyes, which were glassy, reflecting unshed tears. And the boy wept to see his father cry, for this was a revelation. _Is there a reason to cry? Are we crying for Mommy? Is it right to cry? _

…_should I be crying, too?_

Will's heart broke as his son's bottom lip trembled as they stared at each other for a short moment, a moment that passed by in what seemed like a lifetime, where both man and boy held in each other such pain and longing for this one woman that the world around them seemed to stop, and this singular pause became all that they had to share in the chaos—or lack thereof—surrounding them.

_B—but…I just…I just… _

Henry said eight words, then. Eight words that shattered the shell of a world so cold. Eight words that broke the silence and turned the world back to life.

"Daddy? Don't you want to see Mommy, too?"

…

"H—Henry…" Will's voice wavered as he struggled to explain to his son what he could not. "It—it's not that simple, little man."

"But Daddy, why?"

"Because…your Mommy isn't—she's not feeling well—she's been—"

Will took a deep, shaky breath as he struggled to convey his feelings to his child.

"Henry, right now, I just need a moment to gather my thoughts, okay? Because Mommy isn't feeling well, and I want to be there for her. So in order for me to be able to do that for Mommy, I need a second to think. Okay, little man?"

…

"Okay, Daddy."

Henry turned his head back to stare at the curtain. Then, he leaned into his father's side, hugging the older man's legs as if this would provide for him some stability and comfort in the face of this unknown where his mother "wasn't feeling well," and his Daddy needed "a second to think."

_I'm—I'm scared, Daddy… I don't want you or anyone else to cry anymore; I just want Mommy back home with us like she used to be. I want it back the way it was. …Please, Daddy? Please make it back the way it was..._

A quiet fell over the room as the two of them stood still, father and son side-by-side. And once again, Henry's voice was the first to break the silence.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, Henry?"

"When Mommy feels better and you stop thinking, can we go home and be a family again?"

…

And it took all of the older man's willpower not to collapse right then and there. Grief and guilt for what happened and what was to happen threatened to tear him down.

_When you __**feel better**__, Jayje? Did you hear that? And when I __**stop thinking**__? Oh, god, JJ… All he wants is for you to come back to us—for him and for me and for __**us**__! What am I supposed to say to him if you—if you don't— _

…_GOD, JJ! How am I supposed to tell him the truth, if I have to, if I __**ever**__ have to tell him __**anything**__ about this day? What am I supposed to do here, Jayje…what do I have to __**do**__ to make it stop hurting so bad… What do I do to lessen __**your**__ pain and __**my**__ pain and __**his**__ pain and all of __**their**__ pain? _

_JJ, __**please**__… help me show him the way to you. __**Help me bring you back.**__ You're needed here, and I __**know**__ you understand that. I know you want to come back to us. To __**all**__ of us. So damn it, JJ! If you don't fight for this, I will—I... _

_I don't know, Jayje. I just don't know what I'll do…_

…_I don't know what to do without you…_

And no matter how hard he tried to fight the barrage, the emotions would not leave him be. But he still fought against the rising flood—how? He did not know, but after mere seconds of hanging on the edge of a precarious drop, he somehow managed to exercise what little self-control he had left in him to beat back the tide and be there for his son.

"S—sure, little man. You and M—Mommy and me. A family, again."

Henry smiled, then, a wide grin that reached the corners of his bright eyes.

_A family, again._

A few more seconds passed. Then:

"Daddy, are you ready to stop thinking now?"

A soft chuckle from his father, a hand that reached down from above to touch his head.

"Yeah, little man… Are you ready to see Mommy?"

"YES!"

"Alright, then. C'mon, Henry. Let's go see your Mommy."

_This is it… He's made his choice; I've made mine._

_Where does that leave you, JJ?_

_Where does that leave __**you**__…._

* * *

><p>The curtain fell, slowly and methodically, pooling at the ground with a soft *SWOOSH*.<p>

And beyond that wall, that invisible wall…

Will stopped dead in his tracks, and he felt Henry's hand go limp in his own.

_JJ?_

…

_Is that—can that really be—JJ—is that really you?_

A figure lay in that bed. A figure tangled in white sheets and gauze and wires that barely moved, barely breathed. A machine was hooked up to its—_her?_—form; the rhythmic beeping sound it made matched the timing of the figure's breathing, which Will was shocked to see wasn't actually _her _breathing. The short breaths belonged to another machine, and this one was attached to a clear tube that had forced itself down JJ's throat. The rise and fall of her chest was just another illusion. _Is none of it real..?_

She was so pale, so fragile…the bandages that seemed to cover every inch of her body were speckled with drops of red that seeped through the stitches beneath them. Her face appeared relaxed in light of all that she'd just been through, everything that'd just happened… But Will knew that when she woke—_**if**__ she wakes up_—she'd be terrified and hurting. No, he couldn't trust his vision anymore. Because wherever he turned, he saw another thing he just couldn't believe, one more illusion to hide the horror of it all… And this was _JJ_. That figure lying there on that lone bed? That was his _**JJ**_.

He blinked suddenly to clear away the gathering tears that caused his eyesight to blur. But it was to no avail…

_Oh, god, JJ! _

_JJ? _

_JJ… _

He found himself crouched by her bedside, his hands clenched against the thin sheets, his head down, the tears flowing freely now. He sobbed openly, all the pain he'd been feeling over the past couple of days breaking out, tearing himself to pieces in his grief.

_Why? Why, __**damn **__**it**__! _

He slammed his fist down, his mouth opening and closing in a silent scream.

_Why did he have to __**do**__ this to __**you**__? _

_God, JJ..! I don't—I—I can't—it just hurts so __**much**__… And I don't know how to make it __**stop**__…I just want it to stop! _

He wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to stop the shaking, the pain he felt deep inside his heart and chest. Rocking back and forth on his knees, he clutched his head in his hands, his fingernails digging into his scalp, his eyes squeezed shut as he cursed the world for all of its unfairness. How would he get through this? Why did he have to be the one to get through this? Why was all of this happening to him—to her and him?

_JJ, please… I can't—I don't know how to make it better. I—I don't know what to __**do**__ here! _

_JJ? Please, JJ…please? Wake up! JJ,__** wake up**__!_

As he knelt by the side of his fiancé's hospital bed, crying out his grief and fury to a silent world, he felt a sudden hand on his shoulder. He looked up through tear-filled eyes that begged forgiveness and love to meet the sympathetic eyes of his child.

"H—Henry?"

The boy said nothing. Rather, he wrapped his distraught father in a hug, wanting more than anything to eradicate the obvious pain this event was causing the older man. He'd seen his Mommy, and it hurt him to know that this was her and she wasn't…_whole_. But right now, it hurt even more to see his Daddy break down.

"Shh, Daddy. It's going to be okay. Shhh…" He spoke the words he'd heard his father say to him when he was feeling sad, the words that worked and made him feel better.

And so they stood there, father and son, their roles reversed, the latter giving comfort where none could possibly be found, the former clutching the small form as if his life depended on it.

And in that singular moment, peace was made and all was forgiven.

_And she shall look on him with forgiveness, and everybody will forgive and love. He will be __**loved**__. _

…

_JJ? Can we rest now..? …JJ, can we __**rest**__?_

* * *

><p>A tugging sensation by her side. A warm hand gripping her own. And then…nothing. She couldn't breathe, couldn't see, couldn't hear—anything. Except…<p>

"Hey there, darlin'."

_No…_

"What'd your _family_ tell you? That they'd shot me? That I'd died?"

_His _voice, that dark chuckle that sent shivers down her spine.

"Well, sorry babe, but I'm not going anywhere."

Another tap on her side—_his fingers?_

"C'mon, Jennifer, wake up. It's time to play."

_No…it can't be you…it can't be—_

"—I said, IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP!"

He grabbed her roughly now, twisting her arms back with such force, they dislodged from their sockets, sending imaginable pain shooting through her body.

_AAGHHHH!_

Laughing wildly, the monster leaned in close—so close, she could smell his putrid breath—and kissed her forehead, his saliva lingering for a moment before it absorbed into her skin. He seemed to revel in her agony, all the while twisting her arms back farther, digging his elbow into her ribs, choking her with a grip that cut off her airway and forced her to struggle even more against his relentless assault.

_NO! You were dead! They killed you; they said you were dead, and I believe them! You're not here, you're not here!_

"Jennifer, love…I'm right in front of you. And I'm never going to let you go. _Never_."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

JJ screamed as her monster came closer and closer—

His hands grabbed her tighter, held her down as he brushed one finger across her cheek, smiling at her effort to break free from him.

"NOOO! _LET ME GO_!"

Another voice, then. A voice out of the gloom. A voice that she recognized, somewhere deep down in her consciousness, a voice that stood apart from her monster's, from the violent throes of the nightmare that seemed too real to not be real.

But it couldn't be…

"JJ!"

_Will?_

And then, as soon as it had appeared, the voice faded out against the blackness as Jayne Adams filled her vision.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—"

* * *

><p>The peace that had settled over the dimly lit hospital room shattered as JJ suddenly began to shake in her bed. The monitor beeped more quickly, and tears streamed down JJ's now-terrified face. And from her forced-open mouth came the most horrendous sound Will had ever heard: a sort of wailing screech that rose in pitch and volume, devoid of anything even remotely human, a sound that rang with complete and utter terror.<p>

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

JJ screamed out, her forehead coated with a slick layer of sweat, blood leaking from her nose as the force of her cry caused blood vessels to pop and snap.

Will stood in shock for a few seconds as he registered the scene before him. And then, he jumped to action.

"Doctor! I NEED A DOCTOR IN HERE!"

Ignoring the added cries around him—her team, he presumed—he pinned JJ down, attempting to keep her from struggling more, as he could see that the exaggerated movement was causing excess harm to her already-damaged body.

A hand by his side, a voice at his ear, another person helping him to hold her down.

"Will, we've got her. We've got her, man."

_Morgan?_

"We're with you, man. We've got her…"

Will dared to raise his head, his red-tipped vision meeting the pained eyes of Derek Morgan. The agent broke eye contact first, the veins across his forehead rippling as he yelled for JJ to stop, to calm down.

When she didn't… "REID, GET THAT DOCTOR! NOW!"

The sound of footsteps to his right as the younger agent hurried out of the room that had somehow become this _hell_.

Will glanced back down at the woman beneath him. Her eyes were wide open and staring, glazed over in her madness. And it was in this moment that he knew that there was absolutely nothing he could say that would break through the dark void that had possessed her mind and body. But he had to try.

_I have to try, JJ. For __**you**__. Always for you._

Added weight upon her as Aaron Hotchner joined the other men. Will stole another quick look at the BAU's Unit Chief. All carefully constructed barriers were down, revealing a man who swore to the world as his agent and friend refused to see reason and broke herself down in her efforts to get away from whomever was haunting her so. And he knew who that person was, who was responsible for her pain. It was Jayne Adams. The monster from her nightmares had come back to take her away with him. Away from her team. And he would _not_ let that happen. Not_ again._

So Aaron Hotchner, along with Derek Morgan and Will LaMontagne, fought to stop her struggling, to end her suffering. And Hotch blinked back thick tears that stained the sheets that covered her body, and he screamed right back at her to stop, to come back to them. That this was just a nightmare, and her monster was indeed dead and gone. But even he couldn't get through to her. In this haze, all that got through was one voice above the din. One voice.

"NOOO! _LET ME GO_!"

Will reached down, and with both hands, he took his fiancé's face in his hands and shouted her name:

"JJ!"

A slight pause as she struggled less…

_Did that work? Is she—_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—"

The frantic movements resumed at full strength, and the blood poured from her nose faster, staining the white sheets with more and more red.

All around him, Will heard sobbing, screaming, and pleading—the chaos that had become his new life. And he joined the cries, for he could see no way out, no hope for refuge from this hell that he had come to call home.

_Please…please, just make it stop…_

_JJ…please stop..._

But her voice continued to screech above the rest, sending chills down their spines as everything human was no more.

**The nightmare was all too real to not be real…**

* * *

><p>Emily watched as Morgan, Hotch, and Will held JJ down against the hospital bed. Her best friend's face was smeared with blood and sweat, but what terrified her the most was the expression on JJ's face. Fear. No reason. Absolute fear.<p>

As soon as the screaming had started, she and the rest of the team had rushed into the room. And after everything they'd experienced working this job, through all the pain and horror and bloodshed they'd seen over the past years together…nothing could have prepared them for this.

_JJ…_

The first thing she did was grab Henry and hold him back against her chest. He didn't need to see this…he shouldn't have to see this. Not ever. And the little boy was _still_ crying. Because there was no way to block out to sounds, the inhuman noises that his mother was making as she fought against her invisible foe and even more visible friends.

_Oh, Jayje…I am so sorry. I never meant to let him see you like this…_

She clutched Henry's head closer to her heart, as if the soft sounds of its beating could possibly lend him comfort.

As she tore her gaze away from the scene in front of her, her eyes fell on Garcia, who stood still, having not moved an inch since she'd first seen JJ. Rossi was holding her as tears dripped down her face, her mouth wide open as words abandoned her and thoughts drew her deep inside her own self.

Rossi was speaking to the uncharacteristically silent woman, offering words that she could no longer utter, as the shock of the situation had rendered her speechless. He held her hand in his, a sign that he knew she'd see, a sign that told her that she wasn't alone in this. That they all felt how she did. That they each had different ways of dealing with their mixed-up, all-consuming feelings, and this was her way.

_This was her way…_

_JJ…__**your**__ way._

* * *

><p>"Out of my way!"<p>

Doctor Hunt barged into the room, his eyes wide, his breath heavy as he took in the scene before him.

_Shit!_

He nodded at the nurse behind him, and then he ran into the fray. The black agent, the tall, reserved one, and the fiancé were holding his patient down, and she was screaming, her eyes spotted with red, her nose streaming with blood, her limbs twisted in ways they shouldn't have been.

"MOVE!"

He tried to push the men aside, but they wouldn't budge. They were too fixated on _her_. He grabbed the older man's shoulder, forcing him to turn and meet his eyes.

"Agent Hotchner, I need you to step away from your friend. She needs help, and I can give that to her. Please, sir."

A flash of reason flitted across the agent's face.

"Sir…_please_. If you want her to live, get out of my way."

"Hotch." The skinny agent spoke up, his voice calm and collected in the midst of the turmoil.

"Hotch, he knows what he's doing. And she—she's dying."

Suddenly, the older agent's vision cleared, his face more shocked than angry now. He looked down at JJ, then over at Will and Morgan.

"Morgan. Will."

They met his gaze with helpless eyes.

"Let her go."

Confusion. Resistance. Fury. Hopelessness. Grief.

"Let her go…"

And they did.

They let her go.

They _let her go_.

_I'm sorry, JJ. _

_I—I'm just…__**sorry**__…_

* * *

><p>Doctor Hunt moved in to take their place. He and the nurses scrambled around, shouting out orders that fell on agents' deaf ears.<p>

And all anyone could think was: _SAVE HER._

Because it shouldn't have been so hard. She shouldn't be so scared. She was safe, wasn't she? Safe and sound. With her family.

So why was it so hard?

Will turned away, his hands covering his face as listless sobs caused his body to quake and shudder.

_Why is it so __**god damn hard**__. _

_When all we want and need is a little peace. _

_Is that too much to ask for? Huh?_

He attacked the world with unspoken thoughts, so eager to be rid of it all.

_JJ, I told you before that we'd never give up. That we'd never leave your side…no matter what._

_And we won't. Not ever._

_But please…you fight through this. You beat that son-of-a-bitch again. Those doctors? They're going to help you get rid of him. So let them do that. Please… Because we tried. And we couldn't make him stop hurting you. We couldn't make you stop hurting yourself._

He knelt on the floor now, senseless and broken.

_I failed you, JJ._

_And all I can say…is I'm sorry;_

_Keep fighting;_

_And don't let that bastard win._

…_**Do not let him win.**_

* * *

><p>Six voices joined his in thought.<p>

_Hold on. And please...forgive us, JJ…_

…

And one thought, clearer than the rest:

_Forgive them, Mommy…_

* * *

><p>And JJ felt peace.<p>

Her monster faded away into the black, and she let go of all notions of thought and sound.

She slept, then…as her broken family—her team, her son, and the man she loved—watched.

_I forgive you…_

_**I forgive you.**_

* * *

><p>And at last, the beeping sound dimmed, its tone becoming more stable. The doctors continued their work, but the pace was less rushed, the atmosphere less chaotic.<p>

Her screams fell silent as she drifted off to a deep, restless sleep.

And her team stood still, barely allowing themselves to breathe as they waited for her nightmare to resurface.

And so they waited.

And they watched.

Protecting the woman they loved…until she needed them next.

* * *

><p><em>"All that we see or seem. Is but a dream within a dream." ~<em>_**Edgar Allen Poe**_


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

_"The past is our definition. We may strive with good reason to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it." ~__**Wendell Berry**_

* * *

><p>The night passed slowly, each moment more tense than the next.<p>

Doctors were transient, moving in and out of her room quickly and efficiently. The nurses stayed longer, ensuring that the IV fluids and blood supply were never waning, that the patient was stable and responsive after her waking nightmare.

Guests were allowed to enter the hospital room until they were pulled out by those who advised that the patient should be allowed some peace and quiet after the hell she'd been through in the past week. Of course, her team insisted on never leaving her for fear that she might wake up alone. Her family, too.

Will and Henry sat with her first, the former's hand on hers, the latter curled up by her side. They said nothing, heard nothing, and did nothing. They offered comfort and love by simply being there next to her. And that was enough.

Hotch took the second shift. After pacing across the room for an hour, he gave in to his fear-filled thoughts and sat down beside her bed. His eyes never leaving her face, he crossed his hands over his chest and leaned back in his chair. All he could do was watch and wait. And pray that the nightmares would end and her monster would leave her alone. She would moan occasionally, make sudden movements that threw him off. And then there were moments where the corners of her mouth would raise in a slight smile, and all was well. _Is it dreams or nightmares that have you cornered? _But she never gave him an answer.

Prentiss watched over her next. Much like she'd watched over Hotch when he'd been in a similar situation years earlier, she watched over her friend. And even though she was completely exhausted and both mentally and physically drained from the past few days, she kept her eyes wide open, afraid that drifting off to sleep meant abandoning JJ with her terrors.

Garcia and Rossi relieved Prentiss a few hours later, a silent exchange of words that assured the brunette agent that they'd take care of JJ, that it was okay for her to rest now. Garcia had composed herself slightly from her earlier meltdown, but she still couldn't keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks as she stared down at her best friend. Rossi had offered to join the tech analyst for fear that she would be unable to handle herself in JJ's lonely and desolate presence. And he was right. So he sat beside the two women, one silent and still in a hospital bed, the other teary-eyed and shaking by the other one's side. And he held both of their hands.

Morgan took the next shift. He walked over to the bed where JJ lay, her mouth and body interspersed with various tubes and wires. Saying nothing, he leaned down to brush his lips gently against her forehead. And he stood there, his face calm, his emotions outwardly collected. Standing by her side. Because that was all he needed. And he knew she felt the same.

Reid lasted the remainder of the long and terrifying night, his actions much like everyone else's when it came to watching over JJ. Only he knew that this was merely the first night out of many. And JJ had ways to go before she'd be anywhere close to healed. _One doesn't just go through what she went through and come out alright. She's got hell in front of her and hell behind her. All of which she'll need to confront before she can even begin to heal her mind and body. _He reached down and took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb across the milky flesh, squeezing tight to let her know he was there and waiting for her to recuperate. And that he always would be waiting. They all would. As long as it took, they all would watch and wait…

* * *

><p><em>So sorry—let you go—didn't mean to—can't help—breathe, Jayje—we're here for you—don't let us go—please, JJ—<strong>PLEASE!<strong>_

JJ's eyes flew open.

She couldn't move, couldn't scream, couldn't speak.

She was in a hospital room; she knew that much. And she knew her team had stayed with her all night. She'd felt them there: Will and Henry's heartfelt silence, Hotch and Morgan's conflicted strength, Garcia's fractured love, Emily's relentless fear, Rossi's stable courage, and Reid's determined hope. Everything she'd needed that night they gave to her willingly and with a sort of purpose that they felt they owed her. What they didn't say spoke volumes. What they didn't say was enough.

JJ found herself suddenly entranced by the ceiling above her, the knots and grooves that twisted and turned in midair, seemingly unstable yet it was this structure that held the building together and kept everything in it from falling apart.

She moved her gaze toward the outer window to her right. Lazy light filtered through the blinds, reaching down and touching the room with a soft, pinkish-yellow glow that brought tears to her eyes. Only—_yesterday, was it?_—she'd been trapped underground in a black cell where the only light was the ever slowly swinging bulb that she'd force her eyes to see instead of—_him._ Of course, the moon and sun occasionally peeked through the barred window near the door, but she could never fully see that light. Because looking around made everything all the more real. Looking around made her see _him._ And with _him_ came chains and knives and hurt and bloodshed. With _him_ came her terror that she could suppress for a time…but no matter what she did or refused to do, he'd always beat her walls back, with steel and stone if need be. He never _broke_ her. Just transformed her defiant cries to pained screams. And forced her team to watch as he _tried_ to break her down. Even at the end, when he'd used her limp body to bargain for his own life, when he'd pressed that cold knife against her throat and held her up as a shield, she'd never given in completely. Not to _him_. **Never to **_**him**_**.**

_They know that I never let him win. _

_They know I kept going even when it seemed impossible not to fall. _

_**They know.**_

JJ told herself again and again that her team knew she'd been strong until the end. They'd seen her and she'd held on even when they'd let her go. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she felt they believed they'd lost her to _him_. That they'd never get their old JJ back. That she'd become angry and bitter and introverted to the point of no return. That she'd give up on them and on herself after such a traumatic experience…with _him_.

The glow faded from the room, and tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. She refused to believe they'd lost their faith in her. After all that they'd been through together as a team and as a family, she had to hold on to that. When Reid had been taken by Tobias Hankel and they'd rescued him, he'd been…_changed_. And the drugs weren't fully responsible. He was angry at himself, at the world, at the team. Blaming them for the ordeal. _Blaming __**me**__._ But they'd helped him heal. They'd showed him that he could trust them with his life. That he was still worthy of love after Tobias had forced him to choose someone to die. After he'd betrayed his own team to Dilaudid. He was her example. And she knew that this time, she could trust the team with her innermost thoughts and fears. Because she wasn't that same person who'd abandoned Reid to Tobias, who'd been shaken up by a few murderous dogs. She'd become someone else, a stronger, more confident version of her former self. The walls were still up, held high and stable even through her experience with _him_. That monster couldn't tear them down. _He couldn't break me. _But she could _let_ her walls fall. If it meant digging down deep into herself and forcing any remnants of her monster out, she'd let her team into her guarded mind. She'd let them in if it meant getting _him_ out.

Anything to get him out.

She would destroy the worn walls and rebuild. She'd set her foundation upon her family. And she'd build up from that point, leaving Jayne Adams in the pile of rubble that would become her old walls.

Staring back at the ceiling above her, she realized that she and it were now shockingly similar: if the ceiling was to collapse, someone else would come along and rebuild it into something better and something new. The building would fall, but that wouldn't be the end. Likewise, she'd tear herself down, but it wouldn't be _her_ end.

Looking back down, she struggled to move her fingers, her toes, her head—anything. She closed her eyes and tried to move, but to no avail.

"It's the drugs they've got you on."

She opened her eyes, startled at the sudden intrusion into her privacy.

A blurry figure stood before her, at the edge of her bed, staring down at her with gentle eyes. All she could make out was the face.

_Hotch?_

Her boss stepped to the side, walking over to the lone chair that sat to her left. He sat down in it and took her hand in his. That she could feel. The warmth that spread through her entire body was a good flame that signified belonging and love and protection. It was his hand on hers. And she never wanted him to let go. After a terrifying week in which she'd felt she'd never see her team or her family again, she hadn't been expecting this moment. Where she could feel safe again.

JJ's eyes smiled and shone with fresh tears. The corners of her lip twitched as she thought of what she might say to him for just being there for her.

He understood.

And his face blurred out as she succumbed once more to the medication they had her on. As her eyes rolled shut and she fell back to her dreamland, she heard Hotch's voice one last time:

"Sleep for now, JJ. We'll be here."

_I know you will. You all will._

When she woke next, she wouldn't hold back. She knew what she had to do now. Her nightmare had ended, and she needed to move on. Her team would help her cope with _him_. She wasn't in denial, she was fully aware of her predicament and the amount of time that it would take for her to recover. But she had to let them know that, too. So they could trust her as much as she would have to trust them.

She fell asleep to Hotch's voice, to the comfort he brought her, to the beeping sound to her right, to the light that flitted across her eyelids and transformed the dark underneath them into a reddish glow that sent her off into a peaceful, dreamless state of mind.

To _heal_.

_That_ was her next job.

No more nightmares.

Her monster was dead and gone, and it was time to heal.

It was time to move on and transform this ending into a new beginning.

* * *

><p>"<em>I've always heard that every ending is also a beginning; we just don't know it at the time. I'd like to believe that's true." ~<em>_**SSA Emily Prentiss**_


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

_"If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find." ~__**John Churton Collins**_

* * *

><p>JJ drifted through a drug-induced haze, catching bits and pieces of the world around her as people came and went. After Hotch left her side, the doctors had returned with a renewed sense of vigor; they frequented the room, flitting back and forth as night fell once again. Their main purpose was to keep her mildly sedated enough for her body to heal. And that they did.<p>

Of the night that passed, all that she remembered was Will's gentle kiss to her forehead and Henry's warm form pressed close to her own, his breathing steady as he realized that the worst of the ordeal was over; his mother _was_ going to be okay. Will and Henry stayed with her throughout the entire night, keeping her close.

In the morning, as the nurses changed her sheets and the bandages covering her wounds, Hotch returned with the team. Garcia and Emily lay next to her on the bed, discussing anything and everything, from new sales on shoes to updates on the Reid-and-Morgan-Prank-Wars. They'd make her smile sometimes, when she was actually listening, when she _could_ listen. As for Reid, he'd go on and on about some new and _interesting _book he'd just read in five minutes outside in the waiting room, listing facts about the author or how the main character was actually an alien in the past life. Morgan would usually save them all the trouble of enduring his tirade with a subtle smack on the head, which Reid would complain most loudly about. Then, Morgan would shoot him a winning smile and all would be right in the world. Until Rossi sat in the chair to her left, joking about how JJ should be worried that she'd turn out like Hotch, all sullen and broody now that she'd been through hell and back. At this, Hotch gave a grim smile and said, with a straight face, "At least she's still prettier than you." Morgan guffawed, feigning stroking a beard, while Rossi ducked and covered with a mutter that sounded a lot like a muffled curse directed toward Hotch. Reid started with a "Did you know—," and Emily interrupted with a loud "NO!" that sent everyone into peals of laughter, even Hotch, who now felt that it was right to laugh, that this was a happier time in which JJ was alive and well and he'd done his job as Unit Chief. All this JJ heard, and it was to this that she laughed in her own silent way that sent her body shaking and her eyes watering.

Only later when six of them left did she finally allow herself some rest. Garcia stayed in the room, refusing to let her best friend out of her sight. As JJ slept, she took Henry's usual place, snuggling up close to JJ and holding her as the dreams seized her mind…

_Thank you…_

* * *

><p>When JJ woke, it was mid-afternoon and Garcia was fast asleep, snoring peacefully and clutching JJ's arm as some sort of reassurance that this would keep JJ by her side.<p>

The drugs were wearing off, and JJ was relieved to find that she could move her lips enough to form words. Her body was still paralyzed, but for now, she only needed her voice.

"G—Garcia?"

No answer from the blonde woman beside her. Only a slight shift in position.

"_Garcia_!"

"What? Who's there?" The tech analyst jerked awake, her hair wild, her eyes wide, a string of drool hanging from her lips. She brushed away the saliva with a quick motion of her hand. And then she realized what was happening. Staring down at JJ, she let her mouth drop open.

"Jayje? Did you—did you just—OH MY GOD, IT'S A FREAKING **MIRACLE**!"

"Garcia…_please_ don't send every single person in this hospital rushing to my need. I don't—" JJ coughed slightly as her raw throat adjusted to the air flow. "—I'd rather not have all the attention, if you don't mind."

"Right. Gotcha."

The look of guilt on Garcia's face sent JJ into a fit of sorts, her body resuming its earlier shaking movement, her mouth sounding out occasional coughs that seemed to be laughter. After ensuring that JJ was indeed laughing and not choking to death, Garcia joined her best friend in the pure bliss that life was. JJ was _alive_. That's when it really hit her. _You're going to be __**okay**__, Jayje._

As the laughter subsided, JJ smiled at her friend. "I—I wanted to thank you…for before…what Emily told me…thank you, PG."

Garcia blinked back sudden tears. "I—you're welcome. I—I just—"

"No tears, Garcia…I don't think I can take any more tears…not right now."

"Of course, love. I'm just seriously glad that you're okay." The analyst composed herself, sniffing in a valiant effort to keep her emotions in check.

JJ's fingers twitched as she tried to reach out and touch her friend. "Me too…"

Garcia saw what she was doing and reached down to take JJ's hand. "You had us really scared for a second…through everything, really."

A sadness filled JJ as she remembered her message to them…in that dark room with the blinking red light.

"I didn't want you guys to see me like that…but I knew you were coming for me."

"How did you—how'd you keep going? We kept telling ourselves that you were strong enough to hold him off until we came, but—but he—god, Jayje, I couldn't watch it! After the first few minutes—and you were screaming so _loud_! I had to turn my head away… I—I'm sorry. And we were doing everything we could! But we just couldn't—he was ahead of us, and then…" JJ squeezed Garcia's hand with a soft grip as the woman struggled for her next words. "But you—you have to thank _Reid_. If it wasn't for that genius brain of his, I'd still be searching the maps for you…and by then, we might've been too late…"

She broke off this time, unable to say the words that had almost been the reality of their situation. _You would have been just another torn and broken body we were too late to save…_

Silence as JJ processed what she'd just heard.

_They believed in me. And I—I shouldn't have made them doubt…they must've so terrified…I shouldn't have begged them to come…I just made it worse. __**Damn it**__!_

"Garcia, I—I'm so _sorry_. I didn't mean to _hurt_ you—I didn't mean to—I just had to tell you—he was spiraling out of control, and you guys…" She was rambling and she knew it, but she couldn't stop. She had to get this off her chest, _now_. "But I had hope! I did; I really did, but you didn't come, and it just hurt so much, and I couldn't help but think that—that you guys weren't—" She bit her lip in an attempt to try and stop the tears from overflowing as Garcia's expression changed from deeply sympathetic to utterly heartbroken. "—that you weren't _coming_. And I—I didn't want to believe it! But he kept hurting me, and—and—" Her voice broke as she did, the tears falling down in a sudden rush, and she found herself screaming the next words that came out of her mouth."OH GOD, I'm so _SORRY_! I didn't mean it! I didn't want it! I didn't want _any_ of it! _Garcia_! I'm so sorry!"

"Oh, Jayje…" Garcia was speechless. In all her life, she'd never seen this woman—this strong woman who lay before her—break down. Not even once. She'd heard that Hotch had seen the more emotional side of her beloved JJ. Hotch and Morgan and Prentiss. Reid, probably. Maybe Rossi. But _she'd_ never seen it happen. And now here she was, holding JJ as the experienced agent sobbed into her pillow, crying out her guilt and terror and anger at the world and her monster and her team. Garcia wanted more than anything to share in her friend's pain, to carry some of her burden… But she knew it wasn't her place. Not this time. All she could do was hold JJ close and let her best friend scream and sob as she lay almost completely paralyzed in a hospital bed. This kind of thing was good, she'd also heard. Keeping your emotions bottled up…that was what tore you apart. Or so she'd heard.

"I—it's not your fault, love. You did what you could. He was _torturing_ you, JJ. He was hurting you, and you still held on. You held on tight, and you beat him back. I heard Emily talking about it, and she told me you were so _strong_! She said you refused to give up and let him win. You never let go, Jayje. You never let us go…so no matter what you tell yourself, no matter how badly you beat yourself up about this whole damn thing, don't you dare forget what I'm saying to you right now. That we will never stop loving you. Do you understand that, Jayje? _We don't blame you for what happened._ If anything, you should be blaming _us_! But we don't and _will not_ blame you. So stop tearing yourself apart! Because you _survived_. You made it, girl. And we are _still_ here rooting for you to make it just one step farther. To get past this. To leave that _bastard _behind in the dust. Can't you see us here, JJ? Can't you see us standing here by your side? We don't want you to doubt your actions. We don't need that from you. I mean, you went through hell. We get that. But leave what's passed in the past. Don't bring that hell back with you. I know you don't want that. I _know_ you, Jayje. You _are_ strong—the strongest person I've ever met—and that should be enough to make you understand. We _never_ gave up on you. Not even when everything seemed hopeless and we almost lost ourselves to the grief of losing you when we were right there to stop it. He _took_ you from us, Jayje. He took you right in front of us, and we _couldn't_ even _stop_ it. We watched that footage a hundred times over, and when we saw how easy it'd been for him to take you, we cringed and blamed ourselves and each other. _We_ left _you_, love. Not the other way around. We blamed _us_, not _you_. Never you."

JJ's sobbing had subsided slightly as she listened to the words her best friend was saying. _But I—he—it wasn't __**your **__fault—he took me—it was all me—I shouldn't have left—you guys—__**it wasn't your fault!**_

"Garcia—but I—"

"—no, Jayje. It's _over_. It's behind us all. What we saw and heard and felt while that _monster_ had you in his grasp… It's not relevant anymore. You're _okay_. And that's all that matters. You _see_ me here next to you. You _hear_ me speaking words of love and almighty PG wisdom. You _feel_ my hand in yours, offering you comfort and hope. All that is _real_. It's happening _now_. Let _him_ go, Jayje. Let your past be past. You deserve a fresh start. And we're all here for you to help make that happen."

_Garcia, I—_

…

—_**thank you.**_

Relief spread through her body like electricity, relighting her soul and cleansing away the overbearing grief and pain that tried to destroy her even after she had escaped the man who was responsible for it all.

"_Thank_ _you_…"

"Anytime, angelfish. _Anytime_."

No more tears, no more crying, nothing left but a peaceful silence.

…

"Garcia?"

"Yeah, Jayje?"

"Promise me you won't tell the others…I don't want them to know what happened here. Unless they have to know, I'd rather them not know. _Please_, Garcia?"

"I promise, my love. Now go back to sleep. When you wake up, the rest of the team will be here, and we can talk then. About what comes next. Okay?"

_What __**does**__ come next?_

"Okay…"

_...what comes next..?_

* * *

><p><em>"I have found the paradox: that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~<em>_**Mother Teresa**_


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: FYI, these next few chapters will be centered around individual team moments. The last one was Garcia/JJ, this one is Emily/JJ, and so on. And on that note, here is a chapter for all you lovely and amazingly wonderful people who read my work.**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 23<p>

_"There is no witness so dreadful, no accuser so terrible as the conscience that dwells in the heart of every man." ~__**Polybius**_

* * *

><p>"JJ?"<p>

_No, please…don't make me wake up…I like it here…_

"JJ..?"

_I told you, NO! Not again. Please don't take me away again…_

"JJ!"

Her eyes opened wide as she woke to the sound of her name. In the moment between awake and alert, she found that her temporary paralysis had lessened slightly, allowing her the freedom to move her upper body as she pleased. Yet _still_ she couldn't move. Her arms were pinned to the bed, her shoulders held back by some unseen force…

"Jayje?"

_Emily? _Her not-so-unseen-force was straddled on top of her, holding her down. _What the—_

"Hey, there." Seeing the confusion on JJ's face, Emily felt obliged to explain this particular situation. "Um, yeah, so you wouldn't wake up. And then you started flailing—"

"—nightmares, again. Nothing I can't handle." JJ quickly interjected.

Emily nodded. "—so I took it upon myself to keep you from hurting yourself any more than what's already been done to you."

"Aha. Well, I think I'm awake now, so if you would be so kind as to—"

"—of course!" Emily blushed profusely. She carefully removed herself from the scene, allowing JJ some breathing room.

Having regained the ability to move, JJ now wrapped her arms around her torso, delighting in the warmth and comfort that came with having some semblance of autonomy. As she lay there, smiling in spite of herself, she suddenly noticed that Emily had moved away from her; the chair that was usually positioned right next to her bed was trapped against the far wall.

"Em?"

The raven-haired agent was immediately by her side, her face expressing concern and a sort of melancholy that hadn't been there just seconds earlier.

"Yeah, Jayje?"

_What's going on..?_

"I—you were—why's the—"

Unsure of what exactly she should say, JJ gave up her rambling. Instead, she asked one simple question.

"What's wrong, Em?"

Emily looked quite taken aback as she realized, not for the first time, that she wasn't so adept at hiding her feelings as she thought she was. She saw JJ's gaze turn toward the chair that'd been pushed back from the hospital bed, and Emily was surprised to discover that instead of wanting to keep her feelings to herself, she suddenly felt the need to explain her actions to the woman who was her best friend.

"May I?" She motioned to the bed.

JJ nodded, inching aside to make room for her friend. In response, Emily moved to sit on the bed, careful not to hurt the other woman as she stretched out beside her.

A comfortable silence passed as both agents acknowledged this singular moment, this peace that meant that they were _both _alive and well. Still, Emily knew JJ was waiting for some answers. She took a deep breath as she gathered her thoughts.

"I thought you were going to die."

No answer from her friend. Emily glanced up at JJ and was startled to see tears forming in her misty-blue eyes.

"Jayje? I'm sorry! Please don't—"

JJ stared down at her with saddened eyes, her lips forming a watery smile.

"—Em, it's fine; I'm okay. It's just…you shouldn't have had to go through that." She looked past her friend, as if in a daze. "None of us should've had to go through that…"

_No one ever should._

Emily grabbed JJ's hand in hers. "I let you go, you know. Back when we found you, in that _house_, I told you to hold on to us because we'd never let you go. And I—" She frantically wiped away a tear with her free hand. "—it was _my _responsibility! I stayed with you, and you were fine—you were getting better—and then you just _died_. You died in that ambulance, and I couldn't do anything to stop it from happening. You heard everything I needed you to hear…and then you just gave up. And I couldn't help but think that it was _my fault_."

"Emily, trust me, what happened to me wasn't your fault. It was _his_ fault. The unsub. You _saved_ me; you know that, right? If it wasn't for you guys…I'd be dead."

"But you _were_…"

"Yes, I was. But do you want to know what _I_ remember, Em?"

"Jayje..—"

"—I remember _you_. _You_ were in that ambulance with me. _You _held my hand. _You _held me in that basement, on that cold, hard floor. _I_ let go. _You_ never let me go."

Their eyes met, and Emily was shocked at what she saw in JJ. Forgiveness and love. For _her_.

_But—_

"JJ, when the doctors took you away, I tried to follow them, to make sure you were really going to be okay. Because in that moment, you weren't fine. You weren't going to make it. But Hotch and Rossi...they held me back."

* * *

><p>*FLASH*<p>

"Wait! I need to see her; please! One more time—she's my best friend—a special agent—"

"—_I can't just let her go_!"

Light pressure on her arm, hands pulling her back, a gentle whisper in her ear, fingers on her cheeks, holding her closer, making her _see_.

"Emily…"

_Hotch?_

"Let them do what they do best. There's nothing we can do for her now…nothing we haven't done already…"

_No…I have to do __**something**__. I need to make sure she's okay…_

"But—"

"Emily."

_Rossi._

"He's right; we've done all we can do. It's up to her, now. And them."

The two agents watched as Emily's eyes slowly re-focused, her breathing became steady, and her pupils contracted.

As the shock of the recent trauma hit, she recoiled in Hotch's grip, only to fall limp in his arms a few moments later.

She sighed, her face torn with pain, fear, doubt, and guilt. "I should be there for her…when I wasn't there before…"

"Emily, you _were_ there for her. How do you think she was able to survive for so long? She was tortured for _hours_ on end, and she never gave up. Why? Because she knew her team was coming for her. She knew her family would stop at _nothing_ to save her." Hotch tucked a stray piece of brunette hair behind her ear. "Emily, _trust me_ when I tell you that you are _not_ the only person in this room that feels responsible for JJ's predicament."

Emily met his eyes with her own, her bottom lip trembling, and her eyes wide with fresh tears.

"_**Hotch**__…_ I—I _know_, but I _can't make it __**stop**_. I can't stop feeling this—this guilt, this hurt, this _pain_. This _damn_ _pain_ that won't let me be! I _know_ I'm not to blame. I _know_ I couldn't have done anything more to help her… But I still feel like—"

"_Emily_." Rossi cut in, his voice gentle.

"We _know_."

And the three agents stood together in the middle of the hallway. Hotch kept his grip on Emily, who laid her head upon his shoulder, sniffing back tears as if she could force herself to compartmentalize. As if she could return to her former self: the hard-ass Agent Prentiss who could take anything from anyone, no problem.

…

_Is that what I'm supposed to do? Do I have to be so strong?_

*FLASH*

* * *

><p>Emily found herself yelling out her next words as everything she'd felt, all that she dealt with over the past week, exploded from deep within her.<p>

"I thought you'd died, and I blamed _myself_! God **damn** it, JJ! When I needed, more than ever, to be strong, I _broke down_. And I was so _angry_. At _**you**_!"

She hated the immediate guilt she felt as she said those last words. _I can't believe I made myself hate you; you're the victim…and I was so mad at you for leaving us and making all this—this…__**this**__ happen!_

"I'm supposed to be strong. You understand that."

JJ gave her a silent nod.

"So I don't—god, this sounds so stupid—I don't feel _worthy _of your forgiveness." She sighed, frustrated with this new inability of hers to explain exactly what she was feeling.

"I feel that it was my fault. I know I shouldn't, and I know it wasn't. But deep down, I'm telling myself that I shouldn't be forgiven for what I did—or didn't—do."

She laughed, suddenly.

At JJ's confused glance, she clarified for the other agent. "I think I finally understand what Morgan went through…"

JJ smiled slightly, staring down at her hands as she remembered what she'd had to keep from the team.

"Hey, Jayje?"

JJ looked back up at her friend.

"Is it right to forgive? For what I did then…and for what I did now?"

"Em…you know that whatever I say isn't going to make the difference. You have to forgive yourself. You already know what I have to say about that."

Emily leaned back against the bed, her anger dulled as reason took over.

_Can I forgive myself for what I've done?_

She knew it wasn't just this time. She'd done so many things in her life that needed justification. But she'd finally reached her breaking point. _After everything, can I still find forgiveness in __**myself**__?_

"Emily, look at me." The distraught agent met JJ's worried gaze.

"Whatever you've done in the past…it's past. There are things I know about you and things I don't know, but the things I _do _know about you sure as hell make up for whatever it is that's holding you back. You ask yourself for forgiveness? Well, so did I. Last night, I lost it. I completely broke down, angry and hurt and terrified as the realization of what I've just been through took over. And do you want to know my reason? I needed to know that it wasn't _my _fault for everything that happened. I needed someone to forgive me so that I could, in turn, forgive myself. Garcia helped me through it. And I think I finally understand…"

She gripped Emily's hand tightly.

"I am who I am because of you guys. I survived because I had something more than just me to live for. I had—_have_—my team and my family. So when I thought about it—when I _really _thought about everything that happened—I saw what could have been, how it could have been prevented so easily…and I was angry. Because in that basement, I never gave up. I kept telling myself you were coming for me; you all would save me, and when you didn't come, I told myself that you didn't care. I rejected your love, and I convinced myself that I was responsible for it all. That I'd hurt you guys by becoming _his_ victim."

"But, J—"

"—no, Em. I know how you feel, and I know what you're doing to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for what happened to me. Seeing you like this…it reminds me why I couldn't forgive myself."

Silence fell as Emily contemplated JJ's words.

"How did you do it, Jayje? I mean, you know me, you know I never open up like this, but I just—I can't control this _guilt_! And I told Hotch…and Rossi knows…but_—"_

"—I had Garcia. You have me." JJ pulled Emily close to her side, cringing slightly as her wounds protested. "Emily Prentiss, I forgive you. Even if you can't forgive yourself, I forgive you. It wasn't your fault. Can you accept that? _It wasn't your fault_."

"Even though I wasn't there for you when you needed us the most?"

The corners of JJ's mouth lifted in a half smile.

"But you _were_ there, Em. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Even when you weren't physically by my side, I held on to you. When _he _hurt me, I felt you there. All of you were there."

Emily opened her mouth to refute, but she found that she couldn't form the new words. _I was there? _

"So I ask again: can you forgive yourself?"

…

_If she believed in me and us…through everything...I have to believe that I did help her. That she __**is**_ _alive because we had something to do with it. We saved her life. _

…

"Emily?"

_**I**__ saved her life._

_...  
><em>

"JJ…I can."

…

And the two women sat there, in this moment both as complete equals in their suffering and acceptance of each other's fates. The realization that they _had_ made a difference, that they were indeed responsible for saving the people they loved…

"Who would have ever thought it would come to this, huh, Em?"

Both agents laughed.

"Who would've ever known…"

* * *

><p><em>"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for a moment that we're not alone." ~<em>_**Orson Welles**_

* * *

><p><strong><strong>My 18th birthday is this Thursday, so reviews would be greatly appreciated and interpreted as presents from you to me! ^_^<strong>**


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: Thank you, everyone, for the birthday reviews. My 18th was spectacular. ^_^ Anyway, here is a chapter for you, you lovely people.**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 24<p>

"_Scars remind us of where we've been; they don't have to dictate where we're going." ~__**SSA David Rossi**_

* * *

><p>Emily woke to a gentle touch on her shoulder, a whispered voice at her ear.<p>

"Emily?"

The dark-haired agent mumbled nonsensical words, shifting her weight sideways to evade this unwelcome newcomer.

"I've got her…you can go home now."

Grumbling to herself, Emily reluctantly opened her eyes. She blinked a few times until her pupils adjusted to the dark, until all she could make out was a bearded figure…

"Rossi?"

"Yes." He laughed quietly at the expense of waking their injured friend, who was sleeping peacefully in the bed next to Emily. "Now, c'mon, get up." The older agent gently pulled Emily from the bed. "I'll watch over her. It's my turn, anyway. Besides, everyone else is back at their respective houses, so go on."

Still disoriented, Emily swayed into Rossi's arms. "God, how _late_ is it?"

"Last time I checked, it was well after three in the morning."

She groaned. "Alright, well, time for me to hit the sack." Her motor skills now functional, she stumbled for the door. "_My _sack…"

Having reached the door, Emily turned back towards Rossi. "You take care of her, okay? Garcia and I...we talked with her, and she's more—" A slight pause as she searched for the right word. "—_herself_. But if she has any problems at _all_, you call me right away!"

"Of course. Now, seriously, go _home_. You look like you could really use the rest."

"Yes, _Mom_."

Grinning at the not-so-amused glare she got from her elder at that quip, Emily retreated from the room, but not before sneaking one last glance at her best friend. JJ was fast asleep, her arms locked tight around her body. She was now occupying the empty place where Emily was lying only seconds before, eager for the additional warmth. And she was smiling.

_Sleep, Jayje…and thank you. Thank you for everything._

* * *

><p>The door closed with a *CLICK.*<p>

The ghost of a smile on his lips from Emily's rather drunken departure, Rossi made his way over to the hospital bed where JJ lay. He grabbed the chair from across the room—_why is it over here?_—and sat down next to JJ.

He'd spent the least amount of time with her since she'd been rescued; he knew that. But he'd needed to be there for the others. _I __**had**__ to be. _That was his role. Out of the team, he and JJ had always been the most adept at controlling their emotions, second to Hotch; and thus, with JJ indisposed, he'd taken it upon himself to keep them all in check. But now, with JJ back…

_I'm glad you're okay, girl. You had us all kicking and screaming for a while there…_

He remembered Morgan's violent rage and Emily's breakdown—_they both so desperately want to be in control, but when they knew your fate was out of their hands..._ He saw Hotch bury himself in the past—_he didn't want you to end up like Haley…and he forced himself to be strong for you even if that meant tearing himself apart from the inside out. _He recalled Reid's nightmares on the plane, his eidetic memory never letting him forget Tobias Hankel and what that meant for JJ. And he remembered Garcia, sobbing in his arms as she contemplated the depth of her best friend's pain. But most of all, he remembered his own self. Once again, he saw the rain that dripped like blood and the two-sided face of that first victim. He felt himself battling with conflicting emotions and forcing himself not to break, because JJ needed them, and so she needed _him_. He'd entered that basement unknowing and terrified of all of their fates. And it was only now, as he touched the pale skin of her arm and felt the blood pumping steadily through her skin, did he truly feel at peace.

A tear ran down his cheek. Startled, he reached up and wiped it away. _Why..?_

But he knew why.

_Because you did what you had to do. She's alive and well. And so, you can finally let yourself feel what you were meant to feel…what you were __**supposed**__ to be feeling through all of __**that**__. _

He remembered what he'd told Morgan, so many years ago: _"The job is to find evil and to stop it, not to know where it came from. Let somebody else take that job, this one's tough enough…"_

_Through everything, we've held on. We destroyed your monster, JJ. And if we think too much into that…we'd come out on the other side more damaged than we were when we started. _

"Let it go, JJ. Let it go, and let yourself move on."

_You know what we felt. And you grieved for your family as much as we grieved for ours. But we can still move on from that. The grief…it overtakes you with a wave of pain, one that churns your heart and soul and shakes you to your very core, that makes you question yourself, your beliefs, and the ones you've lost…_

…_but then, it shows you who you're meant to be and how you're meant to live. You accept those you've lost. And you move on with the knowledge that you'll see them again, someday. That your life will lead you to some joy. That after everything, you can still be surprised._

Rossi leaned over and kissed the top of JJ's head. He carefully tucked Garcia's hand-made comforter around JJ's body, and once he was sure the blonde agent was indeed comfortable, he leaned back into his chair with a quiet sigh. Morgan had the next shift, and it was almost five in the morning. That meant a few hours of sleep for him, all of which he intended for JJ to sleep through as well.

_There's no winning. There's just…living. Moving forward. And if you keep doing that, you'll be alright._

* * *

><p><strong>Later that morning…<strong>

The sun rose, its rays beaming through the open window, bringing with it the vibrant sounds and smells of life outside the hospital. On the third floor, in room 724, Rossi was helping JJ out of her bed. She was slowly regaining her strength, and the doctors had insisted that she enjoy the fresh air and beautiful day in a more open environment. The team had been forewarned of this joyous event, and, upon JJ's request, they eagerly awaited her arrival in the hospital courtyard. Elsewhere, things were not so pleasant.

"Rossi, _please_. I _know_ how to dress myself. I'm not at all helpless!"

"I am _aware_ of that. But JJ, if _I'm_ not helping you in here, those doctors out _there_—" He motioned to the door. "—will surely insist on helping you themselves." He gave her a knowing glance. "And you do _not _want that."

She grumbled. "Fine. But if you tell _anyone_ that you had to help me get dressed, I will—"

*TAP TAP*

_Oh, thank god. _

"—and that'd be the FBI!" Rossi left JJ in mid-sentence as he practically bolted for the door.

Ignoring JJ's indignant expression at his clear attempt to escape her rage, the bearded agent swung open the door to reveal Derek Morgan.

"Hey, Rossi, is our girl ready to—_hey!_" Morgan protested as Rossi grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him into the room. "What was that for?"

"Derek, I need you to help JJ finish getting ready. _Please_."

The black agent glanced back and forth between JJ and Rossi, laughing as he realized what was going on.

"Oh, you can't handle the _wrath of JJ_?"

JJ stuck her tongue out at the two of them, crossing her arms against her chest as she grew more and more impatient.

"Hello? I'm right here. And Morgan, if _you_ were being dressed by Rossi, wouldn't you feel more than a little peeved? I'm _just _saying…"

Morgan's face paled as he imagined her drawn-up scenario.

"Rossi, man, she has a point…"

His face now bright red, Rossi harrumphed most grudgingly.

"I get it. Now, please, let me go in peace. I love you both, but sometimes a man needs a little less…well, less."

JJ smiled. _If Garcia was here, she'd been in tears from all her laughter. Here I am, far from being in proper health, and __**still**__ I'm able to embarrass a room full of guys. Oh, the shame!_

Chuckling to herself, she felt it upon herself to give Rossi some slack. "You may leave."

Fully expecting to see a joking, wavering grin plastered on her face, the older agent looked up to meet JJ's eyes, surprised to find that he'd been mistaken. Rather, the cerulean cores were alight with a burning sincerity, one that he hadn't seen from her since before she'd been taken by the unsub. And in those eyes was enough to give him a sense of closure. In those burning blue eyes was everything he'd needed: empathy. She understood him. She understood her part _and_ their part in these past, horrific events. His efforts were acknowledged, and he saw that he hadn't been wrong to feel what he'd felt and do what he'd done. What he did was the right thing to do at the time. And all she asked was that he be there for them all as he was for them then.

She smiled, then—he supposed it was the bewildered and enthralled expression on his face that had suddenly made her so gleeful.

"_Thank_ _you_."

The older agent nodded, his eyes misting, thanking her in his own way for her faith in the team and in him and for the trust in her eyes.

_You're welcome._

* * *

><p><em>"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." ~<em>_**Joseph Campbell**_


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: I must apologize for how long it has taken me to post this new chapter. Here I was thinking that I'd have a lot of time to write in college, but a ridiculous writer's block combined with social events and classes has totally screwed that whole idea up. So, if I still have dedicated followers and reviewers to this story, I LOVE YOU ALL. I love you all anyway, just especially now that I've put off this story for almost 5 months.**

**So here's me loving you.  
><strong>

**xxxx**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 25<p>

_"The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of ours but that this humiliation is seen by everyone." ~__**Milan Kundera**_

* * *

><p>Rossi pulled the door shut behind him. <em>She's going to be alright. She <em>_**is**__._ His hand lingered on the doorknob. _I can't believe that after everything, she'll make it through. I can see it, though._ _She's going to be okay. _ And with that, he turned and walked down the hallway, allowing himself a small smile.

_Way to go, kiddo._

* * *

><p>She couldn't move. Rossi had left, and all she could do with stare at the empty space he left behind. Because being here with Morgan meant having to face the pain again. He wanted to know. Even though he never asked her to talk to him about what she'd been through…she knew he still wanted to know. And she knew that she'd tell him.<p>

"JJ?"

His hand on her shoulder. His voice, so concerned. He understood her. He knew what it was like to bury the pain deep inside. But most importantly, he knew what she had to do. Because he'd had to do the same.

"Morgan, I—"

He turned her around to face him, begging her to look into his eyes and hear his words. _Please…_

"—JJ, listen to me. You don't need to explain. Believe me, I already know. I understand what you're going through. Not all of it, but most of it. What Carl did to me…I kept that hidden from everyone I knew and loved. And it tore me up inside. But when you guys found out, when I confronted him, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. I know that's cliché. But it happened. And I realized then that I have a group of people in my life that I can trust fully and irrevocably. So right here, right now, I'm not asking you to tell me everything you feel. I just need you to understand that keeping everything holed up inside of you will only make the pain worse. "

She looked up at him, her eyes overflowing with tears. She'd been forgiven for her part in what happened to her. She'd felt love and hope and happiness she'd never thought she'd feel again. Even after the terrible ordeal, she could put her faith in the people she loved to get her through what came next. She was stronger than she'd ever realized, and she knew this. _So why can't I tell him about it? Garcia, Rossi, Emily. They've heard it all. But Morgan? _

She took a deep, shaky breath, visibly recoiling as her friend touched her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

"Hey, it's okay. JJ, you really don't have to tell me. I don't want to pressure you into saying anything."

She forced herself to relax, to calm down.

_But he deserves to know, too._

"Derek…"

She looked down at her hands, preparing herself for what she knew she had to tell him, while he watched her with silent eyes, giving her the time he knew she needed.

"W—when I was in that basement…and he was hurting me…I hated him. But what I can't understand is that I hated myself even more. And I kept thinking of you guys, of what you were doing to save me, of how I would be when you all found me and brought me back home. Things I never said, things I should've done but didn't… regrets, lost memories. And more than anything, I wanted just one more moment to spend with the people I loved. For a while, I held on to the reality of it all. But then…"

Her bottom lip trembled as she recalled the nightmare.

"Morgan, I _convinced_ myself that I was to blame for everything that was happening to me. Because it was the only thing that I could do to keep from giving up. I had to hate myself so I could pretend that nothing else mattered. The pain I deserved. The unsub was evil, but so was I. And we both deserved to die in that basement."

JJ met her friend's eyes, pleading with him. _He has to see why…_

"So when I was rescued, I couldn't fathom the reasons I was still alive. I had been so prepared for my supposedly inevitable death that the mere prospect of living was too much for me to handle. It's why I can't seem to forgive myself completely. And it's why it's so difficult for me to move on, I think. Because I should be dead right now. I should be dead…"

The look on Morgan's face broke her heart. It was the same look he'd given to Emily when he'd seen her alive in the BAU months after her proclaimed death at the hands of Ian Doyle. _I'm so sorry._

But what he did next caught her off guard.

He wrapped her in a tight hug, pulling her close against his chest.

"I get it, JJ."

And that's when she lost it. All the pain she'd been building up inside since the day she'd been taken by Jayne Adams, everything she'd told Emily, Rossi, and Garcia. All of it surfaced in this singular moment.

_I knew you'd understand._

* * *

><p>After a few moments, she pulled away from her friend, wiping the tears from her eyes as she did so.<p>

_Ugh, this whole crying-every-time-you-open-up-to-people thing is getting really old. _

_Alright, JJ. _

_**You** are one bad-ass mother fucker. _

_Now get a hold of yourself._

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes before reopening them slowly. She glanced at Morgan, who was obviously still very concerned for her welfare.

"I'm okay. And I seriously just want to get out of this hospital. I never thought I'd ever miss the BAU, but all I want is to go back to Quantico and move on from all of this."

He smiled.

"Believe me, I think that's what all of us want. Some change of pace and a fresh start."

"Exactly."

She looked up at him.

"Thank you, Derek."

"Anytime, JJ. I'm your man."

She met his smile with a wide grin of her own, punching his shoulder with her free hand.

"Well, isn't there some sort of party I'm supposed to be at? Rossi kept dodging my questions, and I really can't stand surprises."

Morgan laughed.

"Well, don't tell anyone I told you, but yeah."

"And let me guess, it was all Garcia's idea."

He winked, eliciting a chuckle from the woman beside him.

"Called it."

Morgan stood up and leaned down, holding his hand out to JJ.

"My lady, if you would accompany me to the patio."

She glared at him, eyeing his hand with disdain.

"You know, just because I'm injured doesn't mean I still can't kick your sorry ass."

He pulled his hand away, feigning shock.

"Oh, I am fully aware of the ass-whooping capabilities of Miss Pennsylvania Petite. However, my Momma raised me to be a gentleman even to the ever-powerful ladies of the BAU, and I won't shame her now."

Try as she might, JJ couldn't help but giggle at his words.

She harrumphed, extending her hand to his.

"Fine. But if you try to carry me, I will drop-kick you. **Against** the doctors' orders."

"Ah, well we can't have that."

She rolled her eyes, prompting a wide grin from her friend.

"Now, come on, girl. You've got a lot of people waiting for you downstairs."

He reached down, taking her hand and pulling her up with gentle expertise. She held onto the IV carrier with one hand, as the drip was still attached to her arm, and gripped his hand for additional support. While she refused to admit her discomfort, he could see that she was shivering from exposure. Saying nothing, he draped a blanket over her shoulders. She nudged him, thanking him for the help in her own, silent way.

"Now how about we just walk there? One step at a time."

She gave him a knowing glance.

"I'd like that."

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm thankful for my years spent with this family, for everything we shared, every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them with me and lead by their example wherever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes: this isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson or because I don't want to walk around angry. Or maybe it's because I finally understand. <em>_There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept; things we don't want to know but have to learn; and people we can't live without but have to let go.__" __**~SSA Jennifer Jareau**_


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

_"Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over." __**~Nicole Sobon**_

* * *

><p>She found herself standing on a single step overlooking a beautifully decorated patio. She stared in wonderment at the scene that unfolded before her. Golden lights glittered in the twilight, intricately layered between the branches and leaves of every tree that surrounded the reserved space. The cool breeze was flavored a lavender vanilla, courtesy of Garcia's scented candles and the freshly blooming flowers. She was left utterly speechless.<p>

_I never thought I'd be here right now. _

Tears in her eyes, she looked down at her team. Aaron stood to the side, his arms wrapped tightly around his son, whose wide eyes were fixated on the 9-tiered wedding style cake that she assumed Garcia had gone to great lengths to procure. She smiled to herself, enjoying the simple innocence the child had in that moment. Jack caught her eye and flushed, smiling sheepishly before burying his head into his father's side. Rossi noticed the boy's reaction and chuckled. He gave JJ a wink and smiled when she grinned in response.

Emily was next. The brunette hadn't taken her eyes off of her friend from the moment the younger agent had stepped outside. She had noticed the lighter coloring of the bruises that covered JJ's face, the way the blonde agent was positioned against Morgan's body so that she could stand more comfortably. She had also noticed how JJ winced every time she took a breath and the way she held herself so as not to aggravate her injuries further. JJ tried to ignore the prying gaze as best she could, but when Emily's eyes met her own, she couldn't resist giving her signature glare. Emily held back a snort of laughter, relieved that JJ had recovered enough of her spirited self to risk giving her one of _those_ looks. She rolled her eyes at the blonde agent, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

Struggling to maintain the fierce gaze she had on Emily, JJ turned to the person standing next to the brunette agent.

This man said no words. He simply walked across the courtyard, his pace even and deliberate. Without any hesitation, he stepped up the stairs into her arms, burrowing his face in her neck, wrapping his arms around her body in a protective embrace. She held him there for what seemed like a lifetime, unable to let go. _Spence. _The two of them had been through so much over the past years. She'd left him once and he'd gotten kidnapped and tortured at the hands of Tobias Hankel. He'd left her once and she'd been attacked by a deranged pack of feral dogs. And that was just that one time. They'd gone to hell and back for this job. But what happened these last few weeks had pushed the bar too high. Neither of them would have come back from that if things hadn't gone so well considering what could have happened. She would've been dead. And he would've wished he was too.

She lifted her head from his shoulder and reached her arms around to push him gently back. He stared into her watery eyes, tears streaming down his face. "JJ?"

"We're gonna be okay." She gripped his arms tightly, her voice breaking as she struggled to hold whatever composure she had left. "Spence, do you hear me? We're gonna be okay."

He grinned through his tears. "If you had told me that a week ago, I wouldn't believe you."

She lost it, crying harder now, covering her face with her trembling hands. Laughing, he grabbed her and pulled her shaking form against his body, holding her as she sobbed against his chest. "You dumbass," she growled through her tears, sniffling and laughing and crying.

He kissed the top of her head, still laughing. "No, you."

She pulled back, wiping at her eyes. "Now I look insane." She laughed. "Look at what you did to me, Spence."

He chuckled. "You look fine. Besides, I'm sure no one here cares how badly your makeup is smudged. We're all just happy you're alive."

"What? It's smudged?" She frantically rubbed under her eyes. Groaning, she gave up. _Aw, hell with it. _She met Reid's amused grin with a short smile before turning over to look at Morgan who had stepped back to give the two agents the space they needed. "I heard there was cake?"

Derek grinned at the two of them, and then moved to his left to reveal an absolutely glowing Penelope Garcia. The eccentric tech-wiz squealed, running over to give her best friend a hug. JJ laughed, fresh tears welling up in her eyes. "Oh god, I swear I've never cried so much in my life until right now." Garcia let go of her friend and cupped the blonde agent's face in her hands. "No tears. This is a celebration of your life and I will not have tears ruining that."

"Even if they're happy tears?"

Garcia winked and nodded. "Even if they're happy tears."

JJ closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing away the tears. "Got it."

When she opened her eyes again, she was surprised to find that her team had gathered around her. Rossi and Hotch and Jack. Emily and Garcia. Spence and Morgan. She smiled shyly, unsure of what to say to them. But the looks on their faces said enough. She didn't have to say anything at all because she'd already given them what they wanted: herself, alive and well and back in action.

Suddenly, she felt something behind her. Startled, she whipped around. "Will!" She leaped into her lover's arms, catching him by surprise. "Well, hey there, pretty lady!" He laughed with her, spinning her around with gentle ease until she protested.

"Will, I love you, but my ribs don't right now."

He quickly set her down. "Oh, sorry."

Smiling, she gave him a reassuring kiss. "It was worth it."

He chuckled. "Yeah, and I've got something worth more."

He motioned over at Emily, who had picked up and was now holding a squirming Henry.

Without a second thought, JJ rushed to Emily, who gently placed the little boy in her waiting arms. Rocking him back and forth, she held her son close to her heart, relishing in the warmth of his soft skin. She looked down at Henry who met her eyes with a wide grin.

"I made this for you, Mommy."

He held out a drawing. "See? It's you and me and Daddy. And we're all together and happy."

She smiled at him. "Yes we are."

She kissed the top of his blonde head, and then looked back up at her family.

"Yes we are."

Each of them had given so much of themselves for her to be here. They'd gone through her hell with her and had carried her with them and out the other side to a more peaceful end. To a new beginning, one that she would cherish forever. She'd like to say she'd never given up on the people she loved. She'd like to say that she'd come out of the whole ordeal with the same strength she'd had in her before. But she hadn't. And it made her realize that she was indeed stronger than she'd imagined. To put herself through such a traumatic experience and still manage to hold onto the parts of herself she'd let go of in that basement dungeon? And not only to do that, but to also use the weaknesses she'd felt to build herself into a stronger person instead of letting them break her down? That was impressive. And she had the people standing in front of her right now to thank for that. They never let her go. Even when she gave up on herself, they refused to abandon her. She owed them everything.

It was Garcia who broke the pleasurable silence. First, she handed out glasses of champagne to the adults in the room. Then, she offered Henry and Jack cups of grape juice which they eagerly accepted. Once she was sure everyone each held a (very) full glass, she cleared her throat. "I propose a toast."

Derek and Emily yelled, "Hear, hear!" with Reid standing awkwardly between them. JJ snorted in laughter at the sight, although she kept half of her attention on Henry who was close to spilling his half cup of juice on her shirt. Rossi whispered in her ear, "Be nice, it's a growing experience for him." That comment caused her to snort even louder, jostling Henry around. "No, stop, you'll make him spill all over me."

Will leaned over. "You know, I can take him for you." She gave him a warm smile. "Thanks, but I think the spill would be worth it. It's been too long since I've held him like this." He responded by carefully hugging them both, not willing to test her brave words.

"Ehem!" Garcia shot them each a glare, waiting for them to quiet down. Once it was completely silent, she began to speak, raising her glass in the air.

"I won't talk about the horrible past because we've done enough of that for a lifetime. I won't mention what we do every day because it's a difficult job that costs more lives than it saves and we don't always beat the bad guys. But I will mention the fact that we make a difference in the world. There are those wonderful days when we don't get there too late, we do get the bad guy, and we are the heroes. And I know that we all live for those days because they make the rest of our job worth it. I wanted to make this toast out to JJ for obvious reasons. She's the strongest, bravest, most beautiful and daring woman I know, and I need her to know that she is loved and cherished by each and every one of us. We need you, Jayje. But after the last few weeks, I think she's already come to realize that. So I decided to make this toast to family. To beating the odds. To finding the light at the end of the tunnel when everything else has gone dark. To the people we all have in our lives who make us better for just knowing them and what they have to offer us. We are a family, and we are those people. And I couldn't have wished for a better life than the one I have with you guys. Thank you."

They raised their glasses in succession, taking in the words that had just been spoken. JJ looked over at all the people she knew she had, and she realized the full truth of Garcia's words. "To family," she offered, her voice loud and strong.

"To family," they answered in whole.

And in that moment, they realized they were satisfied enough with the simple truth that they would continue their lives knowing that it would never be like it was before.

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><p><strong>THE END.<strong>

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><p>"<em>Every ending is also a beginning; we just don't know it at the time. I'd like to believe that's true." <em>_**~SSA Emily Prentiss**_

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><p><strong>AN: So that's it, gentle viewers. THE END. I'm sad to see it end, and I think that's why it took me so long to post this final chapter. Thank you all so much for being a part of this journey with me. I've _finally_ completed this story, and while it took me longer than I hoped to finish it, I hope you understand how much it means to me. I wish you all the best. - Selfless-Touched-Storyteller**


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